There is only a little under an hour left in my 2007 year....some of you have already rung in the New Year, while others are even further behind. It's funny how with each year, the year seems to go by that much faster. Seems like we just said HAPPY NEW YEAR to 2007.....and here we are doing the same to 2008.
2007 has been a truly unique year for me and Michael. It was the year that we felt God calling us to adopt, even though we had come to terms with our infertility in a previous year. The journey to adopt has not been an easy one, but we have experienced the peace and joy of the Lord, unlike any other time in our lives. We started our adoption journey in January of this year, and honestly, we had hoped to celebrate Christmas with our kiddos at home this year. However, we have be reminded, many MANY times, that our plans are not always God's plans....and His timing, not our timing. But as we celebrated Christmas with the rest of our family, we took joy in knowing that this time next year, we will have our children home with us. So, we relished the quiet time Christmas morning ~ when it was just me and Michael. We enjoyed sleeping in until 11am (indeed!) and looked back over the past year, and just shared how God has blessed us so much in this year. We then welcomed the rest of the Crews family (those who were in town) in the afternoon and relished the excitement (and yes, there was PLENTY of it) and joy that Gabriela, Isabela & Maya brought to our home....making us look forward with excitement, when our little ones will share in the same exuberance next Christmas.
Michael & I have been blessed in our marriage, growing closer to each other and in our relationship with the Lord as we celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary in November. We are so thankful in how God continues to reveal Himself to us in new ways each day. We are thankful for our family ~ those in town and those far away ~ who have walked with us on our journey, encouraging us, loving us and praying for us along the way. We are thankful for our friends ~ whose support, encouragement, references, prayers, shared meals, late night conversations, crying sessions and laughing fits have carried us through the ups and downs of this year. We are thankful for our employers, who have worked with us in our schedules and have been supportive of our adoption process. We are thankful for our caseworker, Robyn, who has been a true advocate for us as parents. Thank you, Lord, for all that you've done this past year, and thank you even now, for what you are already doing for us in 2008!
We are thankful for 2007 and even more thankful for 2008. May we all learn from our mistakes, accept forgiveness, mend relationships, reach out to more people, share our hearts and lives with those around us, be true to ourselves, love others and not be afraid to love ourselves!
Happy New Year to you all.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Good bye 2007....Hello 2008
Monday, December 24, 2007
Christmas Eve
On this eve of Christmas, I pray this finds you anticipating Christmas with great joy and hope, knowing that our light and momentary troubles cannot compare with the great celebration awaiting us. This is the time of year where we should all make time for traditions, and marvel at the Christ child’s majesty. When I count my blessings, I count you. May you find much love this Christmas and in the coming New Year!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Encouragement
This morning I was reminded once again, of how blessed I am with the friends that the Lord has brought into my life. What an encouragement so many of you have been to both me and Michael, as we continue on our adoption journey.
Life is a steep climb, and it is always encouraging to have those ahead of us "call back" and cheerfully summon us to higher ground. We all climb together, so we should help one another! The mountain climbing of life is serious, but glorious, business; it takes strength and steadiness to reach the summit. And as our view becomes better as we gain altitude, and as we discover things of importance, we should "call back" our encouragement to others.
I read this today and wanted to share it with you:
If you have gone a little way ahead of me, call back -
It will cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track;
And if, perhaps, Faith's light is dim, because the oil is low,
Your call will guide my lagging course as wearily I go.
Call back, and tell me that He went with you into the storm;
Call back, and say He kept you when the forest's roots were torn;
That, when the heavens thunder and the earthquake shook the hill,
He bore you up and held you where the lofty air was still.
O friend, call back, and tell me for I cannot see your face;
They say it glows with triumph, and your feet sprint in the race;
But there are mists between us and my spirit eyes are dim,
And I cannot see the glory, though I long for word of Him.
But if you'll say He heard you when your prayer was but a cry,
And if you'll say He saw you through the night's sin-darkened sky -
If you have gone a little way ahead, O friend, call back -
It will cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.
I know that the Lord takes us on our journeys with a purpose in mind. May we always remember to keep moving forward encouraged by those who have traveled the road before us, and to be a witness to those who are behind.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
Our house ~ Christmas 2007
The BELIEVE mantle piece is one of craft projects I wrote about in an earlier post ~ thanks to my mom & Sally for all their help with it. I just love the word BELIEVE ~ it has so many different meanings, especially for us right now. As you can see, we have 4 stockings hung....BELIEVING in the miracle of what God is going to do in bringing our 2 little ones to us soon!
Our Christmas tree loaded down with ornaments ~ I still think we could put more on it, but Michael said it was perfect just the way it is :)
Our Department 56 Village. It's hard to see but each little house/shop has it's own light. When a light goes out, Michael & I come up with some story as to why the folk may have left the village, etc....silly, I know.
A full view of the tree and fireplace.
Our second Christmas tree in the kitchen...we can't have just 1 tree!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Christmas 2007
I can't even begin to tell you how fun it has been to decorate our house for Christmas this year. Those of you who know me well, know that Christmas is my favorite time of year and that I go ALL OUT with Christmas decorating. I spent all last weekend working on my crafts for the year with my mom and my friend, Sally. We didn't finish until 3am ~ now, that's dedication!
Now, that we're in a new house this Christmas, we have much more room and many more places to decorate. I'm a firm believer that any flat space should have something on it :) So, our 7 ft tree is all trimmed with white lights and ornaments from past and present, some gifts under the tree already, mantle decorated with a great message of BELIEVE with the stockings hung, our Department 56 village is shining bright - offering us stories of what is going on in each little home or storefront and plenty of other lights and candles everywhere. It has been so fun to get into the spirit of Christmas and pull out all the Christmas music :)
While all of the decorations, lights, trees, and music are fun, it is just a small part of what Christmas is. This is season that we choose to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. What an incredible gift God gave us the day His Son was born and given to us. Let us enjoy the fun traditions of decorating and such, but let us not forget the reason for the season.
I'll post some pictures soon of the house. Stay tuned.
Love to you all!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Amazed
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
How You love me
You paint the morning sky
With miracles in mind
My hope will always stand
For You hold me in Your hand
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
How You love me
How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me
Amazed by Phillips, Craig & Dean
Thursday, November 15, 2007
The Miracle
I'm sorry for the delay in posting. I know many of you have been looking for an update on our homevisit with our caseworker last Wednesday. It has been an emotional few days and I just haven't had the energy or time to blog anything....until today. Michael & I met with Robyn last Wednesday for about 3 hours. In the middle of our meeting, she felt led to pray for us. What was really neat about it was that she said that in all her years of home visits and casework, she had never felt led by the Holy Spirit to pray with a couple! God is working, even when we don't know it! That's all it took! We're done with the home inspection and home visit. Robyn felt that she had enough information from our two meetings, phone conversations and all of our paperwork to write an effective Home Study.
She told us the process from this point: Robyn will write up our Home Study and send to the Area Director for approval. Once the Area Director approves the home study, she will forward to the State-agency director for final approval and licensing. Then once we are licensed, we will be put into the system and wait to be matched. We thought that the final decision would be Robyn's and then we find out that 2 other people have to approve us before we get licensed by the State of Texas. Robyn said that the process would take about 4 - 6 weeks, especially with the holidays. Michael & I were good with that.
Without going into too much detail, we found out Thursday morning that there was a possibility that our Area Director might not approve our Homestudy. We were shocked. We were angry. We were disappointed. We were hurt. We were speechless. We were grieving. We just didn't know what to think, say or do. What do you mean "not approve"? We have been working with them for almost 10 months and not once along the line did they give us any indication that we might be denied. Michael & I were just beside ourselves and not knowing what to do. We shared the news with 2 close friends and my parents and just asked them to pray. That's all we knew to do.
Michael & I have known for so long that this is what God was calling us to do and when you're doing what the Lord desires for you to do, the enemy will attack...and attack he did!
In the midst of all the possible changes, we knew one thing for sure - God doesn't change! He knew the desire of our hearts and He was in control! He has a plan, has always had a plan, and He is working, though we don't see it and it sure looks like the enemy has a leg up at this point. As my mom so eliquently put it: "God is greater than the adoption system, He is greater than "this is the way that it's always been done" mentality, He is greater than people's prejudices, and He delights in doing the impossible! Because THEN He gets all the glory!" If things just went along routinely, then it's just man's job of getting it done right ~ and man, that sure would be nice and easy ~ BUT now, we get to see His power at work.
All the while, Satan wants to keep us in the anger/grief mode and keep us defeated. But when we can wrap our minds around the big picture and say, "Yes, this is the current situation and it stinks. But God isn't bound by this, and He has something unique, p0werful and amazing that we don't know about that this will make people say....WOW! How did THAT happen?! It HAD to be God!
Lord God, Your Word says that You love the just and will not forsake Your faithful ones. They will be protected forever. My justication is found in Your Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ. He is faithful even when I am not. Thank You, Father, that I can be absolutely sure You will never leave me or forsake me! Thank you that a lack of faith will never nullify Your faithfulness. If I am faithless, You will remain faithful, for You cannot disown Yourself. Lord, help me to know that I belong to the truth, and set my heart at rest in Your presence.
"Lord God, I am hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed!" 2 Corinthians 4:8
"I pray that out of Your glorious riches You will strengthen me with your power through Your Spirit in my inner being, so that Christ may dwell in my heart through faith. And I pray that I, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -that I may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3: 16 - 19
We found out around noon on Thursday that the licensing committee from Austin was actually in the Houston office for some meetings. Robyn told us that they wanted an update on our case and homestudy and that she would update us as soon as she knew anything. Of course, Michael & I were on pins and needles al day. Hour by hour passed with no news. Michael & I went home Thursday night defeated and worn out and of course, every possible scenario running through our minds about why we didn't hear from Robyn. All we could do was pray, lay it at the feet of Jesus. He knew our hearts and how they were breaking. We were broken and even though things were not looking positive, we stood firm in the knowledge that this is what God called us to do.
After a sleepless night, Michael & I went to work and tried to press through our day. I can't tell you how many times we checked our personal email, work email, voicemails, etc...just hoping that something would pop up. Around noon on Friday, Michael decided to give Robyn a call. About 30 minutes later, Michael called me and here's a little bit of how the conversation went:
M: Did you get any emails from Robyn yet?
C: No, don't you think that if I had, I would've called you?! (a little frustrated, as I'm sure you can imagine)
M: Well, I just got off the phone with Robyn.
C: OK
M: Do you want the news? (his voice cracking)
C: NO! Don't want to hear it
M: (in a faint whisper I hear) We got licensed
C: WHAT?!?!?!
M: (a lot louder this time) WE GOT LICENSED!
C: What do you mean we got licensed?
This is when Michael proceeded to share with me his conversation with Robyn. Robyn met with the licensing committee on Thursday afternoon to give them an update on our case/file/homestudy/visits, etc. Robyn has been our cheerleader/advocate since the "get-go". She went in, told them about us, and how everything was going, the struggles we've had through the process and she recommended us 100% for adoption licensing. Robyn told us (as she told the committee) that she had never met a more precious couple. She said that our file couldn't be any better, our home any more perfect and that she knew beyond all doubt that we were called to be adoptive parents. Without hesitation, she recommended us for licensing. Now, please bear in mind, that this was just supposed to be a short 5 minute update on one of her cases. It was not to be a time to discuss anything at length or to have anything decided on. However, God had other plans.
After hearing Robyn's assessment of our case, reading our recommendations (thank you to those who blew us away with your love and overwhelming support) and knowing our story, Robyn got up to leave the room. The licensing committee stopped her and said, please tell Michael & Courtney that they are officially licensed as of today. Robyn was shocked! Even though the home visits were completed, she hadn't finished the HomeStudy yet. In all her years of being in this line of work, she has never seen the licensing committee make a decision such as this. She just couldn't believe it. She came back to her office and instead of calling us, she sent us an email with the good news.
Now, if you remember at the beginning of my post (sorry...this has gone on so long!) I said we got the good news on Friday afternoon. That would be because we never got the email. There was some sort of networking problem at Robyn's office and that email was stuck in her outbox until Friday night.
Hmmmm...isn't that interesting?! You know what ~ as much pain and anguish and all the other emotions that ran through me and Michael Thursday and Friday ~ there was a reason why we didn't get that email on Thursday night. We were supposed to feel those things, work through them and to be able to lay them at the feet of Jesus. And so, on Friday afternoon we were able to experience the impossible and see first hand, His Power at work!
Thank you all so much for your prayers, love, support and encouragement along our journey. It hasn't been easy but we do see the end in sight. Please continue to pray for us and for the little ones we will call our children soon!
May you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving......we are so thankful for each of you! We love you all!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Rescheduled
We had to reschedule our meeting last night due to the flu. We are meeting with Robyn on Wednesday at 5:30pm. Stay tuned for further updates!
Thanks for your prayers!
Thursday, November 08, 2007
First meeting with caseworker
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you to all of you have been praying for us.
We met our caseworker, Robyn, last night and we felt instantly comfortable with her. Robyn is relatively new to the Houston area and to our agency, which she hoped would not discourage us. If anything, I think it encouraged us even more, because she's really "gung-ho" / has the "new position" fever! She loved our home and was impressed with how prepared we were . She saw both of our children's rooms prepared and she said "Wow, you guys are ready!" I wanted to say, "well, we've had plenty of time to get prepared" but we just politely said - "yes, we are!" She asked if our home was always this clean, and Michael jumped in and said yes! She just smiled and laughed and said, "well not for long!"
Last night's conversation lasted almost 3 hours, but the time flew by. We didn't feel interrogated at all. She asked us about our family backgrounds, how we met, our work, and then moved into why we chose adoption, what our criteria was, etc.
We did find out that the homestudy is more than just last night's visit. Apparently the state requires the caseworker to clock 12 hours with us before we are licensed. After Robyn heard of all the struggles we've had with getting to this point and the extremely long waits we've endured, she said that she's determined to get this done as quickly as possible (AND we believe her!) So, we are meeting again on Monday evening at 5:30. Some of the 12 hours can also be met over the phone or through email correspondence, so hopefully it won't take too long. The purpose of the 12 hours is really for our benefit, so that Robyn can really get to know us and what are desires are so that she can make the perfect match of our children.
One of the frustrating moments of the evening was when Robyn asked if we had completed the Home Study Questionnaire. I thought I was going to fall out of my chair! Are you kidding?! The 24 page document that both Michael & I had to complete? Yes, that was completed about 6 weeks ago and forwarded to our agency's director. Apparently they didn't forward to her and she doesn't have a copy of it. She asked for a copy of it but of course, it would be the one document that I don't have a paper copy of! This was one form that we were able to fill out electronically and so I didn't print out a copy. It wasn't a big deal ~ she just asked that I email it to her this morning (which was the first thing I did this morning). In the end, Michael & I just had to laugh....it's always something :)
My sweet friend, Jenny, encouraged me this morning with this:
"In His time, In His time...He makes all things beautiful in His time. Lord, please show me every day, as You're teaching me Your ways, that You do just what You say, in Your time."
Thanks, Jenny :)
Thanks again for all your emails, phone calls and prayers lifted up. We love you guys and will keep you posted as we move forward!
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Thoughts tonight....
As we prepare for tomorrow's visit (Wednesday 6pm)with the caseworker, many thoughts running through my mind.
There are the checklist thoughts: Did we move this, rearrange that, lock up this, throw out that, do this, do that......
There are the "OCD" thoughts: Are the couch pillows fluffed up enough? Are the baseboards clean enough? Is the lint off of the bed skirt in our room? Are the pictures covering our refrigerator straight enough? Are the chairs lined up right in the dining room? Are the towels straight on the racks? Are the canned goods organized alphabetically? (just kidding on that last one!)
There are the emotional thoughts: Will Robyn like us? Will she see us for who we truly are? Will our hearts be heard? Will we pass the test?
Then there are thoughts of unbelief....it's been 10 months of classes, forms and documentations, essays and training, and the 4 month wait for a caseworker to be assigned.....and tomorrow we will finally meet her!
Michael & I know that Robyn was chosen just for us and that the Lord's timing is perfect. We also know that even though Robyn is the final decision maker for the agency, we know that the Lord has the ultimate final decision in all areas of our lives.
My parents came over tonight to visit and surprised us with roses for our anniversary (4 years on Thursday!) Very sweet! We enjoyed the conversation and shared in the final results of Dancing with the Stars (ha!) But the best gift of all, were the prayers lifted up for us before they left. Michael & I are so thankful to have such wonderful, loving, God-fearing parents. Blessed indeed!
Throughout our marriage we have looked forward to having children. Infertility has only strengthened our desire to be parents, and we know in our hearts that adoption is the path God has for us. And because of this, we can rest comfortably tonight, knowing that the Lord has gone before us and will be with us tomorrow.
For those that follow my "brag" blog (www.cc-world.blogspot.com)...this will be a repeat. But for those who don't, just thought I'd post some fun pictures of me and the girls from recent weeks. We have so much fun together. They have brought much joy and blessing to my life!
God's Mission: Adoption
My dad sent this to me last week and I've been meaning to post it. Max Lucado is an incredible writer and his words really spoke to me....maybe it will do the same for you.
God's Mission: Adoption by Max Lucado
When we come to Christ, God not only forgives us, he also adopts us. Through a dramatic series of events, we go from condemned orphans with no hope to adopted children with no fear. Here is how it happens. You come before the judgment seat of God full of rebellion and mistakes. Because of his justice he cannot dismiss your sin, but because of his love he cannot dismiss you. So, in an act which stunned the heavens, he punished himself on the cross for your sins. God’s justice and love are equally honored. And you, God’s creation, are forgiven. But the story doesn’t end with God’s forgiveness.
For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our Spirit that we are children of God (Rom. 8:15–16 NASB).
But when the fullness of time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law, in order that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons (Gal. 4:4–5 NASB).
It would be enough if God just cleansed your name, but he does more. He gives you his name. It would be enough if God just set you free, but he does more. He takes you home. He takes you home to the Great House of God.
Adoptive parents understand this more than anyone. I certainly don’t mean to offend any biological parents—I’m one myself. We biological parents know well the earnest longing to have a child. But in many cases our cribs were filled easily. We decided to have a child and a child came. In fact, sometimes the child came with no decision. I’ve heard of unplanned pregnancies, but I’ve never heard of an unplanned adoption.
That’s why adoptive parents understand God’s passion to adopt us. They know what it means to feel an empty space inside. They know what it means to hunt, to set out on a mission, and take responsibility for a child with a spotted past and a dubious future. If anybody understands God’s ardor for his children, it’s someone who has rescued an orphan from despair, for that is what God has done for us.
God has adopted you. God sought you, found you, signed the papers and took you home.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Homestudy Scheduled!
Our caseworker, Robin, called me this morning @ 8:50am to introduce herself and talk to me for a few minutes. She was very sweet and was very excited about working with us. Thank you Lord! She received our file yesterday and has just begun to go through it...I can ONLY imagine how long it will take, since I know how many forms, documents, letters and such that she will have to review.
At the end of our conversation, she said that she was more than willing to work with our schedule in regards to the homestudy (weekends, evenings) since we work ~ which I thought was great! So, our homestudy is officially scheduled for next Wednesday the 7th at 6pm. Please keep us in your prayers as we prepare our hearts and minds for the meeting next week.
Yikes! This is finally REALLY happening :)
On a side note, Michael & I are truly at peace with the assignment of Robin as our caseworker. We prayed for very specific things and already in 2 different conversations we had with Robin today, those specifics have been answered and revealed to us. All in God's timing! Robin told us that she's been praying over our file today and for our children to come. It's so awesome to finally feel like we have an advocate on our side!
Thanks to everyone for their continued thoughts, encouragement and prayers along our journey. We'll be sure to keep you posted.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Note to self.....
......remember that the kitchen and bathroom cabinets have childproof latches on them!
Geez! I can't even tell you how many times Michael & I have tried to open a cabinet to be stopped dead in our tracks. Proof that the latches do indeed work :)
Assigned!
My phone rang at 8:12pm from a (713) number and low & behold, it was our agency director! She was calling to let us know that our case worker has been assigned and that they are scheduled to meet to discuss our case/file on Thursday. The caseworker will then contact us Friday or Monday to schedule our home study! WHOA!
Won't you please be praying for the Lord to work in the hearts of the director and the caseworker during their meeting and especially when we meet with the caseworker for our homestudy. We really appreciate it.
We're a little apprehensive about this but we know that the Lord is in control and He will give us His perfect peace through the rest of the process. We'll keep you posted!
Monday, October 29, 2007
Childproofing party!
That's right! We had a big childproofing party for 2 at our house on Friday night....we opened up all the windows (yay for fall weather this past week in Houston!), turned on the music in every room, gathered up the drill, screwdriver, screws, hammer, cabinet & drawer latches, mouting tape, pencil, measuring tape and partied down! Doesn't that sound like your kind of party?! Well, it wasn't so much that it was fun, but we had to approach it like it would be to be motivated to get it all done. Now, some of you might be wondering what childproofing was left to be done, thinking that it had been completed months ago. WELL.....one cabinet was completed a few months ago and we've been procrastinating ever since. However, Friday night was THE night to get everything done in the house.
Here's what we were able to accomplish on Friday night/Saturday morning: safety latches installed on all 18 cabinets, all ceiling fans were cleaned, all air filters were finally changed (now that we're not using the A/C ~ ha!), broken toilet fixed, kitchen cabinets cleaned out to make room for the re-arrangement of all the cleaners normally found under the kitchen/bathroom sinks (products can't be left under the sink under the State of Texas rules, closet in nursery was cleaned out, bookshelf and all it's contents were sorted through, cleaned out and moved into another room, and 5 loads of laundry washed, dried, sorted and put away!
Michael & I finally retired to our bed around 2am....it was a full evening indeed. But do you know how wonderful it was to wake up Saturday morning and have everything on your list marked off? PRICELESS! I was able to spend Saturday morning with the girls at their gymnastics class, as well as go shopping & out to lunch with them. Then Michael & I were actually able to watch both of the movies that we rented for the weekend! Yesterday was a great day of relaxing, watching football & BBQing.
One last thing...we received word from our agency that our caseworker is to be assigned to us by tomorrow (Tuesday).....just 4 weeks late, but better late than later. Hopefully, we will actually be given the name of our caseworker tomorrow. We're praying for just the right caseworker to be assigned to us, as this person really makes the final decision in the approval process. Won't you be praying for us? We'll keep you posted on the status of our homestudy, as soon as we hear something. Hopefully, it will be soon!
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
24 pages later....
and dare I say it, our last paperwork has been completed and forwarded to the agency for review. This was all that was needed to complete our file and to be assigned a case worker for our homestudy. We have been told that we SHOULD get a caseworker assigned to us in the next 2 weeks, but we're doubtful that it will actually be that soon.
We still have to complete childproofing the kitchen cabinets....this is probably one of the few times that I've procrastinated on a project. It's so time consuming and frustrating! But we just need to get it done.
We'll keep you posted with an update as soon as we hear anything. Thanks for your prayers!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Results of 200+ pieces
1. Open box.
2. Pull out pieces of wood.
3. Pull out more pieces of wood.
4. Find bags (yes, plural) of bolts, screws, nails, dowels, washers, and other items never seen before.
5. Scream over the new knowledge that there are over 200 pieces of hardware to put this "great deal" together!
6. Look for instruction book.
7. Find instruction book at the bottom of everything.
8. Scream again when you realize that there are 38 steps to putting this "great deal" together.
9. Start at 7:00pm.
10. Finish at 9:30pm.
Final result:
11. Bag up all left over pieces of hardware, in hopes that you followed the instructions properly and the company was just being generous with extra pieces!
Just looking....
Now looks like this.....
I love bright & whimsical and just couldn't resist....what could be more fun that hippos, lions, giraffes, camels, ducks, crocodiles, turtles and more....
Here are a few items we also got for the other bedroom ~ still working on the decor for this one.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Let Go, Let God
What a comfort it is to know that I can let go and let God lead me in all matters and in all that matters. What I am releasing is the mistaken belief that I need to direct and control all the various aspects of my life. What I am accepting is the greater good that is emerging and unfolding. With God leading the way, I am free of all fear and doubt. My trust in God strengthens me with the resolve to live my life fully. What is in store for me this day and in the days ahead? I may not have all the details just yet, but there is no doubt that the light of God shines brightly in and through me. I am ready and eager to step forward into a life of inspired living.
“For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.”—Jeremiah 29:11-12
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Conversation with the Director
Thanks to everyone who has been praying for us during our time of no communication with our agency!
As I've blogged before, Michael & I have grown increasingly anxious, frustrated and concerned over the length of time it has taken us to be assigned a case worker. We have been waiting for one since the end of May and were assured in mid-July that we were next in line...and now it's mid-September and we still hadn't received a call. In my last post, I wrote about how we had contacted the director of our agency in hopes that she might be able to provide some insight into our case. As of yesterday morning, she had not returned our phone calls or replied to our emails. Since we didn't hear from her, I sent one final email to our original recruiter to let him know of what we were feeling and to express our great concern over the director not contacting us. I informed him that we had contacted other agencies to discuss the possibility of transferring our file and that we had really hoped to avoid that.
About an hour later, we receive a phone call from the Director. Isn't that amazing how that happens? She called me first, but I was in a meeting at work, so I missed her call. She called Michael at work and missed him as well. I called her back and she was on the phone with Michael on his cell. He got off the phone with her and he called me to say that she would be calling me back on my work phone ~ great, except I wasn't at my desk. So, sure enough, I get back to my desk and see that she called and left me another message. At least she was being thorough! We played phone tag a few more times and we finally were able to connect yesterday evening.
The director apologized for the delay and went into a long explanation of why things had happened the way they had with good reasons and sad excuses ranging from being short staffed, over worked, family emergencies, changes in the law and within their organization this year, as well as a huge increase in interest to foster care and adoption (the one good reason I could find). She reassured us that our file was on her desk, that it had been reviewed, that nothing was wrong, except that we did have one more form that still needed to be completed. Without this form, a homestudy cannot be scheduled. WHAT? We have asked over and over and over again, if there was anything missing from our file, any more forms to fill out, etc....and we were told many times that everything was there and in order. Wrong. So, she emailed the form to us and asked that we complete it and get it back to her. I told her we'd get it to her as soon as possible. Once the form is received, our caseworker will be calling us. She said that she was working on "sooner, rather than later" and hopefully we'd be licensed in the next 2 - 3 weeks.
So, we opened up the attachment on the email and couldn't believe it....it was 12 pages long WITHOUT our answers! Are you kidding? She made it sound like it would be a really simple form to return. Indeed, that was definitely the wrong assumption. Not only is it 12 pages long, but both Michael & I have to complete one individually. Want to know the kicker of it? There's NOTHING new on this form. Nope! Not one new question! There are 12 pages of questions that we have been asked repeatedly and upon which the agency has in triplicate. However, it doesn't matter. It's a new regulation. We have to fill out the form and answer all the questions all over again. It would be nice if the questions were all "yes or no" or multiple choice or check a box, but they're not. It's essay form and they want as much information as possible. Thankfully, I have a copy of every form we've already filled out, so we should be able to copy and paste the answers.
Dealing with the state foster care system has definitely given me a real taste of red tape bureacracy! While it has been more than frustrating at times, I have to remind myself that these standards are high for the protection of the children. In the end, I know when our children are finally home with us, that everything we went through will all be worth it.
Check back soon for more updates :) Thanks for your prayers ~ keep 'em coming!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Crossroads.....
I wish that I were writing today to say that I have an update on our adoption....but alas, that is not the case.
Michael & I have been very patiently waiting for some updates from our agency but we are not getting a response. Since our file has been "in limbo", in "waiting", in line, etc....we decided to go directly to the Director of the agency for a status update. We contacted the director and over a period of 4 days, left 2 voicemail messages and sent 2 emails and have yet to receive a response from her.
Last night, we contacted another agency highly recommended and we were able to talk to the counselor in regards to our case. She agreed that the process has taken way too long and that we should've been assigned a case worker by now. She said that they'd be more than happy to help us on our journey. BUT....don't you love those "buts". Since we're not licensed (which is what we've been waiting on), we'd basically start over from day one, INCLUDING all of our training?!!? To say that I was flabergasted would be an understatement! The training is provided and mandated by the state of Texas, so I couldn't understand why they wouldn't accept the training we completed a few months back. She explained that while they use the PRIDE training, they also add a lot of things into their training, and therefore, we'd have to go through it all again.
Now what? Michael & I discussed it and we just can't see repeating everything that we just went through again. There are 4 other agencies, including CPS directly, that we can contact about transfering our case file. In the meantime, we've sent one last email to the director in hopes that she might contact us today. Praying that she will do that so that we can stay with them and press forward.
Please keep us in your prayers ~ especially for wisdom on what to do next.
A friend shared this verse with me today:
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you, For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior!" Isaiah 43:2-3a
Thanks for all of your encouragement and support! We love you all!
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Another inspection passed!
Well folks....we did it! We passed the Fire Marshall's inspection of our home on Friday! WHOO HOO! Thanks to my friend Byron (who is a firefighter) for pointing me in the right direction and providing me with the link to the Checklist that the FM would use on the inspection. The FM went straight down the checklist! Needless to say, all the preparation paid off since we passed with flying colors! It only took about 15 minutes for her to complete the inspection...and I thought...man, I was stressed over this?! Now, if we didn't have the checklist, we wouldn't have passed! I mean, who has a latch over their attic door, a fire escape plan posted in the house with a fire drill schedule, a 10 foot radius "item free" by their breaker box...just to name a few things we had to do!
Michael & I have still not received much contact from our agency and we have given them another 2 weeks to contact us, provide us with an update...anything....if that time comes and goes without anything, we will move to another agency. We have really tried to avoid this, due to the red-tape involved in transfering our file; however, if they're not doing anything for us anyway, the extra time won't make a difference.
We know that God is in control and His timing is perfect ~ that is our comfort during the quiet times! We'll keep you posted!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Summers in Houston.....
Our new best friend....
Yes, we are happy to introduce you to our new best friend, Ryobi. Ryobi has been a life saver over the past few weeks. He has been there just when we've needed him. He's pushed us farther than we ever thought imaginable and hasn't given up on us once. Nothing is too difficult or too small for Ryobi. He really has been a true helper and supporter in all our efforts to childproof our house. There's no telling where we'd be without Ryobi....probably still putting in
Monday, August 27, 2007
Pictures from our trip
Here are just a few of the pictures that we took while in Hot Springs, Arkansas....Michael took a hold of the camera a little bit (a lot) on this trip. He apparently really likes the clouds! :)
Enjoy!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Update (Updated with pics 8/28/07)
1. A/C inspection - Completed & Passed
2. Gas Leak inspection - completed & Passed (picture below...this is what we got for $250!)
3. Attic door latch put on (after 3 trips to Home Depot)
4. Dryer vent re-attached & towels dried
5. Childproofed the oven and the refrigerator (doesn't everyone? ha!)
6. Photos downloaded from vacation but not posted yet
7. Vacation over and reality set back in at 5:40am this morning.
Things still to do:
1. Fire Marshall's inspection
2. Return childproofing items to Babies R Us because they are worthless
3. Childproof the cabinets...funny how that one still seems to be on the "to do" list
(do you think this might be the reason why????)
4. Call our agency again for another update.
5. Post pictures of our vacation as well as a few other fun things.
Hope you all have a good night...I'm off to finish the book I started on my vacation :)
Monday, August 20, 2007
1 for 2....(updated with pics 8/28/07)
The plumber arrived between the hours of 9am - noon (as promised), called 30 minutes before arriving (as promised) and completed the gas leak tests within the time promised. YAY! We passed! (not that we were worried). One thing crossed off my list! I was in the middle of drying some clothes when he arrived, so we stopped the dryer for the test, as he had to get behind the W&D to test the gas line. After he left, I went back in to start the dryer. Fast forward about an hour...I went to get the towels out of the dryer and was taken aback by the heat permeating from the laundry room....what in the world? Well...when my wonderful plumber pulled the dryer out from the nook and put it back in, he pulled the vent out of the dryer and that would explain the extreme heat, as well as red lint everywhere! UGH!
I have yet to hook up the dryer this evening, as it is a major undertaking of unplugging both the washer and dryer, moving the washer out, then the dryer, then pushing the dryer back in while hoping that the vent stays connected, then put the washer back in. It's a VERY small space! (again, I don't understand why anyone would build a laundry room to fit within inches of a regular sized washer and dryer!)
A few other things checked off my list today:
1. Move everything within 10 feet of the electrical box in the garage.
2. Prepare all the labels to mark what each breaker goes to.
3. Only to find out that once I actually got to the breaker box, all the breakers were already labeled!
HA! That's ok....it certainly beats turning on all electrical things in our house, Michael & I on our cell phones with each other, Michael flipping each breaker and me running around the house trying to figure out which light went out. Actually....that might have been quite fun :)
4. Purchased our double-locked medicine storage. Yes, we have to have all medications under double lock! How in the world do you do that? Well, a friend told me that they used a tool box as their first locked storage and then bought a locked cabinet and put it in their laundry room. We went with the tool box, bought a pad lock for it and then bought a filing cabinet with a lock and placed it in our closet. Works out pretty well, too, since we needed another filing cabinet!
5. Changed the air filters! This isn't part of the inspections but they certainly needed to be done.
I was still hoping to get a few other things marked off my list today, but that's ok....there's always tomorrow! Here's hoping that the A/C guy shows up this time!
p.s. Michael & I had a wonderful time in Hot Springs and took lots of pictures (will upload soon). It was great to just get away and relax. It was hot but beautiful. We definitely want to return...maybe in the fall when it's cooler.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Off for some R&R
Yes, I'm still doing laundry. Yes, I still need to finish packing the bags. Yes, I organized the CDs in the order that we would be listening to them a week ago :)
Michael & I are excited about our trip to Hot Springs, Arkansas. We'll be heading out bright and early tomorrow morning(actually, it will be dark and early) ~ it's about a 6 hour drive....so not too bad.
We've rented a condo on Lake Hamilton and we are so excited to be out of Houston, away from work and getting a break from the adoption process ~ even if for just a few days.
I'll be sure to post some pictures of our time away when we get back. In the meantime, hope life is good for you all!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
After many phone calls....
we finally got our 2 inspections scheduled for the Fire Marshall. The A/C guy and plumber will be out on Monday to do their inspections. It really was incredible how much people wanted to charge for their services. Now granted, if something were actually WRONG, then ok...but nothing's wrong with our A/C unit and we don't have a gas leak. In any event, we have to have it done and it do any good to complain about it. However, after all that we've gone through, I have decided that on my much needed vacation next week, that I am going to take the time to write the people that have been elected to represent me and offer up my thoughts on the whole foster care system and the process that goes along with adoption. That's what they're there for, right?!
On another note, we have had no response from our agency and are feeling really left out in limbo. A few people that we have met along the way, who have already gone through the system, have suggested that we contact another agency to possibly transfer our file. I'm not sure what all is involved in that, however, I do know that everything that we've done to date would be the same, regardless of the agency. We're just praying about what to do, as we don't want to delay anythign any longer.
Michael & I leave on Thursday for a much needed vacation. Just a time to get away, relax and not be overwhelmed with the process of everything. Plus, who knows, when the next time will be that we can actually go somewhere alone for more than a day?! So, we're taking advantage of the time now.
We'll keep you posted on how things progress as we know more. We love you guys and appreciate your friendships and encouragement along our journey.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
One step forward....two steps back
As I've mentioned before, we have to get our house inspected by the Fire Marshall's office for our adoption. Yesterday, I dropped off our application and fee (yes, we have to pay for it) and they said that they'd give us a call in a week or so to schedule a time for the inspection. The timing was good, as Michael & I are taking a week off from work to go on a little vacation as well as have a few days around the house to get things (like this) done.
This morning, the Fire Marshall's office called to schedule our inspection! YAY! Are you kidding? Finally....something in a timely manner.
But wait....he proceeded to tell us what we had to have done to PASS the inspection, to include having a licensed plumber perform a gas inspection on the house, have our A/C unit tested by a licensed A/C inspector, have our electrical box labeled for each switch for each location (as well as nothing around it within a 3 foot radius) and if we have an attic pull-down door (which of course, we do), have a specific locking latch attached to it (which, of course, we do not have)....JUST to name a few things. There are actually 30+ items that have to be done for them to sign off on the house inspection.
Ok....1 step forward.....the Fire Marshall's office is ready to perform the inspection. 2 steps backwards - # 1: After calling around, the gas inspection is looking to cost anywhere from $300-$1000! #2: A/C unit testing is anywhere from $75 - $150.
Sometimes I feel like this journey is a lot like the classic game of Chutes & Ladders....
We're not worried with whether or not the house will pass, as it's only 2 years old. While we want our children to live in a safe house (the reason we moved this year!), it's somewhat difficult for us to understand why there are so many rules, regulations, tests, and inspections when we're the ones trying to help. I just wonder what would happen if every family that brought home a biological child, if their homes would pass inspection? I doubt it! I've had friends tell me that their houses wouldn't pass and can't believe that we have to go through all this.
While it's all worth it in the end, it would be nice if all of the costs of doing these things were somehow paid for by the State, since we are adopting these children from the foster care system. Please don't get me wrong....I know that you can't put a price on building your family. It's just that sometimes all of the red-tape and bureaucracy gets to be a bit much to handle.
In the meantime, we will press on, schedule the appointments, pay the fees for the services provided and pass the Fire Marshall's inspection of our home; all the while, praying that our little ones are safe and healthy while they're away from us.
*Update on caseworker: still waiting.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Children's Book Club
Finished product
Michael & I put the crib together on Saturday. We had a few "sna-fu's" but managed to put it together without too much trouble. Now, all we need to do is buy a new mattress and a "neutral" color sheet. The agency advised us to not decorate the room yet....which is fine since we don't know the gender of our children yet. Some people specify boy or girl and therefore decorate the room accordingly, but then when the caseworker comes for a homevisit and sees this, they usually won't consider the family for the other sex. So, we are leaving our's neutral until we know what we're getting (or if we'll even need a crib at all).
Next purchase: dresser.
Friday, July 27, 2007
A crib and a carseat.....
In preparation for our home visit, my sister Ashley has graciously allowed us to borrow one of her beautiful cribs as well as an extra car seat she had. We finally picked them up tonight.
It's rather strange to be prepared for something that you can't be prepared for. How do you prepare a child's room when you don't know the age or the gender of the child? There is a huge difference in preparing for a newborn, an infant, or a toddler. However, when the case worker comes out for our home study, they want to see that an effort has been made to prepare a child's room and that what you do have passes inspection. Ok....understood.
So, now we have a crib in pieces in the nursery.....I guess that means that we have to put it together now, right? Looks easy enough.....check back tomorrow to see if my blog post proves that the last statement was true :)
In preparing for all of this, I have wondered how I would explain the sudden appearance of children in our home and in our family to the 3 little ones in my life~ my nieces, Gabriela, Isabela & Maya. I have been so blessed to spend so much time with them over the past 3 - 5 years of their lives and they are a huge part of me. They understand that you carry a baby in your tummy and go to the hospital and have a baby and bring a baby home. They've seen that with the birth of my niece, Samantha. So, how do I explain to them that CC & Uncle are going to have 2 kids, but that CC isn't carrying a baby in her tummy, etc?
Well, tonight, I had such a conversation with Gabriela (age 5).
Gabriela: "CC, why do you need a crib?"
CC: "Well, Mommy's letting me use it at my house"
Gabriela: "For when kids come to visit? You know, CC, when I come over, I don't need to sleep in a crib. I can sleep in your bed with you."
CC: "yes, I know ~ this isn't for you. This is for a baby that CC & Uncle.............
Gabriela: (interupting me before I could finish my sentence) "CC! You're going to have a baby?! It's about time....we need another baby around here."
****of course, my heart sank for a moment, as I thought about the fact that I wouldn't be carrying these children in my belly or giving birth to them. She was so excited.****
CC: "Well, no, Gabriela, I don't have a baby in my tummy......"
****and before I knew it, Gabriela got distracted and the conversation ended.
To be honest, I was relieved. I just didn't really know what to say. I just figured that I would explain it to them, once Michael & I knew who are children were, their ages, names, etc., and maybe show them a picture or two. Maybe it will be easier then.
It's amazing what one little comment can do to shake you...just when you least expect it...even if it did come from the most precious 5 year old I know. As excited and hopeful that Michael & I are about adoption and creating our family the way God intended for us, it still hurts. And I don't think that will ever truly go away. However, while I haven't carried these children of ours in my belly, I have carried them in my heart. And for that, I am truly blessed.
Monday, July 23, 2007
1 of 3....
Our last class was taught by Dennis, our caseworker from the beginning. After the class, he let us know that he checked on the status of our case while we were watching one of our videos. He said that we are one of three families in the process of being assigned an adoption caseworker, who will also be performing our home study. It was a relief to know that we were at least "in line" to be assigned. It sure does feel like we got in the express lane at the grocery store with the person in front of us having 58 items to buy! (ever been there?!) Why is it that when you're in a rush, we always tend to have to slow down?
I think it's God's way of reminding us that He's in control and that His timing is best. So, while we are still waiting....it doesn't feel as though we're just left hanging.
We'll be sure to keep you posted on the latest, as soon as we know anything.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Last class...
Michael & I completed the final class required for our adoption - psychotropic drugs and medication administration. Unfortuately, 2/3 of the children in foster care are taking these very powerful drugs. For those of you who don't know, psychotropic drugs are any drugs capable of affecting the mind, emotions and behavior (for instance, antidepressants, anti-anxiety, tranquilizers,etc.) While I don't want to get into a debate into psychotropic drugs at this time, I do want to say this. I do believe that some people need to be on these types of medications but I don't believe that a pill can solve all of the emotional issues and problems foster children face while in the system. I do believe that 2/3 is way too high a count and something should be done about it. We did learn in the class that all of these drugs are approved by the FDA, but almost none of them are approved for the use in children.
After learning about all these drugs and all their side effects, we certainly hope and pray that our children will not be on these drugs. You might be thinking...well, that certainly won't happen since we're looking under the age of 3....but sadly enough, children that young are on these drugs too! How is it possible that a 2 year old can be on Lithium for Bi-polar disorder?! That just boggles my mind. I just don't see how that can be.
So, now when we pray for our children, we have more to pray about. Won't you pray with us, for our children and for all the other children in the system, waiting for their forever families.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Waiting....waiting....waiting.....
As you'll notice, I haven't posted any updates in about 3 weeks, because all Michael & I have been doing is waiting....waiting....and waiting some more. We did receive confirmation that all of our paperwork was received and accepted and that we had indeed completed all of the paperwork required (to this point, anyway). Our file has been transfered out of our caseworker's office and placed with someone else...who that is, we do not know. No one has provided us with that information. Therefore, it's a bit difficult to follow up with an anonymous person ~ and this is a great cause of our frustration.
I'm so frustrated, I don't even know what to write about today, but quite a few of you have asked for a status update so thought I should at least drop a few lines.
Michael & I are confident that God is in control and that His timing is perfect. It's just really hard being on the receiving end. We appreciate your prayers and will be sure to update you with any news as soon as we know something.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Silence....
It's been a full week since we've heard anything from Dennis. It's been really odd to not have anything to follow up on, forms to fill out and mail, or questions to answer. It's been silent. It's been hard.
In the silence, I certainly have heard a lot. I've heard all my thoughts and fears voiced in my head. I've heard all the questions that I've had come to the fore-front of my mind. I've also heard the Lord in his quiet way remind me that He is in control. I have been reminded of this:
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
More?
Can you guess more what? That's right....more paperwork! Dennis received what I thought was our last packet of paperwork and called us. He said we're doing awesome but....oh no...not another "but". But, even though some paperwork doesn't truly apply to us, the State of Texas requires everyone to complete all paperwork regardless. So....that means we have a few more essays to write and questions to answer before our file will be complete. Then, we will hear from our caseworker.
While I understand that this is all part of the process and in the end, it will all be worth it, it does grow tiresome and somewhat challenging. I often wonder how many ways can I answer the same question without it coming off like a trite answer. We're also being asked to answer questions to how we will handle situations if we had children in middle school, high school and even college-aged students living at home. I don't know how we would handle these particular situations, except pray! While that is the best answer that Michael & I can give, we don't really think the State of Texas will. So, we have to work on our answers tonight so that we can get this paperwork in the mail and get the process moving.
I bought all of the child-proofing items for the house. Now, I guess we should put them all to good use!
That's about it from here. We're trying to survive the heat of Houston. Heat index of 102 today...and it's only mid-June! Yikes!
Friday, June 08, 2007
What????
More paperwork?! Yes, that's what you would have heard me say when speaking wtih Dennis yesterday...more paperwork. He called to let us know that he received all of our homework and that he was already reviewing it. He then went on to say that the paperwork that he had previously told us to disregard, was now required. Thankfully I still had it, so last night, we completed another 9 pages of paperwork and I mailed it out this afternoon. I'm sure this won't be the last time that this happens!
Dennis called me today to let me know that he has already signed off on everything and given our case file to a case worker. He didn't give us any details on who the case worker was but that they should be contacting us soon. Soon...not really sure what that means anymore.
We were told that we needed to get "moving" on the home inspections by the Fire Marshall's office and the Health Department, so I guess I will work on that on Monday. We also need to start child-proofing our house according to the regulations of the State of Texas. There is ALOT to do. We have already started working on one of the bedrooms, by getting the computer and desk out of there. We got a new computer and put it in our room, not my first choice of locations, but the only place that works for now. We're going to be able to give the old computer and desk to my sister and brother in law and now their 2 kiddos will have a computer of their own. We were glad that someone could use them!
Well, I'm off to review my checklists.....I just love being able to check things off! Happy Weekend everybody!
Monday, June 04, 2007
Homework Completed!
Yes, Michael & I were able to complete our homework on Friday night and mailed it out today. Whew! What a relief! Now, we just have to wait. Dennis said that he would review everything and give us a call to discuss the next step. I don't know how long it will take for a caseworker to be assigned to us. Hopefully not too long.
Time certainly has taken on a different definition for us. Each day, time means something different. We want more of it and then at the same time, want it to hurry up; then we don't have enough of it and wonder where it went! I'm sure most of you can relate.
So, we just wait.....knowing that every day has the same amount of time in it...we just don't know how slowly or how quickly the day will go.
Stay tuned for updates soon!
Friday, June 01, 2007
Oops......
It was 11pm on a Thursday, when I found myself gathering up our homework and assignments to send off to Dennis at LSS.....as I went through the checklist, I shrieked! OH NO! We didn't do Chapter 3's homework. How did we miss this? (maybe because we had 22 assignments to complete between the 2 of us!) MAYBE it will be an easy one and we can get it done real quick. All of a sudden I had that instant panic feeling of when I was in college, remembering that something was due the next morning and what was I going to do!? I have been so good about organizing everything, keeping up with our assignments, staying on top of things, never a procrastinator...I just couldn't believe that I missed it!
So I quickly went to Chapter 3, section 9 and found 6 pages that needed to be filled out. Not only were there 6 pages for each of us, but it was also one of the more intense sections we covered. Needless to say, it was now 11:15pm, Michael was already asleep, I still had a load of laundry in the washer that needed to be transfered to the dryer and our lunches weren't ready for the next day. The decision was made....the packet of paperwork will just have to be mailed on Monday.
Well, if this taught me anything, it's this. Things happen. Things get missed. Plans change and I just need to go with the flow. Our last session of training was all about change...and how our world will be changing in more ways than we can ever imagine in the months to come. So, I guess this was just a glimpse of my ever-changing world. Funny thing is...I woke up this morning, and the world hadn't come to an end....who would've thought?! (ha!)
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Fully trained....
On paper anyway! Yes, Michael & I have completed our required 30 hours of training for our adoption. Seems like it was just yesterday that we found out when we would take our classes and that the 30 hours would take "forever" to get through...and now, we're done and we can't believe how quickly time flew!
During our last session, we had a foster mom visit with us. She is a remarkable lady. She and her husband have been foster care parents for 30 years and have taken care of almost 90 drug addicted/drug affected babies in that time. She was very open and honest with us in what they've experienced and it was great to hear first hand from someone. In the end, Michael & I were so thankful for her ministry and sacrifice and prayed that our children were in the care of foster parents like her!
We now have to complete all of our homework and projects, turn them in to Dennis at LSS and then it will all be reviewed by a caseworker. We will then be assigned an adoption caseworker to perform our homestudy. I'm not sure how long that will take; we'll have to find out from Dennis.
We have learned so much about ourselves through this training and feel we are much more prepared for what is to come. Now, this doesn't mean that we think we have all the answers! No, it means that we have many more questions, but we also know that God is with us, walking this journey along side us and is preparing each and every day for our children, and in turn, our children for us.
Thanks so much for your prayers, encouragement and friendship! We'll keep you posted as we learn more.
Monday, May 21, 2007
2nd Training Session.....
Another early Saturday morning surrounded by 30 other people who are experiencing all the same emotions that we are! Saturday marked the 2nd of 3 mandated training sessions by the State of Texas as part of our adoption process.
When Michael & I first heard about PRIDE, we just thought it was something that had to be done, part of the process, push through it, get it over with, etc.....and while it's still true that it's part of the process, it's so much more than that. It has been eye-opening, heart-wrenching, thought-provoking and life-changing for us, as individuals, as a couple and now as future parents.
The entire session was on behavorial management. I had some friends ask if they could sit in on the session to gain some pointers ~ ha! It's really strange. Everything that we have ever thought about discipline, punishment, behavior, expectations has changed. The way that Michael & I grew up, the way that most of you have been brought up and/or chosen to raise your children is no longer really an option. We've had to really evaluate how we're going to parent and discipline our children. While most people just go with the flow, making decisions as they go, we don't have that option, when it comes to adopting children out of foster care.
The trust that a baby gains from being with their mommy and daddy from the moment of their birth is something that our children will not have. The love that a baby feels and receives is something that our children have most likely not experienced. Every important person in their life, and still important even if they were the abuser, has been taken from them. They have never been taught how to love, how to behave, how to receive love, how to gain trust, how to respect other people or things.
Whatever expectations I had for my children, as their mother, have now changed. I have to lower my expectations ~ not because the children aren't worthy of high expectations, but because they can't possibly fulfill them as they have no knowledge of what it is like to be "normal" child in a "normal" homelife, with 2 parents who love them, care for them, provide for them and keep them safe.
We talked a lot about having rules in the house and how we have to be very specific. If we had biological children of our own, it might be fairly simple to tell our child, one of our rules is that you show respect at all times...and there's a good chance that the child would understand and know what that means. However, a child who has been neglected, abused, or abandoned doesn't have a concept of respect. So it means breaking it down. The one rule of "show respect" will now have to be broken down into 10 rules, 25 rules or maybe even 50 rules...and that's just one rule.
One of our first discussions on Saturday was the difference between discipline and punishment. We had to write down how we were disciplined and/or punished as children and place the action under the category we felt it fit. For example - some people felt being spanked was punishment, while others thought of it as discipline. While I do not want to get into a huge debate about spanking here, I do want to say that in our situation, we have had to change our opinions of it. By law, the state of Texas forbids us to show any physical punishment or discipline towards a child while they are in our care. We have to sign an agreement stating that we will follow these standards and if we don't, we could lose custody of our children. Now some of you may think that this is very extreme. But please remember, these children have all suffered some sort of abuse. CPS only knows so much. They have told us to assume that physical abuse has occured with each child, so that we are prepared. Even a simple touch or gesture could be detrimental to a child, when first brought into our home.
During the discussion, each person had to share how they were disciplined as a child, how it made us feel, what were the results of it, would we do things differently, etc. I said that I had been spanked as a child, but it wasn't that often, as I always tried to be "good kid". Everyone laughed. I went on to say, that I was spanked and I turned out ok. Lidia quickly came in and said - yes, that's true Courtney but you want to know why? It's because while you were punished with spanking, your parents also gave you a balance of discipline. These children have never had balance. Have never had discipline. Only punishment.
As we were discussing topics in our small groups, we started talking about the fact that we didn't think that this would be as big of an issue for us in the group, as we were all looking to adopt children under the age of 3. Lidia overheard our conversation and asked the whole room to listen. She asked us how many of us thought it would be easier to manage younger children? We all raised our hands. She said that we were wrong and you want to know why? Because young children, especially under the age of 2 are unable to communicate. They cannot express their emotions, tell you what happened to them, express how it made them feel. They have no words. They are detached. They are isolated. They are alone. So even though the length of time of possible abuse is shorter the younger they are, doesn't mean that the results will be any different. This was a huge eye opener for us.
This post has gone on much longer than I thought and I'm sure that I've touched on so many topics, had a few rabbit trails and jumped all over the place....for that I apologize. I guess it gives you a glimpse of were our heads and hearts have been taken over the past 2 weeks.
As I said at the beginning of this post ~ this training has been eye-opening, heart-wrenching, thought-provoking and life-changing for us. It's been joyful and fearful, happy and sad, excited and scared....all at the same time. We hear the stories that Lidia shares and our hearts ache for our children, knowing that their little lives have already been so disrupted. We long to be able to bring them home, protect them, love them, nurture them and give them every opportunity in this world. We know that we can only do this with God's help and guidance along the way.
We know that the Lord is watching over our children tonight and that comforts us in ways unimaginable. It truly is amazing to love someone(s) so much and yet not even know them. Only God could put that love in our hearts. God is good....ALL the time. All the time....God is good!
Monday, May 14, 2007
1st Training Session
Michael & I attended our first of three mandatory PRIDE training sessions this past Saturday. We had no idea of what to expect but were anxious to get it started.
We arrived at DePelchin Children’s Services and were ushered into a large conference room. We signed in, grabbed our 4inch manual (or life book, as the caseworker called it) and sat down at a group table for 4 people. There were 30 of us in attendance. There were married couples, single people, those with biological children and those without, those who were on their 2nd adoption and those being re-certified for foster parenting. There were also a few people there who weren’t sure of which direction they were taking and were hoping to gain clarification through the training process. Some of us were there for adoption while others were there for foster care. PRIDE training is for both adoptive and foster care parents. In the State of Texas, if you wish to adopt from the state, you have to be licensed to be a foster care parent. Michael & I were joined by a single grandmother who wanted to open her home to foster care and by a married lady (whose husband had already taken the training) who was doing a kinship-adoption and in the process of adopting her 3 nieces who are in CPS custody in Alaska. We all had very different backgrounds and future goals, so it was great to be able to share the training together and gain different perspectives on things.
Lidia, our trainer, has been with CPS for 30 years. I can’t even begin to imagine all the things that she has seen. She was very open, honest and upfront. The training was more than informative. It was overwhelming. The bottom line is this: these children have all experienced major loss in their lives. They have all experienced some sort of trauma. These children are removed from the only lives they know, regardless of how bad their situation was. The early years of a child are the most critical in building who they are and what they believe to be true, right and good. There are many reasons a child might be placed in foster care: physical neglect, homelessness, poverty, sexual abuse, physical abuse, death of parents, or medical issues; and because of this, there are many potential risks and situations that we might encounter in bringing our children home. Just like when you get a new medication from your doctor and they tell you of all the risks and you begin to wonder why in the world would I even want to take the medication? ~ So it is in adopting children through the State. You hear of all the risks, the potentials issues the child might have, the emotional state of the child, the inability to attach themselves to another adult or trust another adult.
They gave us all the worst case scenarios ~ not to scare us, but to prepare us. So, why would we want to risk that? Why would we want to go through this? It is not the child’s fault that they are in this situation. Every child deserves to be loved, cared for, nurtured, encouraged, and protected and to feel safe in their own home. Michael & I have felt from the beginning that only God could have brought us down this road. When we talked about adoption in the past (while still trying to conceive on our own), we just naturally thought of private adoption. We never discussed adopting through the State; it just wasn’t even a thought. It was only after God spoke to both of us in different ways that it was clear that this is what God chose for us.
Our eyes are open to the possible risks or situations but our hearts are open to accepting and loving the children that God brings to us. We are confident that God is preparing our children even now for joining our family. We pray each day for our children and for the foster care parents that are currently taking care of them. We know that God is in control. We know that He is a BIG God and we know that He will not bring us through anything that we can’t handle.
We have 2 more Saturday sessions and then we’ll be through with our mandated training. At that point, we will be assigned an adoption case worker and that person will come and do our home study. Apparently the home study is very intrusive, complex, time consuming and overwhelming ~ but again, all part of the process. We have about 4 hours of homework to do each week as well. This is also stressful as the homework is turned in to your case worker, placed in your permanent file and is a major contributing factor in their decision process.
We so appreciate your prayers, support and encouragement along the way.
I am confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27:13 – 14)
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Confirmation
This time the US Postal Service delivered really fast! Dennis called us tonight to let us know that he got our packet ~ we just mailed it yesterday. He wanted to let us know that everything looked great. See...there was no need for me to be worried about how we answered the questions or what someone might think! We really do worry too much about things.
Dennis confirmed that we're on the fast track and that once our training is completed at the end of this month, we will be assigned a case worker and things should move very quickly then.
Michael & I just looked at each other and said - we could be parents by the end of the summer! What?! Remember when I said in an earlier post that things seem to go by really slowly and then at times very quickly...this would be one of those "quick" times.
It's very hard to plan. When you're pregnant, you have a good estimation of when you will bring your child home. In our case, we don't know whether it will be one child or two; what age they will be; if they'll be boys or girls, or one of each; and we have no idea of when we would get the call to let us know we've been chosen. How do you prepare? There really is no way. Do we buy a crib, a toddler bed or one of each? Do we have them share a room or do we make a room for each? So many many questions. This is definitely going to be one of those times of truly trusting in the Lord to give us direction and peace in the midst of chaos and the unknown. We know that it will all work out in His timing and in His way, but the OCD/organizational/planner in me, freaks out!
We're excited, nervous, anxious, happy and praising God for all His blessings along this journey!
