Not that we had any doubts....

we passed our state licensing inspection this morning! Now, we're good for another 3 years...and unless we decide to foster-to-adopt again, we're good for good!

I'm just glad to have this done and to not worry about it anymore.

Inspector....where are you???

My house is completely in order. Paperwork filed and easily accessible. Frig and freezer completely filled with all things fresh. Trash discarded. Childproofing 101, done twice. Dog current on vaccinations. Work schedules re-arranged. Inspection was scheduled for 9am....it's now 11:34am.

....and no inspector. No call. No voicemail. No email. Nothing. Just nothing....unless you want to talk about frustration...now, that's not nothing!

Where we are....How are we?

Many of you have asked where we are at in our journey and how we are doing, so I thought I'd take this rare moment to blog. (Man those days of just blogging whenever I thought of something are LONG gone!.... but I'm not complaining!)

There really isn't much news as far as Maggie's adoption goes. If you've read our blog, you'll know that her birth mother was granted one visit back in September. Due to the reaction of both birth mother and Maggie, no further visits have been granted. We are thankful for this. Honestly, it was amazing to see how much damage was done in one short hour. Unbelievable and heartbreaking. All the work that Michael & I had been able to accomplish with Maggie over the 7 weeks (at that time) that she had been with us, had been erased. Just like that...and then some. It took us almost 10 days to get her back to her "old" self...for Maggie to find her security again. Her smile again. Her laughter again. Her peaceful sleeping again. She was absolutely undone after that visit and there was absolutely nothing that I could do, except hold her, rock her, love her and pray over her. I realize that isn't "nothing" but it's just so completely heartbreaking to not know what to do or how to fix it. I'm a "fixer" by nature and this time I just couldn't fix it. But thankfully we have a GOD who can fix all things...and He used this time to really deepen our bonds with each other and draw us closer together as a family.

2 weeks ago, there was a permanency conference in regards to Maggie's case. It's basically a time for all parties involved to come together and discuss Maggie and her case. Her birth mother did not show up. This was really bad for her...great for us! As far as we know, the birth mom has not been in contact with CPS since the visit, or completed any task that the judge required her to do over 3 months ago. Everyone is pushing for unrelated adoption to happen quickly, so we are praying that this is what will transpire at the next court hearing on November 10th.

In the meantime, we've been inundated with getting everything set up for Maggie's surgery on the 17th. Maggie has severe sleep apnea, especially for her size/age, so they are going to be removing her adenoids and tonsils, as well as putting tubes in her ears (since she's already had 3 ear infections since she's been with us). In most cases, kids go home the same day. However, due to the severity of her sleep apnea, they will be keeping her 3 - 5 days. She is a mouth breather and actually has no idea of what to even do with her nose (poor baby). She can't do anything with her nose. Because of this, they will need to re-train her to breathe properly. It's never easy to see your child have to endure a surgery or medical issue, but we're hoping that this will be the end to her issues, as well as the 5 medications that she takes on a daily basis. I know that she will feel better and sleep better, once this is taken care of.

As I mentioned in my last post, we have our inspection tomorrow morning by the state licensing department. I'm not too concerned about it because I know that we have a safe and healthy environment, but anytime that an official comes out to your house, you can't help but get a little unnerved. Our caseworker came out on Friday and she said that our house shouldn't have any issues...we certainly hope so. Apparently, we have been assigned one of the "sticklers" of the department. She's the one who always writes up the most people with issues...great! Every medication is double locked, every cleaner is locked up, all plugs have safety covers on them, all safety latches still lock on the cabinets, everything in the frig and freezer is fresh, all paperwork is filed away properly, new fire extinguisher is hung up, license is posted on the wall, escape route is available....so please, let's hope that covers it!!!!

Ahhhh...yes...so how are we? Thanks for asking! It's funny because once you have a little one, you're quickly forgotten about! That's not a slam on anyone...it's just the truth. I've been guilty of it so many times myself. We're always so enamored by the kiddos, we forget about Mommy and Daddy. So, for those of you who has asked......we are doing pretty good. You know, it's really been amazing to see God's handiwork throughout our journey and our lives. Our lives changed the moment Maggie walked into our home, and forever in our hearts. It hasn't always been easy, fun, smiles and triumphs...but it has always been blessed. We are just so grateful for this precious little one that the Lord has given us. It's hard to remember the hard times. They're there, believe me, but when I see that smiling face, or hear "MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" when I walk in the door, or feel that hug around my neck, or sweet kisses on my cheek...I am completely overwhelmed with how blessed I am and how much God loves me! It's only because of the Lord that we have Maggie.

We are better. We are complete. We are blessed. We are loved.

Whatever happened to time?

I used to have time...time to do "this", time to do "that"...but not anymore! Not only because we have a 20 month old but because we have a 20 month old through the foster care system. It amazes me how the state expects us to do all that they require us to do, in the time frame that they offer and still manage to even take care of ourselves, let alone our children.

We have been "randomly" selected (Michael & I just laugh at that notion!) by the Texas Department of Family & Social Services, Child Care Licensing Division to have our foster/adopt home inspected/investigated. Surprisingly, they do give you the time and date, but they don't give you much of a notice. Our inspection is scheduled for Monday morning.

Due to the fact that our journey took longer than we thought it would, most of our classes/certifications have expired. This wouldn't be too big of a deal, except for the fact that these are part of the inspection...verification of up-to-date certifications/credit hours of training. GREAT! We were actually scheduled to take 2 classes the last week of September, but we all know what happened instead....Hurricane Ike. Those classes have been rescheduled for the end of October, which of course, is after our inspection.

I have been hurrying around trying to find creative alternatives to our classes, including calling all the other agencies in the area, to see if they might be offering the class, and if it would be "comparable" to what our agency requires. Our agency has been more than willing to work with us, as the inspection also affects them and their ratings. But alas, the calls were not returned and/or agencies not offering the classes in the time frame we needed. However, our caseworker is actually certified to teach one of the classes, so she will be coming over tomorrow to teach it to us in our home. Personally, it works out better for us :) DONE!

Then we realized that our CPR has expired and that's a BIG thing...found someone who can come out on Saturday morning to re-certify us in our home. DONE!

Oh yeah, and then the dog has to be up to date on his vaccinations...good thing we already had an appointment scheduled for Saturday morning....or did we? Apparently not, according to the office today, when I confirmed. And of course, they are completely booked up Saturday and Sunday. But wait, I can drop him off tomorrow at 7am and pick him up after 5pm. DONE!

The only thing that I can say "Thanks, Ike" to is the fact that I had to clean out everything in the refrigerator and restock...as this is also something that they inspect. DONE!

Oh and did I mention, that in the midst of all this, I'm a momma to a 20 month old who returned back to work full time this past week? :)

19 days later....

I'm back and blogging. I am sure some of you have wondered where we have been...checking in and not finding any new entries...sorry for that! I hate it when I check in on other blogs and there hasn't been anything updated. :(

Life has been more than crazy the past few weeks! From dealing with the aftermath of Maggie's visit with her birth mother, being without power for 10 days due to Hurricane Ike, my grandfather having a stroke and being hospitalized for 6 days, to finishing up my maternity leave and returning to work. (more specific blog posts to come)

In the midst of all the chaos, we learned to love more deeply, to laugh when we wanted to cry, cried when we felt the pain more deeply than we thought possible, held on to our daughter and comforted her when we didn't know what else to do, found new ways to entertain a 20 month old (and ourselves for that matter) when we were without power for 10 days, and take each day as a blessing.

When you are in the middle of such times like these, you often forget that things could always be worse. So, we learn to be thankful. Thankful for the love. Thankful for the laughter and tears. Thankful for the loved ones God has given us. Thankful that the hurricane didn't do more damage than it did. Thankful for a boss that is flexible and understanding to our situation and accommodating to our needs. Thankful for family and friends who come along side us in prayer and encouragement, and most of all, thankful for our Lord and Savior, without whom we would not be who we are or where we are today.

Emotions.....

One hour to go...how much time do I allow. I don't want to be there too early but I definitely don't want to be there late. Dang...no traffic on I-45? 25 minutes early. Drive around town. Dont' want to get out of the car. Never know if I might run into birth mom somewhere and not know it. Find CPS office. Verify the address. Yep. CPS office. Are you kidding me? Run down old shopping center....bad part of town....driving in circles....hoping to not be seen....baby in the carseat looking so sweet and completely unaware of what is about to happen. I smile but I really want to cry. Drive around to the back alley. Wait for CPS caseworker to appear out of one of the unmarked doors. Door opens up. Caseworker walks out. Heart stops. I can't believe that I'm actually sitting in the back alley, getting ready to hand off my daughter to basically a stranger with some credentials...and that this is ok. Sweet Maggie. Not understanding what is going on. Why is Momma taking me out of the car and giving me to this lady? Maggie cries. I tell her that I will see her in just a little bit. First time we have been separated since she came home. I drive off. Thankfully, Sally is going to meet me at Hobby Lobby to help take my mind off of it. It does. We buy way too much scrapbook paper. Of course, all the while, thinking of all the different scrapbooks I need to do for Maggie. Keep watching my clock. 20 minutes left. Better check out. Don't want to be late. Drive back to that old back alley and wait...and wait...and wait. Seriously...could the last 5 minutes take any longer? Waiting for that dungeon door to open up and see my baby.

Door opens. Caseworker walks out with my sweet baby. Maggie looks exhausted. She's dressed in different clothes. Wonder why? Caseworker tells me that Birthmom wanted to change her immediately and check her out to make sure she isn't being abused by her foster parents. Want to scream but I smile and nod. Caseworker understands. Maggie so relieved to see me. Arms open wide...hands folding in and out...hold me Momma. Kisses exchanged. Baby buckled in. Caseworker tells me that Maggie wanted nothing to do with her BM. She screamed for 45 of the 60 minute visit. It was a good bad visit. No further visits are currently scheduled. Relief.

Get into car. Look back to say something but find that my sweet angel is already fast asleep. Thankful for an hour long drive back home. Cried my eyes out. Wonder how in the world can someone treat my baby, or any child, this way?

Drive up in the driveway. Squeals are heard. Smile on that sweet little one's face. Arms opened wide. Grip so tight around my neck, I can hardly breathe. I don't mind. Little one so traumatized that she won't let her Momma go from the moment we got home until 8 hours later...and even then didn't sleep through the night.

Emotions...they are difficult, wonderful, challenging, hard, sweet and full.

Risk...something you have to be willing to take, to be able to live and love at all.

Maggie ~ worth all the emotions...worth all of the risks!

Claiming this today

Romans 8:22-39, from The Message:

^{22 -25}All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.

^{26 -28}Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

^{29 -30}God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.

^{31 -39}So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

~ Amen!

Prayer

I just wanted to take a minute to ask for your prayers tomorrow. I will be taking Maggie up to the CPS office in Conroe at 1pm for her court-ordered visitation with her biological mother. We are unsure if the mom will even show up or pass her court-required drug test, but we have to assume the visit taking place. We are a bit anxious about this visit, for many reasons, and above all else, would appreciate your prayers for protection over Maggie. These visits are often very traumatic for the child, even when they don't know the parent (as she most likely won't remember her since it's been so long & hasn't spent much time around her at all). The visit will be for an hour and will be supervised by her CPS caseworker, her court appointed advocate and a police officer. So, I know on "paper" she will be protected, but as her Momma, the one who has been her protector the longest, I can't be there to protect her and make sure she's ok. But we can rest in the knowledge that God, our Father, will be there to watch over her and protect her.

There are so many different thoughts running through my mind, but I know that God understands and is present. It's really hard to put into words how I'm feeling....I just have to keep reminding myself that it's just one hour...and when that hour is over, Maggie will come home to her Momma and Daddy who love her to the moon and back!

A day at the park...

It was an unusual thing to find this morning....cooler weather outside! So, I decided to take Maggie up to Meyer Park and play for a while.

This was our first time to the park, and possibly her first ever. She took it all in. The ducks. The geese. The doves and even those NASTY nutrias! We walked and walked and walked....guess she was more interested in checking everything out, rather than actually playing on the playgrounds. Eventually, she eased her way onto the sand, climbed up the stairs, and even took a few rides down the slides. We then moved over to the swings...and oh that girl loved that swing. I think she would've stayed in that swing all day, if we could. She'd lay her head back, close her eyes and seemed to just soak it all in.

At that moment, I was reminded that no matter how complicated life can be, or how many worries we carry with us...just like that, we can lay our heads back, close our eyes, raise our heads and eyes to the heavens and know that God is in control! It's amazing how much someone so little can teach so much!

Where did the week go?

When we first brought Maggie home, I oftened wondered how in the world could a day go by sooooo slowly?! I remember thinking...it's ONLY 9am? It's only 9:08am? and so on....and now...I'm thinking...is it seriously already Sunday again? Where did the week go?

This past week was quite full ~ not necessarily with places to go, but with things to do!

Maggie had her first dental appointment. It went well, but then again, how else could it have gone? It was literally a 5 minute appointment. I sure do wish mine were like that. Note to self: need to schedule dental appointment.

I also had the wonderful task of trying to schedule her surgery at Texas Children's. I called the number that the ENT office gave me. They said that the ENT would need to send over Maggie's medical records and referral letter before an appointment could be made with one of their specialists. I called the ENT's office and they said that TCH has their own referral form. Please have TCH fax over their referral form to our office, we will complete it and send it back. Called TCH and asked about referral form. Was informed that some departments have their own form, but they don't. Called ENT's office back to let them know that they just needed to have the doctor write a referral for Maggie and send the records. They seemed quite frustrated with me (they're frustrated?!?!?!) and said that they would TRY and get it to it by Wednesday (it was Monday when I called). Thankfully the ENT's office sent the information over fairly quickly and I was able to get the next available appointment - September 25th. This is just to see a doctor to have them say, yes, she does need the surgery...let's schedule it. UGH! Oh the red tape! Oh the governmental system! It's truly ridiculous!

On Friday, Maggie & I went over to my friend's Sally's inlaws to go swimming. We had a great time with Sally & Spencer. It was a beautiful sunny, hot Houston day. Maggie loved the water and playing with Spencer. One problem...in the midst of all the chaos, I forgot one minor thing. Sunscreen on momma. Can we say RED? Unlike my beautiful, gorgeous tanned daughter, I need the sunscreen. I am still in pain, 3 days later. Maggie, on the other hand, couldn't be darker if I painted her brown!

I also finally got my car back from the body shop. Oh, I don't think I blogged about the old (85+) lady who backed up into my parked car, while visiting my grandparents...and who wanted to blame me for parking in the middle of the street. Oh dear Peggy...let's not even go there. She asked that I not file a claim on her insurance...she'd just pay for it. I got an estimate and informed her of the price. She filed a claim. It took almost 2 weeks for the body shop to repair my car...and honestly, the damage was minimal...except for the fact that I couldn't open up my driver's door. I will forever appreciate my Honda Pilot and the incredible reliability and pick up speed it has...now that I've driven a Kia Sedona for 2 weeks. Welcome back, Pilot!

For those of you mommas out there...I'm sure you'll appreciate this. I knew that I was going to get a rental car. I didn't think it would be for too long, so I decided to just leave Maggie's car seat in my Pilot, and use the 2nd carseat that my sister, Ashley, gave me a long time ago. This way, I wouldn't have to mess with taking out her seat, since honestly, I can't quite figure out how to get it out anyway. Can we say complicated? So, I get back to the house with the rental car and I go to put the other car seat in. What a struggle. I couldn't figure out how to secure the dadgum thing....I was sweating....going from one side to the next, laying down in the back, trying to get the extra latch to fit in a spot that couldn't possibly be for the latch. Finally, about 20 minutes later, I get it in. WHEW! Now, I go to get Maggie, bring her out to the car, put her in the car seat, pull up the straps....pull up the straps...pull....up....UGH! Can any of you guess my next problem? I didn't even THINK to check to see if the straps would be in the right position...and you guessed it...they weren't. It would've been one thing if the straps were too loose...but NO...they were way too tight. I couldn't believe it. I was so frustrated! I pulled Maggie out. Put her in the house. Went back out to the car and 10 minutes later, got the car seat out of the rental, brought it back into the house, to find my daughter crying and my husband just looking at me, wondering what in the world is going on. I throw the car seat down in front of him, burst into tears and walk out of the room. Yes, Mommas...it was not a pretty moment.

Needless to say, it's an older car seat, so I had to unlatch each strap, pull the straps out, adjust the height, pull the straps back through, rehook all latches, and then attempt to put it back in the car. Yeah right. All the while I was thinking...do I seriously need milk that badly....or can it just wait? I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who has had moments like this....right?

Maggie is doing great! She's really working hard on her words and definitely babbling non-stop. Her bedtime and naptime routines are great. She loves being outside and in the water, so the baby pool has been a huge success this summer! She actually cries every morning when we don't get in it right away. Hard to tell an 18 month old that it's just too early to swim (7am). Michael & I are doing well and have really adjusted to our new life. It's hard to remember what our life was even like pre-Maggie. We're grateful and feel so blessed to be called Maggie's momma and daddy.

We've got a few other things coming up in the next 2 weeks. We'll keep you posted and always, appreciate your prayers!

6 Random Things ~ I've been tagged!

Okay I was tagged by my friend, Tami Whitmarsh, to blog 6 random things about myself. Thanks, Tami!

Here are the tagging rules:

1. Post the rules on your blog
2. Write 6 random things about yourself
3. Tag 6 people at the end of your post
4. If you are tagged, DO IT and pass it along

So, here are my Random Facts:

1. I can't stand any type of artificial lighting. I've always read with the lights off, watched tv with the lights off, even work in my office at work with the lights off. I love natural light. All other lights give me headaches. Of course, that might explain my need for glasses.

2. I love the Peyton & Eli Manning commercials. They crack me up. I hate the Sonic commercials. They don't. And, while we're on the subject...could they seriously play the cell phone commercial where the parents are monitoring cell phone minutes when the kids crash the car?! I'd be doing a lot more than decreasing minutes (but I digress)

3. I'm a huge gum chewer. I always have gum on me. My newest fav is Stride's sugarfree Mandarin Orange (much to my nieces dismay...as they go for the green spearmint).

4. I've been a Mary Engelbreit collector for 20 years...thanks to Mom!

5. I'm still working on my Mary Engelbreit Christmas cross-stitch project from last year. I started it in Sept of 2007 and worked on it every single day (hours on end) until Christmas Day. I couldn't get it done in time. And I am determined to get it finished by this Christmas...but that's not looking so good either!

6. Michael & I met online in a Christian chatroom and I knew the first time that I spoke to him on the phone, that he'd be my husband. We met online on January 26, 2003. Spoke on the phone for the first time on January 27, 2003. We met in person on February 27, 2003. Michael stayed in Houston for 11 days. Michael moved to Houston on July 27, 2003. We got engaged on August 2, 2003. We got married on November 8, 2003. Can we say whirlwind? Can we say God?!

Here are the people I'm tagging:
1. Erica
2. Kelly
3. Jenni
4. Shana
5. Jocelyn
6. Jenny

check...check...check...check...check...check...

• Maggie's 1st visit to the dentist....check. (very easy when you only have a few teeth!)
• Schedule appointment with ECI (early childhood intervention)....check.
• ENT send referral to Texas Children's for Maggies' surgery...check.
• Follow up with TCH on referral and schedule appointment for Maggie's surgery...check. (even though the earliest available appointment to see another specialist isn't until Sept. 25th!)
• Clean up dining room from my all night scrapbooking on Friday (in celebration of my parent's 40th wedding anniversary)...check.
• Get all laundry folded and put away...check.
• Get Maggie to take a good nap..........
• Get Maggie to bed early tonight.......

Well, 6 out 8 is pretty good....don't you think?!?!?

Here's hoping that my sweet little one will go to sleep and stay asleep tonight (she was up at 3:30 this morning!) Hope you all have a good night too!

Love,

One day at a time...

That's how we're livin'....one day at a time.


We finally heard back from the CPS CW, 2 days after the court hearing. She informed us that the permanency plan of unrelated adoption was still presented and everyone was still on board with pushing forward with that. However, by law, Maggie's bio-mom still has her rights, and therefore, the judge has to give visitation (with a clean drug test) and offer a service plan, regardless of the permanency plan offered. This means that nothing has really changed...other than it's going to be an emotional roller coaster and it will most likely just take longer to terminate rights. Again, without going into detail (due to privacy and legal issues), it's VERY doubtful that the bio-mom will even come close to fulfilling the requirements that the judge will put in place, as well as the fact that it's not just the completion of services that make the final decision. She would also have to prove to be a stable and able parent, which is most highly doubtful. So, at this time, we're pressing on, loving and caring for Maggie, keeping her safe and secure, and walking the path of true faith like never before.

On another note, Maggie's CT scan showed that she does not have the nasal/sinus obstructions that they had feared! We are so thrilled about that....as it could have been some fairly serious surgery and recovery time. However, it did show that her tonsils and adenoids do need to be removed. Due to her extreme sleep apnea and the possible complications, the ENT referred us to Texas Children's for the surgery. We are in the process of getting all of the paperwork and records sent to TCH so that a physician there can see her and then schedule the surgery. This process has been anything but simple and easy. Even making doctor's appointments can be quite challenging. Dealing with Medicaid is definitely a new experience and one that I hope most don't have to deal with. So many forms, referral for this and that. It's no wonder that our system is so screwed up....they make it way too complicated. I am to follow up with TCH on Wednesday to schedule an initial drs. visit.

Tomorrow morning Maggie has her first dentist appointment. This should be interesting, since she does NOT like for me to brush her teeth. Yes, a dental appointment at 18 months old! The state requires all children in the system to see the dentist as soon as they go into care. If I thought finding a doctor who took the Star Medicaid was difficult...try finding a dentist who sees children under the age of 3...and oh yeah, takes Star Health Medicaid.

I just realized that my post might be coming across as negative and like I am complaining, but it's just that it's been a rough few days. We all go through that ~ no matter where we are in life, what we are going through, what battles we are facing. There will be days that are harder than others but like my Momma always says "THIS TOO SHALL PASS" And in the meantime, we just need to hold on a little tighter to our Father God, who has ALL THINGS in His hands...even the pesky receptionists at the doctor's offices and the paperwork that continues to need to be filled out.

So, tonight, as I close...may you hold your loved ones tighter and may you feel the love of our Heavenly Father more deeply than ever before.

Much love to you all!

What we know....

so far is that the judge awarded Maggie's bio-mom visitation rights and the first visit is to take place next week at CPS. The supervised visit is for an hour. Maggie's CPS caseworker also told us that the judge is working on a service plan for the mom to regain custody of Maggie. We were absolutely floored by this information, as everyone involved has told us that this just wasn't possible, with the mom's history. However, something must've happened...and we don't know what yet. The CW couldn't say anything else to me on the phone and said she'd call me back "sometime" today...ugh?!

As I laid in my bed in the fetal position sobbing, I was reminded once again, that satan is powerful and that I cannot feel defeated. It's so easy to jump to all sorts of conclusions, play out scenarios and put things in motion in our minds...because we don't have all the information or know all the answers...BUT GOD does! He is more powerful than satan. God is in CONTROL. God already knows the outcome. If Michael & I truly believe what we say we believe, we must stand strong, press forward, pray that the complete truth is revealed, and continue to love, protect and care for Maggie.

Although it feels as if everything has changed, nothing has changed. Maggie still calls us Momma and Daddy and Maggie is still our daughter and God is still God...that's all we need to know right now.

Thanks for your prayers. We'll be sure to keep you posted!

Court hearing tomorrow

Just a quick note to let you know that Maggie's first court hearing is this morning at 9:30am. It is just a status hearing and the time for all the parties involved to come before the judge to discuss her case and their plan of action. We have been told that everyone is on board to move quickly to unrelated adoption. However, we have also been notified, that after 9+ months of being out of the picture, her biological mom has all of a sudden, decided to pop back into the picture, and is wanting immediate visitation rights, as well as regaining custody of Maggie. We can't share the particulars of her background, but if you heard even a small portion of it, you'd know that there is no way that Maggie should be returned to her biological mother, let alone even be granted any visitation. Even the mother's attorney is on our side.

It is hard to put into words, all the many emotions that are flowing through me right now. But in the midst of the unknowns, we are confident that God is in control. We know that God brought Maggie into our lives. She is our daughter. She is ours. We are her Momma and Daddy. She is loved. She is safe. She is home. And that's what we cling to.

Even though everyone is telling us that they're for us, Satan still has his way of getting into our minds. Oh the scenarios that have played out in my mind the past few days! But, I will NOT let those thoughts take over me. I will cling to the hope of knowing that God is sovereign, loving and still with us. He has gone before us. He is walking with us. He will protect us. He will provide for us. He will carry us...and with that, we take each day as it comes....loving our daughter, enjoying each moment we have together, and thanking God for the miracle of her sweet little life.

Due to the circumstances of Maggie's mother's situation, we will not be in court tomorrow morning. So, we will be at home, waiting for the caseworker to call us with an update, and praying that the Lord's will be done.

Thanks for praying with us. We'll be sure to let you know what happens.

Love to all ~

The night before a big day...for my little one

Tonight, my little one has no idea of the big day she has in store for her tomorrow....and I'm thankful for that. Man, is it hard to be a momma!

We need to be at Texas Children's tomorrow morning by 6:30am, which means leaving our house by 5:30am, which means getting up at 4:30am, which means that I should already be in bed...but alas! I am blogging :)

Maggie is scheduled for a CT scan to check out everything going on with her sinus, nasal passages, adenoids, and everything else in between. Because of her age, she will need to be sedated, therefore, we have to be there 1 1/2 hours before her scan time of 8am. It should be interesting to see how she handles being poked and prodded for the anesthesia, poor thing.

Maggie basically can't breathe at all through her nose. She is a mouth breather. She is completely blocked. They don't know if it's just severe sinus issues and just needs sinus surgery, or if it's more serious with a nasal obstruction that would require complete nasal reconstruction. If either of these are the case, she will need to re-trained to learn how to breathe through her nose, as they suspect that she's never really been able to do so. We're hoping, of course, that surgery isn't necessary, but it might be the only solution to her medical issues. We'd appreciate your prayers as we go through the testing tomorrow.

On another note, we met with Maggie's CPS caseworker on Tuesday morning and the meeting went well. It's really hard to know how "well" it went, as they don't show too much emotion. You do feel as if every little move is being monitored and evaluated...did I respond to the question right? Did I go to Maggie quickly enough? Does our house look like an 18 month feels comfortable here? Did she notice that the dishes were still in the sink? Is she concerned that Maggie didn't seem to "need" me at all during our visit? Oh the questions that go through one's mind!

We did find out a little more into her birth mother's history and due to privacy issues, I won't share, although it's just more horrifying to know all that Maggie has endured in her short 18 months on this earth...and makes us even more thankful that the Lord brought her to us when He did. We have seen first hand that the Lord does prevail and that goodness does win over evil, even in a little life such as Maggie's.

During the meeting, we found out that Maggie hasn't had any of her immunizations at all, so we get to start on those on Friday. Poor baby!

Thanks for checking in with us and for your prayers.

Much love to all!

Positive Meeting

We had a great meeting with Maggie's CASA worker today. Patti was really sweet and thorough with explaining her involvement and process of the court hearings. She definitely is Maggie's advocate and is absolutely recommending us as the adoptive parents for Maggie in court on the 20th. She said that Maggie looked happy, healthy and very much at home with me and Michael. We felt really positive about our interactions with Patti and we are thankful that the Lord has placed her on our case.

Tomorrow we're off to let Maggie have some fun with her cousins, Cierra & Bobby, at their neighborhood splashpad! It's definitely hot enough here in Houston!

Thanks for all your prayers and friendship. We're thankful for all the support we've had along our journey.

CASA Meeting

We are meeting with Maggie's CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) this morning at 10:30am. We have heard positive things about CASA and thankful that Maggie does have someone in the system looking out for her best interests. Thanks to all for your prayers as we move forward into the abyss of many unknowns!

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Tuesday night and we have a post!

Hi fellow blogworld! Yes, it's Tuesday night and I'm posting a blog :) I have some quiet time right now, being that our satellite went out (even though there is no more rain falling), and thought I'd stop by and say hi.

It's hard to believe that we've had Maggie in our home for just 20 days, yet, she has been in our hearts for 18+ months. Michael & I were just saying that it feels as if we've had her forever and what in the world did we do with our time when it was just the 2 of us?

For those of you out there that are married without children yet.....take every opportunity that you have to spend with your spouse! Go on dates, go out to eat, watch a movie together, go bowling, play cards, go hiking...whatever it is that you enjoy doing together...do it! Those times are few and far between once little ones come into your lives. We got so excited tonight when we were actually able to sit next to each other on the couch, turn on the TV and not watch Noggin or Nick! You mean, we can actually watch "adult" tv?! It's the little things.

I took Maggie up to my office yesterday to introduce her to my co-workers. She was the hit of the office and everyone thought she was just beautiful and sweet. She was on her best behavior :) I have to admit that as much as I like the people that I work with, and have some special friendships with some co-workers, I would love to never have to walk back in there again. I'd love to just be able to stay home with Maggie. But, unfortunately, that isn't possible right now. So, in the meantime, I'm enjoying every minute of my 8 week adoption leave and thankful for the special time that I have to bond with Maggie.

My heart is so full! I have always wanted to be a Momma. I longed for the day when my little one would reach up for my hand, grab my neck and give me a squeeze, blow kisses in the rear view mirror as they sit in their carseat, or run to me when they are hurt or scared. And within 3 weeks, I have experienced all of these and more. It has been so worth everything that we have gone through.

We still have a ways to go with Maggie's case. We have an agency case worker, a CPS case worker and a Court Appointed Child Advocate (CASA) for Maggie. We have been contacted by all 3 this week and have been informed that they are "fast-tracking" her case for unrelated adoption (meaning, no one in the family is acceptable or willing). We should find out in the next day or two, when the court date is set. This is positive news for us, as the parental rights could be terminated much faster than we had hoped for. The state requires a child to be in your home a minimum of 6 months before an adoption can be filed, and in most cases it takes well over a year. However, in this case, as it stands TODAY, it looks like it could go much more quickly....which of course, we'd be more than thrilled about.

Please pray for us as we meet with these different women, as they come into our home and see our interaction with Maggie, and make determinations that will be given to the court for their decision. We know that God is in control and that He has brought us this far, He'll continue to lead us into the unknowns. We'll keep you posted!

Quiet in the house...

It's Saturday morning and everyone is asleep in the house...but me :) Daddy is napping on the couch, Maggie is sleeping in her stroller (her naptime choice of late) and Chopper is resting at her feet. Very cute indeed.

I never intended to be blogging just once a week, and on Saturdays, but that's the way it's rolling right now.

Life right now is... Wonderful. Hard. Joyful. Tiring. Stressful. Peaceful. Happy....and so many more emotions.

When you're pregnant, you have 9 months to build up to the birth of your child. You don't have that opportunity with adoption. You also have 18 months to work up to an 18 month old....I didn't get that. So, BOOM! One morning I go to work as a wife, and that afternoon, I become a mother! It's so surreal.

As the 2nd week of Maggie being home comes to an end, everything is falling into place, and it feels as if she's been with us forever. She has already changed so much. You can see how happy and content she is here. She feels safe. She feels loved. She gives kisses and hugs. She loves sitting on the couch with her Daddy and laying in the bed with Momma. She loves to play with all her many toys, puzzles, books, shoes, magnets...pretty much anything she can get her hands on!

Michael & I have prayed for Maggie for many years. The Lord has blessed us immensely. We often worried if we'd be able to love a child that was not biologically our own, but we knew that the Lord would give us the love...and give it He did! I can't imagine loving anyone anymore than I already do love Maggie Joy. Everyday I love her more. God is good!

I hear someone stirring....I better get back to drying my hair :)

Much love to all of you out there!