Off for some R&R

Yes, I'm still doing laundry. Yes, I still need to finish packing the bags. Yes, I organized the CDs in the order that we would be listening to them a week ago :)

Michael & I are excited about our trip to Hot Springs, Arkansas. We'll be heading out bright and early tomorrow morning(actually, it will be dark and early) ~ it's about a 6 hour drive....so not too bad.

We've rented a condo on Lake Hamilton and we are so excited to be out of Houston, away from work and getting a break from the adoption process ~ even if for just a few days.

I'll be sure to post some pictures of our time away when we get back. In the meantime, hope life is good for you all!

After many phone calls....

we finally got our 2 inspections scheduled for the Fire Marshall. The A/C guy and plumber will be out on Monday to do their inspections. It really was incredible how much people wanted to charge for their services. Now granted, if something were actually WRONG, then ok...but nothing's wrong with our A/C unit and we don't have a gas leak. In any event, we have to have it done and it do any good to complain about it. However, after all that we've gone through, I have decided that on my much needed vacation next week, that I am going to take the time to write the people that have been elected to represent me and offer up my thoughts on the whole foster care system and the process that goes along with adoption. That's what they're there for, right?!

On another note, we have had no response from our agency and are feeling really left out in limbo. A few people that we have met along the way, who have already gone through the system, have suggested that we contact another agency to possibly transfer our file. I'm not sure what all is involved in that, however, I do know that everything that we've done to date would be the same, regardless of the agency. We're just praying about what to do, as we don't want to delay anythign any longer.

Michael & I leave on Thursday for a much needed vacation. Just a time to get away, relax and not be overwhelmed with the process of everything. Plus, who knows, when the next time will be that we can actually go somewhere alone for more than a day?! So, we're taking advantage of the time now.

We'll keep you posted on how things progress as we know more. We love you guys and appreciate your friendships and encouragement along our journey.

One step forward....two steps back

As I've mentioned before, we have to get our house inspected by the Fire Marshall's office for our adoption. Yesterday, I dropped off our application and fee (yes, we have to pay for it) and they said that they'd give us a call in a week or so to schedule a time for the inspection. The timing was good, as Michael & I are taking a week off from work to go on a little vacation as well as have a few days around the house to get things (like this) done.

This morning, the Fire Marshall's office called to schedule our inspection! YAY! Are you kidding? Finally....something in a timely manner.

But wait....he proceeded to tell us what we had to have done to PASS the inspection, to include having a licensed plumber perform a gas inspection on the house, have our A/C unit tested by a licensed A/C inspector, have our electrical box labeled for each switch for each location (as well as nothing around it within a 3 foot radius) and if we have an attic pull-down door (which of course, we do), have a specific locking latch attached to it (which, of course, we do not have)....JUST to name a few things. There are actually 30+ items that have to be done for them to sign off on the house inspection.

Ok....1 step forward.....the Fire Marshall's office is ready to perform the inspection. 2 steps backwards - # 1: After calling around, the gas inspection is looking to cost anywhere from $300-$1000! #2: A/C unit testing is anywhere from $75 - $150.

Sometimes I feel like this journey is a lot like the classic game of Chutes & Ladders....



We're not worried with whether or not the house will pass, as it's only 2 years old. While we want our children to live in a safe house (the reason we moved this year!), it's somewhat difficult for us to understand why there are so many rules, regulations, tests, and inspections when we're the ones trying to help. I just wonder what would happen if every family that brought home a biological child, if their homes would pass inspection? I doubt it! I've had friends tell me that their houses wouldn't pass and can't believe that we have to go through all this.

While it's all worth it in the end, it would be nice if all of the costs of doing these things were somehow paid for by the State, since we are adopting these children from the foster care system. Please don't get me wrong....I know that you can't put a price on building your family. It's just that sometimes all of the red-tape and bureaucracy gets to be a bit much to handle.

In the meantime, we will press on, schedule the appointments, pay the fees for the services provided and pass the Fire Marshall's inspection of our home; all the while, praying that our little ones are safe and healthy while they're away from us.

*Update on caseworker: still waiting.

Children's Book Club

I've always had a huge love of reading and collecting books ~ my bookcases reflect that! So a few weeks back, I got an advertisement in the mail about joining a children's book club. Buy so many books for a penny, buy 3 more in 2 years....sure, I can do that. So I went through and bought the most expensive ones in the catalog (trying to get the most out of the deal). I just received the books the other day. Some are classics, some are ones that I've read with Gabriela, Isabela & Maya and others were just recommended. I also added 2 that my mom has given me over the years (one of her favorites is on top!) I can't wait to add more to the collection!

Finished product

Michael & I put the crib together on Saturday. We had a few "sna-fu's" but managed to put it together without too much trouble. Now, all we need to do is buy a new mattress and a "neutral" color sheet. The agency advised us to not decorate the room yet....which is fine since we don't know the gender of our children yet. Some people specify boy or girl and therefore decorate the room accordingly, but then when the caseworker comes for a homevisit and sees this, they usually won't consider the family for the other sex. So, we are leaving our's neutral until we know what we're getting (or if we'll even need a crib at all).

Next purchase: dresser.

A crib and a carseat.....

In preparation for our home visit, my sister Ashley has graciously allowed us to borrow one of her beautiful cribs as well as an extra car seat she had. We finally picked them up tonight.

It's rather strange to be prepared for something that you can't be prepared for. How do you prepare a child's room when you don't know the age or the gender of the child? There is a huge difference in preparing for a newborn, an infant, or a toddler. However, when the case worker comes out for our home study, they want to see that an effort has been made to prepare a child's room and that what you do have passes inspection. Ok....understood.

So, now we have a crib in pieces in the nursery.....I guess that means that we have to put it together now, right? Looks easy enough.....check back tomorrow to see if my blog post proves that the last statement was true :)

In preparing for all of this, I have wondered how I would explain the sudden appearance of children in our home and in our family to the 3 little ones in my life~ my nieces, Gabriela, Isabela & Maya. I have been so blessed to spend so much time with them over the past 3 - 5 years of their lives and they are a huge part of me. They understand that you carry a baby in your tummy and go to the hospital and have a baby and bring a baby home. They've seen that with the birth of my niece, Samantha. So, how do I explain to them that CC & Uncle are going to have 2 kids, but that CC isn't carrying a baby in her tummy, etc?

Well, tonight, I had such a conversation with Gabriela (age 5).
Gabriela: "CC, why do you need a crib?"
CC: "Well, Mommy's letting me use it at my house"
Gabriela: "For when kids come to visit? You know, CC, when I come over, I don't need to sleep in a crib. I can sleep in your bed with you."
CC: "yes, I know ~ this isn't for you. This is for a baby that CC & Uncle.............
Gabriela: (interupting me before I could finish my sentence) "CC! You're going to have a baby?! It's about time....we need another baby around here."
****of course, my heart sank for a moment, as I thought about the fact that I wouldn't be carrying these children in my belly or giving birth to them. She was so excited.****
CC: "Well, no, Gabriela, I don't have a baby in my tummy......"
****and before I knew it, Gabriela got distracted and the conversation ended.

To be honest, I was relieved. I just didn't really know what to say. I just figured that I would explain it to them, once Michael & I knew who are children were, their ages, names, etc., and maybe show them a picture or two. Maybe it will be easier then.

It's amazing what one little comment can do to shake you...just when you least expect it...even if it did come from the most precious 5 year old I know. As excited and hopeful that Michael & I are about adoption and creating our family the way God intended for us, it still hurts. And I don't think that will ever truly go away. However, while I haven't carried these children of ours in my belly, I have carried them in my heart. And for that, I am truly blessed.

1 of 3....

Our last class was taught by Dennis, our caseworker from the beginning. After the class, he let us know that he checked on the status of our case while we were watching one of our videos. He said that we are one of three families in the process of being assigned an adoption caseworker, who will also be performing our home study. It was a relief to know that we were at least "in line" to be assigned. It sure does feel like we got in the express lane at the grocery store with the person in front of us having 58 items to buy! (ever been there?!) Why is it that when you're in a rush, we always tend to have to slow down?

I think it's God's way of reminding us that He's in control and that His timing is best. So, while we are still waiting....it doesn't feel as though we're just left hanging.

We'll be sure to keep you posted on the latest, as soon as we know anything.

Last class...

Michael & I completed the final class required for our adoption - psychotropic drugs and medication administration. Unfortuately, 2/3 of the children in foster care are taking these very powerful drugs. For those of you who don't know, psychotropic drugs are any drugs capable of affecting the mind, emotions and behavior (for instance, antidepressants, anti-anxiety, tranquilizers,etc.) While I don't want to get into a debate into psychotropic drugs at this time, I do want to say this. I do believe that some people need to be on these types of medications but I don't believe that a pill can solve all of the emotional issues and problems foster children face while in the system. I do believe that 2/3 is way too high a count and something should be done about it. We did learn in the class that all of these drugs are approved by the FDA, but almost none of them are approved for the use in children.


After learning about all these drugs and all their side effects, we certainly hope and pray that our children will not be on these drugs. You might be thinking...well, that certainly won't happen since we're looking under the age of 3....but sadly enough, children that young are on these drugs too! How is it possible that a 2 year old can be on Lithium for Bi-polar disorder?! That just boggles my mind. I just don't see how that can be.


So, now when we pray for our children, we have more to pray about. Won't you pray with us, for our children and for all the other children in the system, waiting for their forever families.

Waiting....waiting....waiting.....

As you'll notice, I haven't posted any updates in about 3 weeks, because all Michael & I have been doing is waiting....waiting....and waiting some more. We did receive confirmation that all of our paperwork was received and accepted and that we had indeed completed all of the paperwork required (to this point, anyway). Our file has been transfered out of our caseworker's office and placed with someone else...who that is, we do not know. No one has provided us with that information. Therefore, it's a bit difficult to follow up with an anonymous person ~ and this is a great cause of our frustration.

I'm so frustrated, I don't even know what to write about today, but quite a few of you have asked for a status update so thought I should at least drop a few lines.

Michael & I are confident that God is in control and that His timing is perfect. It's just really hard being on the receiving end. We appreciate your prayers and will be sure to update you with any news as soon as we know something.

Silence....

It's been a full week since we've heard anything from Dennis. It's been really odd to not have anything to follow up on, forms to fill out and mail, or questions to answer. It's been silent. It's been hard.

In the silence, I certainly have heard a lot. I've heard all my thoughts and fears voiced in my head. I've heard all the questions that I've had come to the fore-front of my mind. I've also heard the Lord in his quiet way remind me that He is in control. I have been reminded of this:

Zephaniah 3:17

The Lord your God is with you,

He is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

He will quiet you with his love,

He will rejoice over you with singing.

My heart has been restless but I know that even in the silence, God is still at work. Patience and trust, even in the monotony of my daily routine is still the best preparation to courageously handle what is to come.

More?

Can you guess more what? That's right....more paperwork! Dennis received what I thought was our last packet of paperwork and called us. He said we're doing awesome but....oh no...not another "but". But, even though some paperwork doesn't truly apply to us, the State of Texas requires everyone to complete all paperwork regardless. So....that means we have a few more essays to write and questions to answer before our file will be complete. Then, we will hear from our caseworker.

While I understand that this is all part of the process and in the end, it will all be worth it, it does grow tiresome and somewhat challenging. I often wonder how many ways can I answer the same question without it coming off like a trite answer. We're also being asked to answer questions to how we will handle situations if we had children in middle school, high school and even college-aged students living at home. I don't know how we would handle these particular situations, except pray! While that is the best answer that Michael & I can give, we don't really think the State of Texas will. So, we have to work on our answers tonight so that we can get this paperwork in the mail and get the process moving.

I bought all of the child-proofing items for the house. Now, I guess we should put them all to good use!

That's about it from here. We're trying to survive the heat of Houston. Heat index of 102 today...and it's only mid-June! Yikes!

What????

More paperwork?! Yes, that's what you would have heard me say when speaking wtih Dennis yesterday...more paperwork. He called to let us know that he received all of our homework and that he was already reviewing it. He then went on to say that the paperwork that he had previously told us to disregard, was now required. Thankfully I still had it, so last night, we completed another 9 pages of paperwork and I mailed it out this afternoon. I'm sure this won't be the last time that this happens!

Dennis called me today to let me know that he has already signed off on everything and given our case file to a case worker. He didn't give us any details on who the case worker was but that they should be contacting us soon. Soon...not really sure what that means anymore.

We were told that we needed to get "moving" on the home inspections by the Fire Marshall's office and the Health Department, so I guess I will work on that on Monday. We also need to start child-proofing our house according to the regulations of the State of Texas. There is ALOT to do. We have already started working on one of the bedrooms, by getting the computer and desk out of there. We got a new computer and put it in our room, not my first choice of locations, but the only place that works for now. We're going to be able to give the old computer and desk to my sister and brother in law and now their 2 kiddos will have a computer of their own. We were glad that someone could use them!

Well, I'm off to review my checklists.....I just love being able to check things off! Happy Weekend everybody!

Homework Completed!

Yes, Michael & I were able to complete our homework on Friday night and mailed it out today. Whew! What a relief! Now, we just have to wait. Dennis said that he would review everything and give us a call to discuss the next step. I don't know how long it will take for a caseworker to be assigned to us. Hopefully not too long.

Time certainly has taken on a different definition for us. Each day, time means something different. We want more of it and then at the same time, want it to hurry up; then we don't have enough of it and wonder where it went! I'm sure most of you can relate.

So, we just wait.....knowing that every day has the same amount of time in it...we just don't know how slowly or how quickly the day will go.

Stay tuned for updates soon!

Oops......

It was 11pm on a Thursday, when I found myself gathering up our homework and assignments to send off to Dennis at LSS.....as I went through the checklist, I shrieked! OH NO! We didn't do Chapter 3's homework. How did we miss this? (maybe because we had 22 assignments to complete between the 2 of us!) MAYBE it will be an easy one and we can get it done real quick. All of a sudden I had that instant panic feeling of when I was in college, remembering that something was due the next morning and what was I going to do!? I have been so good about organizing everything, keeping up with our assignments, staying on top of things, never a procrastinator...I just couldn't believe that I missed it!

So I quickly went to Chapter 3, section 9 and found 6 pages that needed to be filled out. Not only were there 6 pages for each of us, but it was also one of the more intense sections we covered. Needless to say, it was now 11:15pm, Michael was already asleep, I still had a load of laundry in the washer that needed to be transfered to the dryer and our lunches weren't ready for the next day. The decision was made....the packet of paperwork will just have to be mailed on Monday.

Well, if this taught me anything, it's this. Things happen. Things get missed. Plans change and I just need to go with the flow. Our last session of training was all about change...and how our world will be changing in more ways than we can ever imagine in the months to come. So, I guess this was just a glimpse of my ever-changing world. Funny thing is...I woke up this morning, and the world hadn't come to an end....who would've thought?! (ha!)

Fully trained....

On paper anyway! Yes, Michael & I have completed our required 30 hours of training for our adoption. Seems like it was just yesterday that we found out when we would take our classes and that the 30 hours would take "forever" to get through...and now, we're done and we can't believe how quickly time flew!

During our last session, we had a foster mom visit with us. She is a remarkable lady. She and her husband have been foster care parents for 30 years and have taken care of almost 90 drug addicted/drug affected babies in that time. She was very open and honest with us in what they've experienced and it was great to hear first hand from someone. In the end, Michael & I were so thankful for her ministry and sacrifice and prayed that our children were in the care of foster parents like her!

We now have to complete all of our homework and projects, turn them in to Dennis at LSS and then it will all be reviewed by a caseworker. We will then be assigned an adoption caseworker to perform our homestudy. I'm not sure how long that will take; we'll have to find out from Dennis.

We have learned so much about ourselves through this training and feel we are much more prepared for what is to come. Now, this doesn't mean that we think we have all the answers! No, it means that we have many more questions, but we also know that God is with us, walking this journey along side us and is preparing each and every day for our children, and in turn, our children for us.

Thanks so much for your prayers, encouragement and friendship! We'll keep you posted as we learn more.

2nd Training Session.....

Another early Saturday morning surrounded by 30 other people who are experiencing all the same emotions that we are! Saturday marked the 2nd of 3 mandated training sessions by the State of Texas as part of our adoption process.

When Michael & I first heard about PRIDE, we just thought it was something that had to be done, part of the process, push through it, get it over with, etc.....and while it's still true that it's part of the process, it's so much more than that. It has been eye-opening, heart-wrenching, thought-provoking and life-changing for us, as individuals, as a couple and now as future parents.

The entire session was on behavorial management. I had some friends ask if they could sit in on the session to gain some pointers ~ ha! It's really strange. Everything that we have ever thought about discipline, punishment, behavior, expectations has changed. The way that Michael & I grew up, the way that most of you have been brought up and/or chosen to raise your children is no longer really an option. We've had to really evaluate how we're going to parent and discipline our children. While most people just go with the flow, making decisions as they go, we don't have that option, when it comes to adopting children out of foster care.

The trust that a baby gains from being with their mommy and daddy from the moment of their birth is something that our children will not have. The love that a baby feels and receives is something that our children have most likely not experienced. Every important person in their life, and still important even if they were the abuser, has been taken from them. They have never been taught how to love, how to behave, how to receive love, how to gain trust, how to respect other people or things.

Whatever expectations I had for my children, as their mother, have now changed. I have to lower my expectations ~ not because the children aren't worthy of high expectations, but because they can't possibly fulfill them as they have no knowledge of what it is like to be "normal" child in a "normal" homelife, with 2 parents who love them, care for them, provide for them and keep them safe.

We talked a lot about having rules in the house and how we have to be very specific. If we had biological children of our own, it might be fairly simple to tell our child, one of our rules is that you show respect at all times...and there's a good chance that the child would understand and know what that means. However, a child who has been neglected, abused, or abandoned doesn't have a concept of respect. So it means breaking it down. The one rule of "show respect" will now have to be broken down into 10 rules, 25 rules or maybe even 50 rules...and that's just one rule.

One of our first discussions on Saturday was the difference between discipline and punishment. We had to write down how we were disciplined and/or punished as children and place the action under the category we felt it fit. For example - some people felt being spanked was punishment, while others thought of it as discipline. While I do not want to get into a huge debate about spanking here, I do want to say that in our situation, we have had to change our opinions of it. By law, the state of Texas forbids us to show any physical punishment or discipline towards a child while they are in our care. We have to sign an agreement stating that we will follow these standards and if we don't, we could lose custody of our children. Now some of you may think that this is very extreme. But please remember, these children have all suffered some sort of abuse. CPS only knows so much. They have told us to assume that physical abuse has occured with each child, so that we are prepared. Even a simple touch or gesture could be detrimental to a child, when first brought into our home.

During the discussion, each person had to share how they were disciplined as a child, how it made us feel, what were the results of it, would we do things differently, etc. I said that I had been spanked as a child, but it wasn't that often, as I always tried to be "good kid". Everyone laughed. I went on to say, that I was spanked and I turned out ok. Lidia quickly came in and said - yes, that's true Courtney but you want to know why? It's because while you were punished with spanking, your parents also gave you a balance of discipline. These children have never had balance. Have never had discipline. Only punishment.

As we were discussing topics in our small groups, we started talking about the fact that we didn't think that this would be as big of an issue for us in the group, as we were all looking to adopt children under the age of 3. Lidia overheard our conversation and asked the whole room to listen. She asked us how many of us thought it would be easier to manage younger children? We all raised our hands. She said that we were wrong and you want to know why? Because young children, especially under the age of 2 are unable to communicate. They cannot express their emotions, tell you what happened to them, express how it made them feel. They have no words. They are detached. They are isolated. They are alone. So even though the length of time of possible abuse is shorter the younger they are, doesn't mean that the results will be any different. This was a huge eye opener for us.

This post has gone on much longer than I thought and I'm sure that I've touched on so many topics, had a few rabbit trails and jumped all over the place....for that I apologize. I guess it gives you a glimpse of were our heads and hearts have been taken over the past 2 weeks.

As I said at the beginning of this post ~ this training has been eye-opening, heart-wrenching, thought-provoking and life-changing for us. It's been joyful and fearful, happy and sad, excited and scared....all at the same time. We hear the stories that Lidia shares and our hearts ache for our children, knowing that their little lives have already been so disrupted. We long to be able to bring them home, protect them, love them, nurture them and give them every opportunity in this world. We know that we can only do this with God's help and guidance along the way.

We know that the Lord is watching over our children tonight and that comforts us in ways unimaginable. It truly is amazing to love someone(s) so much and yet not even know them. Only God could put that love in our hearts. God is good....ALL the time. All the time....God is good!

1st Training Session

Michael & I attended our first of three mandatory PRIDE training sessions this past Saturday. We had no idea of what to expect but were anxious to get it started.

We arrived at DePelchin Children’s Services and were ushered into a large conference room. We signed in, grabbed our 4inch manual (or life book, as the caseworker called it) and sat down at a group table for 4 people. There were 30 of us in attendance. There were married couples, single people, those with biological children and those without, those who were on their 2nd adoption and those being re-certified for foster parenting. There were also a few people there who weren’t sure of which direction they were taking and were hoping to gain clarification through the training process. Some of us were there for adoption while others were there for foster care. PRIDE training is for both adoptive and foster care parents. In the State of Texas, if you wish to adopt from the state, you have to be licensed to be a foster care parent. Michael & I were joined by a single grandmother who wanted to open her home to foster care and by a married lady (whose husband had already taken the training) who was doing a kinship-adoption and in the process of adopting her 3 nieces who are in CPS custody in Alaska. We all had very different backgrounds and future goals, so it was great to be able to share the training together and gain different perspectives on things.

Lidia, our trainer, has been with CPS for 30 years. I can’t even begin to imagine all the things that she has seen. She was very open, honest and upfront. The training was more than informative. It was overwhelming. The bottom line is this: these children have all experienced major loss in their lives. They have all experienced some sort of trauma. These children are removed from the only lives they know, regardless of how bad their situation was. The early years of a child are the most critical in building who they are and what they believe to be true, right and good. There are many reasons a child might be placed in foster care: physical neglect, homelessness, poverty, sexual abuse, physical abuse, death of parents, or medical issues; and because of this, there are many potential risks and situations that we might encounter in bringing our children home. Just like when you get a new medication from your doctor and they tell you of all the risks and you begin to wonder why in the world would I even want to take the medication? ~ So it is in adopting children through the State. You hear of all the risks, the potentials issues the child might have, the emotional state of the child, the inability to attach themselves to another adult or trust another adult.

They gave us all the worst case scenarios ~ not to scare us, but to prepare us. So, why would we want to risk that? Why would we want to go through this? It is not the child’s fault that they are in this situation. Every child deserves to be loved, cared for, nurtured, encouraged, and protected and to feel safe in their own home. Michael & I have felt from the beginning that only God could have brought us down this road. When we talked about adoption in the past (while still trying to conceive on our own), we just naturally thought of private adoption. We never discussed adopting through the State; it just wasn’t even a thought. It was only after God spoke to both of us in different ways that it was clear that this is what God chose for us.

Our eyes are open to the possible risks or situations but our hearts are open to accepting and loving the children that God brings to us. We are confident that God is preparing our children even now for joining our family. We pray each day for our children and for the foster care parents that are currently taking care of them. We know that God is in control. We know that He is a BIG God and we know that He will not bring us through anything that we can’t handle.

We have 2 more Saturday sessions and then we’ll be through with our mandated training. At that point, we will be assigned an adoption case worker and that person will come and do our home study. Apparently the home study is very intrusive, complex, time consuming and overwhelming ~ but again, all part of the process. We have about 4 hours of homework to do each week as well. This is also stressful as the homework is turned in to your case worker, placed in your permanent file and is a major contributing factor in their decision process.

We so appreciate your prayers, support and encouragement along the way.

I am confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27:13 – 14)

Confirmation

This time the US Postal Service delivered really fast! Dennis called us tonight to let us know that he got our packet ~ we just mailed it yesterday. He wanted to let us know that everything looked great. See...there was no need for me to be worried about how we answered the questions or what someone might think! We really do worry too much about things.

Dennis confirmed that we're on the fast track and that once our training is completed at the end of this month, we will be assigned a case worker and things should move very quickly then.

Michael & I just looked at each other and said - we could be parents by the end of the summer! What?! Remember when I said in an earlier post that things seem to go by really slowly and then at times very quickly...this would be one of those "quick" times.

It's very hard to plan. When you're pregnant, you have a good estimation of when you will bring your child home. In our case, we don't know whether it will be one child or two; what age they will be; if they'll be boys or girls, or one of each; and we have no idea of when we would get the call to let us know we've been chosen. How do you prepare? There really is no way. Do we buy a crib, a toddler bed or one of each? Do we have them share a room or do we make a room for each? So many many questions. This is definitely going to be one of those times of truly trusting in the Lord to give us direction and peace in the midst of chaos and the unknown. We know that it will all work out in His timing and in His way, but the OCD/organizational/planner in me, freaks out!

We're excited, nervous, anxious, happy and praising God for all His blessings along this journey!

Another packet off....

Over the weekend, Michael & I completed yet another stack of paperwork and got it sent off to Dennis yesterday. This packet included individual questionnaires on our parental skills and about our marriage. We had to complete one on ourselves as well as for our spouse/co-parent. It was somewhat difficult to answer some of the questions. You worry that you will say the wrong thing or wonder how they will react to your response, so you try to word everything just right while still remaining honest and true to yourselves. Again, it's one of those things that most people don't really think about...it's just what happens or how you respond, etc. When you have to put all your answers to every kind of situation down on paper and how you will respond, discipline, react, etc ~ that's when it gets a little difficult.

After Michael & I completed our forms, we got together to discuss them. Amazingly enough, we gave the same answers. That's a good thing, right?! That means we're on the same page (so to speak) and that we know each other so well. We both struggled with writing down our own strengths and weaknesses of ourselves as a spouse and as a parent, as well as having to say the same thing about each other. Funny thing though - we did write down the same weaknesses and strengths on each other. Honestly, I wrote down that my weakness as a parent would most likely be that I'll be too lenient and then that Michael won't be lenient enough. I thought that it might come across the wrong way but Michael thought that it showed balance. I tried so many ways to reword it to make it sound just right, then we stopped, prayed about it and just left it the way that we had initially responded. We're not perfect. They're not looking for perfect people. We answered the questions honestly. We're confident that they'll understand our hearts and appreciate our honesty.

We start our 1st of 3 all day Saturday trainings this weekend. We will be in training from 8:00am - 6:00pm....whew...that's a long day! We're both really curious to see what all we're going to discuss, learn and experience through this training. I'm sure I'll have plenty to report after Saturday. We're just excited to get this going and to be able to complete all of our training by the end of May.

Often times it seems like things are moving extremely slow but then there are times where it is just flying by! All in God's timing though....

Faith....

Faith is not conjuring up, through an act of your will, a sense of certainty that something is going to happen. It is recognizing God’s promise as an actual fact, believing that it is true, rejoicing in the knowledge of that truth, and then simply resting because God said it.

Faith turns a promise into prophesy. A promise is contingent upon our cooperation, but when we exercise genuine faith in it, it becomes a prophesy. Then we can move ahead with certainty that it will come to pass, because “God….does not lie.”

God, who does not lie, promised. (Titus 1:2)

I often find myself praying for more faith and then I realize that it is not more faith that I am wanting at all. What I am wanting is my faith to be changed to sight.

Faith does not say “I see this is good for me; therefore God must have sent it.” Instead, faith declares, “God sent it; therefore it must be good for me.”

The Shepherd does not ask of thee
Faith in your faith, but only faith in Him;
And this He meant in saying, “Come to me.”
In light or darkness seek to do His will,
And leave the work of faith to Jesus still. (author unknown)

Holding His hand more tightly,
Court