Spoke too soon...

Just the other day, I was telling Maggie's play therapist how great she was doing. So much so, that we actually discussed whether or not to continue therapy.  There had been no recent outbursts. No meltdowns. No tantrums. No screaming. No uncontrollable crying.  Ahem.  Until today.

Once again it happened at Target. What is it with that place?!  Well, one of the issues is really more my fault.  We have a tendency to get an Icee when we go to Target. It's cheap ($1) and it keeps Maggie's hands full and her mind occupied while I shop. However, we went in today for just a quick stop to return a few items.  Oh I knew what was going to happen, but I was prepared.  I got her in the cart outside and went straight to customer service (in the opposite direction of the cafe) in hopes of that deterring her from the obvious re-direction. With that in mind, I had already pulled out my iPhone and had it on the Super Why app, knowing that would catch her attention really quick.   Yay! It worked!  She did ask for the Icee but I said, hey, it's Super Why...and away she went with playing the game.

Until she gets to the part that she can't do, because she's not able to read yet.  She asked me to help her, which I obliged. Unfortunately, that was a major mistake. Apparently, even though she asked for my help, and asked me to push the right button, she didn't mean that she actually wanted me to push the button. Oh. Right. Should've known that.  Of course, had I not pushed the button, another sort of rant would have most likely happened.  The guy at the counter was already in a bad mood. He was the only one working and there were 9 people in line for returns.  (I had 3 items to return. All on separate transactions. Sorry!)

So, Maggie throws my iPhone onto the ground. Yes. You read that right.  Oh how I wish I could put into words what I was feeling at that moment, but I really don't think I can (well, let's just say, it wouldn't be prudent to disclose that information on this blog).  Thankfully she did not break it.  Then she began to scream (and I mean SCREAM) all sorts of things like "You don't touch my game" "I don't need help!" "I can do it!" "Give me an Icee" "Let me out of here" "Don't look at me" ~ I could go on, but I think you get the idea.

I'm fairly certain that had someone just seen me walking out of Target with Maggie, the thought might have crossed their minds that this was a kidnapping, versus a meltdown.  Anyhoo....

Once the transactions were completed, I lifted her out of the cart where she proceeded to play "stiff as a board and kick my legs as fast as I can", kicking her shoes off in the process.  This then led to more screaming because she lost her shoes.  I quickly pick up the shoes, throw them in my purse (I was tempted to just leave them there, but they were new :) ) and walk back to the car. Yes, she's still in the stiff as a board form.  I unlock the door and wrestle with her to get in the car seat.  This girl is strong and determined. I seriously broke a sweat getting her in the car seat. She's a magician at moving her arms out faster than I can move.  She continues to scream so much that she's beginning to cough and gag. I just knew that vomit was about to be seen - thankfully it did not make an appearance.  Oh and the snot....so lovely....everywhere.

I shut the door and I just stand there.  I don't dare get in...yet.  I need a moment (more like quite a few) and I try and remain calm. Let me tell you that I might appear calm on the outside for the appearance of the 100+ people witnessing this event, but I am far from it on the inside.  I get in the car, start it and Maggie's screaming "I don't want to go home" "let me out of here", etc....

I turn up the music. She screams louder. I turn the music up louder. The more she screams. The more I push the "UP" button on the sound.  Good to know.  She didn't like it one bit.

She eventually stopped all of this....as soon as I pulled up to the house. Sure, that's when I'd do it too.
It's been a rough evening. She's super sensitive, super agitated and on edge today.

We've had this discussion many times about picking our battles.  There is a part of me that just wants to give her the Icee (or whatever item it might be at the time) just to avoid the meltdown like today.  And most of the time, I give in. However, she is the child and I am the parent. I have to set guidelines & boundaries. She can't get what she wants everytime she wants it. It just doesn't work that way. I even discussed this scenario with the play therapist, and reassured me that I was doing the right thing in saying "no" to the Icee everytime. (It was just nice to get some validation from an unbiased person). It's hard. It's not easy. 

The triggers can be anything ~ an Icee, a pushed button on an iPhone, a toy being moved, milk given instead of juice, or juice given instead of milk, the wrong cup for the juice, the wrong DVD put in, the wrong book picked, a look, a sound, a noise.  And the triggers can happen at any time.

I don't know that I handled it well, but I do know that even when she's going through this, it may be hard to handle, but she's definitely not hard to love.