Dear Pediatrician - my true thoughts

Dear Pediatrician,

I did what every parent would do when their child wakes up sick. I called your office and made an appointment. We didn't have to wait too long before being put into a room and your nurse was so very nice. You could tell that she really loves kids, as she was more than sweet to my daughter.

We waited in the room for about 15 minutes, which of course, feels like an eternity with a high energy sick 2 1/2 year old. You entered the room and completely ignored me. You didn't acknowledge me at all. You just picked up the chart, starting writing something, sat in your chair and proceeded to listen to my daughter's chest with your stethoscope. Those stethoscopes sure are fun to little kiddos, as you witnessed when my daughter constantly reached for it and touched it. Did you not know that? Is this something new to you? I wondered if that was the case, since you were very abrupt and almost mean to my daughter for wanting to touch it. Moving on. You go to check her ears and nose with the light scope. Fine. She's had that done many times before. Never bothered her before yesterday. I'm pretty sure it's because you didn't let her know what you were doing before hand or show her the light, like all other doctors and nurses have done in the past. Something to consider. After all of that, now you ask rather harshly for her to open her mouth and say "aaaaaahhhhh". She didn't want to. (wonder why?) So you stand up, march over to the wall and grab a tongue depressor and say, open up and say "aaahhh" or I'll have to do it the hard way (while waving the tongue depressor in front of her face). Sure, she opened up and I do believe that when she stuck her tongue out at you, it was not because she was trying to be agreeable :)

You continued to write more in her chart. My daughter is walking around the room making noises, talking, etc. You ask me, "how old is she?" I said: "2 1/2" I'm thinking....all you have to do is look at her chart. I could also tell that something else was about to happen. You proceeded to ask me the following questions: "Why isn't she talking more?" "Have you had her evaluated for her delays?" "Doesn't she know how to stay quiet in a public place?" "Do you read to her? If you do, then you're not reading enough." Before I could pick up my jaw and respond, my daughter reaches for her bottle that is my purse. Oh great...here we go. You went on to say, "She is 2 1/2 years old and she is still on a bottle? She is way too old to be on a bottle". I'm still in shock and trying to compose myself and not scream at you...when you tell me that my daughter is behind on her shots. You asked me why I've allowed that to happen and why don't I care enough to have her vaccinated? With my blood now boiling, I explained to you that the last visit we had, the PA told me that my daughter was finally up to date on shots. And we rejoiced. Now you're telling me that she still has 3 shots left? I was told that these were optional. You interrupted me and said, I don't know why you think that, I am the doctor. She has 3 shots left. (side note to those reading this, while your child is in foster care, if the doctor recommends/dictates something, you don't have the authority to refuse). Fine. Give her the shots. She already feels crappy anyway - why don't we just add more to the day.

Ok...that's it...listen here lady. I understand that you are the doctor. That's why I am here. If I could write the prescription myself or go to another doctor, I would. However, I am not a doctor. I am a momma. I am here to protect my child. So, I come to you for help. I am fully aware of the fact that my daughter does not have the vocabulary that some other 2 1/2 year olds do. I also know that she is very active and makes a lot of noise. And yes, I do read to her everyday and she loves it. I believe that I am doing everything in my power to expand her vocabulary and enhance her skills. I also understand that most 2 1/2 year olds aren't on the bottle anymore. She wouldn't normally have the bottle with her in the middle of the day, but if you recall, she is sick. She didn't want to drink anything unless it was in the bottle. I figured that getting liquids in was more important than the container they were in. So I gave her the bottle...and you know what, I hesitated to even bring it in your office today because I knew that you would make a comment about it. But, I was looking out for my daughter's best interest...and at that particular moment, drinking from the bottle was more vital than the anger in hearing what you were going to say.

I am fully aware of all these things, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I worry about these things more deeply than you can even imagine. I don't like to bring up my child's history in front of everyone, especially her, because she doesn't need to feel different and I fear that she will start to understand some of the negativity that comes from these conversations. Next time, think before you speak. And whatever negative thoughts you have, keep them to yourself. You can't possibly have anything to say that we haven't already said to ourselves.If I could hide my daughter's history of abuse and neglect in the first 17 months of her little life, I would do it in a heartbeat. But that's not reality. Reality is this: my daughter lived in 40 different places before she turned 17 months. For most of that time, she was left alone to lay in a crib with a bottle for 18+ hours a day. Never to be held. Never to be changed or fed. Never to be hugged or loved on. So you see, for the last year, my husband and I have done everything that we can to ensure that our daughter is loved and cared for. And if that means that she still takes a bottle, isn't potty trained, delayed in her vocabulary, high spirited in nature, too loud for most people's liking at the age of 2 1/2 but feels loved, secure and safe with her momma and daddy, then I think we've done our job.

After all, I'm just a momma lovin' on her sweet girl....