God is good!

We have some fantastic news!

Maggie's birth mother has contacted CPS and wishes to relinquish her parental rights! We are in shock. We seriously thought that we'd be battling this in court on March 16th. She has been discussing this with CPS for about 3 weeks now. We are unsure as to why she has finally decided this, but at this point, we're just thankful.

Now, we are still waiting. Apparently CPS and the birth mom have been waiting on papers from the attorneys, but of course, they haven't been able to get in touch with them. The good news is that mediation is still scheduled for next Wednesday at 1:30pm. So, if papers aren't signed by then, they will be signed next week. We still need to go to court on March 16th as a formality to enter all of the documents into the system. Once that has been done, our current CPS caseworker will pass along our file to the adoption caseworker, who "just happens" to be our initial caseworker. This is great news because she is fully aware of the case and our sitaution and wants to push this through as quickly as possible. And by quickly as possible, we are still looking at a fall adoption court date (that's just how long it's taking to get on the judges' calendar these days!)

There is some negotiation that has to take place, as Maggie's birth mom has requested for future contact. We're not comfortable with what she has requested, so would you just pray that we'll be able to come to agreement on things and that she won't allow this to be an issue when signing the relinquishment papers?

The end of this part of our journey sure seems to be coming to an end and we couldn't be more thrilled. We appreciate all of your love and support through everything. Keep praying and stay posted!

Blogging Block

I really really really want to blog....
but Momma is really really really tired.

Oh how I miss my blogging....but oh how I love being a Momma.

I WILL blog soon...I will...I will...I will....

....stay tuned :)

Shepherd

I received this email devotional this morning. It really encouraged me and thought it might encourage some of you, too!

The Lord is my shepherd.

Psalm 23:1a

It’s the way David saw God.

What was David’s greatness? It’s the way David saw God and, as a result, trusted God.

David saw God as shepherd. He saw God as my shepherd, as the God who shepherds him.

What is David saying in this phrase, pregnant with meaning?

My God cares about me.

My God takes care of me.

My God is attentive to me.

My God provides for me.

My God guides me.

My God is gentle with me.

My God protects me from enemies who want to devour me.

My God feeds me.

My God has a warm affection for me.

My God feels bound to me.

My God sacrifices for me.

My God takes delight in me.

My God disciplines me for my good.

My God heals my wounds.

My God protects me from myself.

My God stays near me.

My God never leaves me.

My God will never leave me.

My God is the good shepherd.

The Lord is my shepherd.

Do you see God this way? It was David’s greatness. It can be your greatness if you choose. The way you see God, and therefore, trust God.

The rest of the day, meditate on David’s proclamation of faith. Chew on it. Pray on it. Learn it. Live it.

The Mother In Me

This was posted on another blog today. It truly expresses what I believe all of us Mommas would say. (I've changed a few thoughts to reflect adoption rather than natural birth)

the mother in me

I've known I wanted to be a mother since the day I was born.

Well, probably not since the actual day I was born. That's a little extreme. But from the time I first knew what a mother was. Or maybe since when I realized that I possessed the genetic makeup to, indeed, be able to become a mother some day.

Regardless, it's been a long time. But it feels like it's been always that I've known that motherhood was for me.

As a young girl, I loved children. And drawing. And baby names. And drawing pictures of children and giving them unique names. I spent countless hours as a child, sitting up in my bed under my pink canopy, using my Trapper Keeper as a hard surface, drawing pictures of all my future children. Oh, and giving them each long, fanciful names, of course.

I was going to have twelve children, I was sure. Naturally, this was before I had any inkling the fertility treatments, 2 year paperwork journey, forgot that I'd need to find a husband who was up for such a feat, and didn't realize a family of that size would require at least two cargo vans for our transportation.

And, although part of me would honestly, truly love to have twelve children, there are other parts of me that I don't think could handle it.

I have basically always wanted children. Wanted to be a mother. I thought mothering would be so wonderful, so magical, and so lovely. Naming, dressing and playing with Many Small Children all day long? What could be better!?

And, even though, back then, I was a bit hazy on some of the finer details associated with parenting (you know, like dying llama hissy fits, sippy cups full of mold behind the couch and time outs), I still think I hit the nail on the head.

There is very little that is better than mothering.

But not exactly for the reasons I first thought. Sure, there are wonderful moments in mothering, magical memories created with our offspring, lovely late-night snuggles with heavy-lidded babies. But parenting is also hard work. And it's not glamorous. We don't often get the support we need, we struggle with mother's guilt and sometimes feel we need to keep up with the Jones'. Our children sass back and our best-laid plans are trampled on. We must often face our own shortcomings, because they are revealed to us so readily as we make attempts, but fail, at being perfect parents.

But there is good that can be brought forth from the hurt that parenting sometimes brings. Moments of revelation to be found even amidst the clamor of Many Small Children. Beauty to be derived out of the ashes of mother failure. Joy that can only be discovered in helping God raise another human being. There is meaning in the mundane, a purpose beyond potty-training, and a peace that can only be gained when one has learned to calmly deal with a tantruming toddler at Target.

Having children is worth it. And, although I was inspired to start my family for one reason, Prince Charming and I have continued for another.

I love making our family.

But I don't love it for the dirty diapers, the sleepless nights, the aching back or the endless whining. I don't love it for the dings in our walls, the screeching down the halls or the visits from CPS.

I love it in spite of all that. And I love mothering for how wading through all the difficulties that mothering brings transforms me for the better.

Mothering is one of the toughest, most beautiful things I have ever done.

And it's totally worth it.

Mediation

Mediation has been scheduled for Maggie's case on Wednesday, March 4th @ 1:30pm. I found out today that less than 2% of cases go to mediation. I thought...well, is this good or bad? Patti (our CASA advocate) said that it was good because it meant that everyone on board is trying to push for the birth mom to sign her rights away on that day, and avoid going to court. I don't want to get my hopes up that she will 1) show up or 2) actually sign over her rights. I just don't see that happening, since she still believes that she should get her child back. (she's the only one who feels that way).

Then I get an email from Maggie's CPS caseworker stating that it should be a "very interesting mediation". Ugh...what does THAT mean? Has something happened? Is there something I should know, be worried about, be concerned....I could go on and on. I was just talking to my friend Erica the other night about how CPS and other agency workers don't realize the impact of their words. They are so numb to the situations, they don't know that "very interesting" or "as soon as possible" sends our minds reeling full speed ahead.

So, I called Patti and she put my mind at ease saying that there just was a lot of information to be processed and discussed at the mediation and they have no idea of how the BM will react/respond. They are all hopeful that she will voluntarily sign her rights away and that is the goal of the mediation. It could still go to the judge, if 1) she doesn't show up, 2) she refuses to sign or 3) new information is discovered. Basically, because the case is soooo strong against the BM and everyone is for un-related adoption, they try to settle the case to avoid wasting the judge and court's time.

All this to say, that there is plenty going on and lots we could worry ourselves over...but we remain confident in the Lord's provision and protection over us, and especially Maggie. Would you just pray for us, that we will remain calm over the next few weeks and not allow any lies, fears, thoughts or worries to overwhelm us? Pray that we will remain on our knees before the Lord, offering up ourselves and Maggie to His will and trust in Him at all times.

We love Maggie Joy. We know that God has blessed us with the most amazing daughter. So during these days, we will focus on her. Protect her. Provide for her. Keep her safe. Help her laugh. Play outside. Share cookies. Snuggle before bed time. Teach her. Pray for her. Love her.

Unfinished Projects

Before I became a mother, I rarely left a project unfinished.

The dirty laundry began and ended its journey to cleanliness within a span of only two hours each week.

Dirty dishes? There was no such thing.

Craft projects? Before Maggie, I could routinely start and finish a sizable project within a few weeks.

Those areas of my life are now dramatically different. An entire day can be devoted to laundry. Even then, the job is never finished. The dirty dish side of the sink is continually reproducing more and more dirty dishes. My last completed craft project was a bracelet, which was composed of red and green yarn and jingle bells.

However, there is still one very important unfinished project at my house that I work on every day. Maggie Joy. This endeavor will never be finished.

Some days are extremely frustrating, as if someone had unraveled what I did while I was wasn't looking. Parts of these projects I thought had been completed suddenly need more effort. Lessons I have learned as a mother sometimes need to be revisted and relearned.

However, one day this little "project" I call my child won't need the same kind of physically draining attention. The lessons that we are patiently and persistently teaching her will grip her heart and not be undone.

Lord, thank you for the blessing of my sweet child! And please give me the wisdom, patience and love to be the best momma to her.

Family Birthday Party

We celebrated Maggie's birthday today with the Crews crew. Just thought I'd share in the decorations, cake and beautiful gift from Nana. I'll be sure to share more details later...but Momma is tired!