Our house ~ Christmas 2007

The BELIEVE mantle piece is one of craft projects I wrote about in an earlier post ~ thanks to my mom & Sally for all their help with it. I just love the word BELIEVE ~ it has so many different meanings, especially for us right now. As you can see, we have 4 stockings hung....BELIEVING in the miracle of what God is going to do in bringing our 2 little ones to us soon!

Our Christmas tree loaded down with ornaments ~ I still think we could put more on it, but Michael said it was perfect just the way it is :)

Our Department 56 Village. It's hard to see but each little house/shop has it's own light. When a light goes out, Michael & I come up with some story as to why the folk may have left the village, etc....silly, I know.

A full view of the tree and fireplace.

Our second Christmas tree in the kitchen...we can't have just 1 tree!

Christmas 2007

I can't even begin to tell you how fun it has been to decorate our house for Christmas this year. Those of you who know me well, know that Christmas is my favorite time of year and that I go ALL OUT with Christmas decorating. I spent all last weekend working on my crafts for the year with my mom and my friend, Sally. We didn't finish until 3am ~ now, that's dedication!

Now, that we're in a new house this Christmas, we have much more room and many more places to decorate. I'm a firm believer that any flat space should have something on it :) So, our 7 ft tree is all trimmed with white lights and ornaments from past and present, some gifts under the tree already, mantle decorated with a great message of BELIEVE with the stockings hung, our Department 56 village is shining bright - offering us stories of what is going on in each little home or storefront and plenty of other lights and candles everywhere. It has been so fun to get into the spirit of Christmas and pull out all the Christmas music :)

While all of the decorations, lights, trees, and music are fun, it is just a small part of what Christmas is. This is season that we choose to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. What an incredible gift God gave us the day His Son was born and given to us. Let us enjoy the fun traditions of decorating and such, but let us not forget the reason for the season.

I'll post some pictures soon of the house. Stay tuned.

Love to you all!

Amazed

You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound

Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
How You love me

You paint the morning sky
With miracles in mind
My hope will always stand
For You hold me in Your hand

Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
How You love me

How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me

Amazed by Phillips, Craig & Dean

The Miracle

I'm sorry for the delay in posting. I know many of you have been looking for an update on our homevisit with our caseworker last Wednesday. It has been an emotional few days and I just haven't had the energy or time to blog anything....until today. Michael & I met with Robyn last Wednesday for about 3 hours. In the middle of our meeting, she felt led to pray for us. What was really neat about it was that she said that in all her years of home visits and casework, she had never felt led by the Holy Spirit to pray with a couple! God is working, even when we don't know it! That's all it took! We're done with the home inspection and home visit. Robyn felt that she had enough information from our two meetings, phone conversations and all of our paperwork to write an effective Home Study.

She told us the process from this point: Robyn will write up our Home Study and send to the Area Director for approval. Once the Area Director approves the home study, she will forward to the State-agency director for final approval and licensing. Then once we are licensed, we will be put into the system and wait to be matched. We thought that the final decision would be Robyn's and then we find out that 2 other people have to approve us before we get licensed by the State of Texas. Robyn said that the process would take about 4 - 6 weeks, especially with the holidays. Michael & I were good with that.

Without going into too much detail, we found out Thursday morning that there was a possibility that our Area Director might not approve our Homestudy. We were shocked. We were angry. We were disappointed. We were hurt. We were speechless. We were grieving. We just didn't know what to think, say or do. What do you mean "not approve"? We have been working with them for almost 10 months and not once along the line did they give us any indication that we might be denied. Michael & I were just beside ourselves and not knowing what to do. We shared the news with 2 close friends and my parents and just asked them to pray. That's all we knew to do.

Michael & I have known for so long that this is what God was calling us to do and when you're doing what the Lord desires for you to do, the enemy will attack...and attack he did!

In the midst of all the possible changes, we knew one thing for sure - God doesn't change! He knew the desire of our hearts and He was in control! He has a plan, has always had a plan, and He is working, though we don't see it and it sure looks like the enemy has a leg up at this point. As my mom so eliquently put it: "God is greater than the adoption system, He is greater than "this is the way that it's always been done" mentality, He is greater than people's prejudices, and He delights in doing the impossible! Because THEN He gets all the glory!" If things just went along routinely, then it's just man's job of getting it done right ~ and man, that sure would be nice and easy ~ BUT now, we get to see His power at work.

All the while, Satan wants to keep us in the anger/grief mode and keep us defeated. But when we can wrap our minds around the big picture and say, "Yes, this is the current situation and it stinks. But God isn't bound by this, and He has something unique, p0werful and amazing that we don't know about that this will make people say....WOW! How did THAT happen?! It HAD to be God!

HE DELIGHTS IN NOTHING MORE THAN OUR CHOICE TO BELIEVE HIM OVER WHAT WE SEE AND FEEL!

BELIEVE EVEN WHEN YOU DO NOT FEEL. KNOW EVEN WHEN YOU DO NOT SEE. HE GAVE THE LIFE OF HIS SON TO DEMONSTRATE HIS LOVE. BELIEVE!

Lord God, Your Word says that You love the just and will not forsake Your faithful ones. They will be protected forever. My justication is found in Your Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ. He is faithful even when I am not. Thank You, Father, that I can be absolutely sure You will never leave me or forsake me! Thank you that a lack of faith will never nullify Your faithfulness. If I am faithless, You will remain faithful, for You cannot disown Yourself. Lord, help me to know that I belong to the truth, and set my heart at rest in Your presence.

COMPLETELY SURRENDER YOUR HURT TO HIM, WITHHOLDING NOTHING, AND INVITE HIM TO WORK MIRACLES FROM YOUR MISERY.

"Lord God, I am hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed!" 2 Corinthians 4:8

PERHAPS THE MOST PROFOUND MIRACLE OF ALL IS LIVING THROUGH SOMETHING WE THOUGHT WOULD KILL US.

"I pray that out of Your glorious riches You will strengthen me with your power through Your Spirit in my inner being, so that Christ may dwell in my heart through faith. And I pray that I, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -that I may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3: 16 - 19

We found out around noon on Thursday that the licensing committee from Austin was actually in the Houston office for some meetings. Robyn told us that they wanted an update on our case and homestudy and that she would update us as soon as she knew anything. Of course, Michael & I were on pins and needles al day. Hour by hour passed with no news. Michael & I went home Thursday night defeated and worn out and of course, every possible scenario running through our minds about why we didn't hear from Robyn. All we could do was pray, lay it at the feet of Jesus. He knew our hearts and how they were breaking. We were broken and even though things were not looking positive, we stood firm in the knowledge that this is what God called us to do.

After a sleepless night, Michael & I went to work and tried to press through our day. I can't tell you how many times we checked our personal email, work email, voicemails, etc...just hoping that something would pop up. Around noon on Friday, Michael decided to give Robyn a call. About 30 minutes later, Michael called me and here's a little bit of how the conversation went:

M: Did you get any emails from Robyn yet?
C: No, don't you think that if I had, I would've called you?! (a little frustrated, as I'm sure you can imagine)
M: Well, I just got off the phone with Robyn.
C: OK
M: Do you want the news? (his voice cracking)
C: NO! Don't want to hear it
M: (in a faint whisper I hear) We got licensed
C: WHAT?!?!?!
M: (a lot louder this time) WE GOT LICENSED!
C: What do you mean we got licensed?

This is when Michael proceeded to share with me his conversation with Robyn. Robyn met with the licensing committee on Thursday afternoon to give them an update on our case/file/homestudy/visits, etc. Robyn has been our cheerleader/advocate since the "get-go". She went in, told them about us, and how everything was going, the struggles we've had through the process and she recommended us 100% for adoption licensing. Robyn told us (as she told the committee) that she had never met a more precious couple. She said that our file couldn't be any better, our home any more perfect and that she knew beyond all doubt that we were called to be adoptive parents. Without hesitation, she recommended us for licensing. Now, please bear in mind, that this was just supposed to be a short 5 minute update on one of her cases. It was not to be a time to discuss anything at length or to have anything decided on. However, God had other plans.

After hearing Robyn's assessment of our case, reading our recommendations (thank you to those who blew us away with your love and overwhelming support) and knowing our story, Robyn got up to leave the room. The licensing committee stopped her and said, please tell Michael & Courtney that they are officially licensed as of today. Robyn was shocked! Even though the home visits were completed, she hadn't finished the HomeStudy yet. In all her years of being in this line of work, she has never seen the licensing committee make a decision such as this. She just couldn't believe it. She came back to her office and instead of calling us, she sent us an email with the good news.

Well, my friends....here is where you say WOW! How did THAT happen?

It HAD to be God!

Now, if you remember at the beginning of my post (sorry...this has gone on so long!) I said we got the good news on Friday afternoon. That would be because we never got the email. There was some sort of networking problem at Robyn's office and that email was stuck in her outbox until Friday night.

Hmmmm...isn't that interesting?! You know what ~ as much pain and anguish and all the other emotions that ran through me and Michael Thursday and Friday ~ there was a reason why we didn't get that email on Thursday night. We were supposed to feel those things, work through them and to be able to lay them at the feet of Jesus. And so, on Friday afternoon we were able to experience the impossible and see first hand, His Power at work!

Do you believe that I am able to do this? Matthew 9:28

So, what does this mean for us now? We are officially licensed by the State of Texas and can start receiving bulletins/matches of children that meet our criteria. We have no idea of how quickly or how slowly this will take, but we know that God is in control, that His timing is perfect, that He is watching over our children even now, preparing them for us and us for them and when we do bring them home, the Lord will be glorified through it all!

Thank you all so much for your prayers, love, support and encouragement along our journey. It hasn't been easy but we do see the end in sight. Please continue to pray for us and for the little ones we will call our children soon!

May you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving......we are so thankful for each of you! We love you all!

Rescheduled

We had to reschedule our meeting last night due to the flu. We are meeting with Robyn on Wednesday at 5:30pm. Stay tuned for further updates!

Thanks for your prayers!

First meeting with caseworker

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you to all of you have been praying for us.

We met our caseworker, Robyn, last night and we felt instantly comfortable with her. Robyn is relatively new to the Houston area and to our agency, which she hoped would not discourage us. If anything, I think it encouraged us even more, because she's really "gung-ho" / has the "new position" fever! She loved our home and was impressed with how prepared we were . She saw both of our children's rooms prepared and she said "Wow, you guys are ready!" I wanted to say, "well, we've had plenty of time to get prepared" but we just politely said - "yes, we are!" She asked if our home was always this clean, and Michael jumped in and said yes! She just smiled and laughed and said, "well not for long!"

Last night's conversation lasted almost 3 hours, but the time flew by. We didn't feel interrogated at all. She asked us about our family backgrounds, how we met, our work, and then moved into why we chose adoption, what our criteria was, etc.

We did find out that the homestudy is more than just last night's visit. Apparently the state requires the caseworker to clock 12 hours with us before we are licensed. After Robyn heard of all the struggles we've had with getting to this point and the extremely long waits we've endured, she said that she's determined to get this done as quickly as possible (AND we believe her!) So, we are meeting again on Monday evening at 5:30. Some of the 12 hours can also be met over the phone or through email correspondence, so hopefully it won't take too long. The purpose of the 12 hours is really for our benefit, so that Robyn can really get to know us and what are desires are so that she can make the perfect match of our children.

One of the frustrating moments of the evening was when Robyn asked if we had completed the Home Study Questionnaire. I thought I was going to fall out of my chair! Are you kidding?! The 24 page document that both Michael & I had to complete? Yes, that was completed about 6 weeks ago and forwarded to our agency's director. Apparently they didn't forward to her and she doesn't have a copy of it. She asked for a copy of it but of course, it would be the one document that I don't have a paper copy of! This was one form that we were able to fill out electronically and so I didn't print out a copy. It wasn't a big deal ~ she just asked that I email it to her this morning (which was the first thing I did this morning). In the end, Michael & I just had to laugh....it's always something :)

My sweet friend, Jenny, encouraged me this morning with this:

"In His time, In His time...He makes all things beautiful in His time. Lord, please show me every day, as You're teaching me Your ways, that You do just what You say, in Your time."

Thanks, Jenny :)

Thanks again for all your emails, phone calls and prayers lifted up. We love you guys and will keep you posted as we move forward!

Thoughts tonight....

As we prepare for tomorrow's visit (Wednesday 6pm)with the caseworker, many thoughts running through my mind.

There are the checklist thoughts: Did we move this, rearrange that, lock up this, throw out that, do this, do that......

There are the "OCD" thoughts: Are the couch pillows fluffed up enough? Are the baseboards clean enough? Is the lint off of the bed skirt in our room? Are the pictures covering our refrigerator straight enough? Are the chairs lined up right in the dining room? Are the towels straight on the racks? Are the canned goods organized alphabetically? (just kidding on that last one!)

There are the emotional thoughts: Will Robyn like us? Will she see us for who we truly are? Will our hearts be heard? Will we pass the test?

Then there are thoughts of unbelief....it's been 10 months of classes, forms and documentations, essays and training, and the 4 month wait for a caseworker to be assigned.....and tomorrow we will finally meet her!

Michael & I know that Robyn was chosen just for us and that the Lord's timing is perfect. We also know that even though Robyn is the final decision maker for the agency, we know that the Lord has the ultimate final decision in all areas of our lives.

My parents came over tonight to visit and surprised us with roses for our anniversary (4 years on Thursday!) Very sweet! We enjoyed the conversation and shared in the final results of Dancing with the Stars (ha!) But the best gift of all, were the prayers lifted up for us before they left. Michael & I are so thankful to have such wonderful, loving, God-fearing parents. Blessed indeed!

Throughout our marriage we have looked forward to having children. Infertility has only strengthened our desire to be parents, and we know in our hearts that adoption is the path God has for us. And because of this, we can rest comfortably tonight, knowing that the Lord has gone before us and will be with us tomorrow.

For those that follow my "brag" blog (www.cc-world.blogspot.com)...this will be a repeat. But for those who don't, just thought I'd post some fun pictures of me and the girls from recent weeks. We have so much fun together. They have brought much joy and blessing to my life!

God's Mission: Adoption

My dad sent this to me last week and I've been meaning to post it. Max Lucado is an incredible writer and his words really spoke to me....maybe it will do the same for you.

God's Mission: Adoption by Max Lucado

When we come to Christ, God not only forgives us, he also adopts us. Through a dramatic series of events, we go from condemned orphans with no hope to adopted children with no fear. Here is how it happens. You come before the judgment seat of God full of rebellion and mistakes. Because of his justice he cannot dismiss your sin, but because of his love he cannot dismiss you. So, in an act which stunned the heavens, he punished himself on the cross for your sins. God’s justice and love are equally honored. And you, God’s creation, are forgiven. But the story doesn’t end with God’s forgiveness.

For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our Spirit that we are children of God (Rom. 8:15–16 NASB).

But when the fullness of time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law, in order that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons (Gal. 4:4–5 NASB).

It would be enough if God just cleansed your name, but he does more. He gives you his name. It would be enough if God just set you free, but he does more. He takes you home. He takes you home to the Great House of God.

Adoptive parents understand this more than anyone. I certainly don’t mean to offend any biological parents—I’m one myself. We biological parents know well the earnest longing to have a child. But in many cases our cribs were filled easily. We decided to have a child and a child came. In fact, sometimes the child came with no decision. I’ve heard of unplanned pregnancies, but I’ve never heard of an unplanned adoption.

That’s why adoptive parents understand God’s passion to adopt us. They know what it means to feel an empty space inside. They know what it means to hunt, to set out on a mission, and take responsibility for a child with a spotted past and a dubious future. If anybody understands God’s ardor for his children, it’s someone who has rescued an orphan from despair, for that is what God has done for us.

God has adopted you. God sought you, found you, signed the papers and took you home.

Homestudy Scheduled!

Our caseworker, Robin, called me this morning @ 8:50am to introduce herself and talk to me for a few minutes. She was very sweet and was very excited about working with us. Thank you Lord! She received our file yesterday and has just begun to go through it...I can ONLY imagine how long it will take, since I know how many forms, documents, letters and such that she will have to review.

At the end of our conversation, she said that she was more than willing to work with our schedule in regards to the homestudy (weekends, evenings) since we work ~ which I thought was great! So, our homestudy is officially scheduled for next Wednesday the 7th at 6pm. Please keep us in your prayers as we prepare our hearts and minds for the meeting next week.

Yikes! This is finally REALLY happening :)

On a side note, Michael & I are truly at peace with the assignment of Robin as our caseworker. We prayed for very specific things and already in 2 different conversations we had with Robin today, those specifics have been answered and revealed to us. All in God's timing! Robin told us that she's been praying over our file today and for our children to come. It's so awesome to finally feel like we have an advocate on our side!

Thanks to everyone for their continued thoughts, encouragement and prayers along our journey. We'll be sure to keep you posted.