Changes....changes...

Ok, so 2 weeks ago we were notified that our CPS adoption caseworker was leaving CPS to return to law school. Ok...good for her. No big deal.

Now, we just found out that our agency caseworker (our original CW) has left the agency and we're being assigned a new caseworker this week. We'll meet her on Thursday. She's new to the agency and came from CPS. This could be interesting.

Oh the changes.....ugh.

First negative response

Today was "Meet the Teacher Day" @ Maggie's MDO. We have been talking up "school", "friends", "backpack" - you name it, we've been talking about it.

Maggie was the 1st one in her class today. She met Miss Toscha and Miss Vicki but was WAY more interested in the playdoh, colors, paints, kitchen, dolls, cars, balls (um...you get the picture!) For a girl who is overly active and into everything, she sure had alot to get into! Her teachers seemed very nice and excited about the new school year.

A few other kids came in and Maggie ignored them, until of course, they started touching something she might be interested in later on. Ha! Being the only child means that you haven't really had to learn to share. Oh, I don't think that will be a problem anymore. There are 8 boys and 5 girls in her class and the boys will definitely put her in her place, which is a good thing. She went to take a little car from one of the boys and he said, "that's mine". To which, she replied, "mine" and he said "it's mine, get another one" to which she did...there you have it :)

About 15 minutes later, the parents left the room to go to the auditorium for a group meeting (go over the rules, expectations, etc). I walked out, didn't look back but didn't hear any crying either....good sign!

As I was walking out, a few of the moms were talking and it was apparent that they all knew each other already. From what I gathered, they all went to church there, as well as their kids had been in MDO together too. So, one of the moms asked me if this was Maggie's 1st time to MDO. I said yes, it's her first time anywhere. She said "REALLY!?" She was completely shocked...which I found interesting, I mean, she is only 2 1/2 years old. Anyway....The mom then asked, "WHY?" I said, "well she was adopted..." and she interrupted me by saying, "oh really? from where?" (I'm guessing she was assuming international adoption, etc) So, I responded "through the foster care system". To which she said "ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh" and proceeded to just walk off. Yep, that's right....just walked right off. I was speechless ~ of course, there was no one around to say anything to after that anyway :)

The emotions that flooded through me were so overwhelming. Anger. Frustration. Disappointment. Sadness. I mean, how can anyone be like that? We're talking about a young child here! I wanted to run up to that young mom and take her down (and let me tell ya - it wouldn't have been too hard either! :) and say - listen here, chica...do you want to know my daughter's story? Do you want to know how she came to be placed in our care? Do you want to hear the horror stories of abuse and neglect that she and thousands of other kiddos have experienced? No, I wouldn't think so. You are so closed minded in your own little world, with your own perfect kids, and perfect life, that you can't seem to be open enough to even accept a small innocent, beautiful little girl that will be playing with your daughter 2 days a week. Yes, that's right...my daughter, the one adopted through the foster care system, will be playing with your cute little one every Tuesday and Thursday...and I, for one, can't wait to see what an impact my Maggie will have on your little girl.

***Oh...and after the parent meeting was over, I went back to get Maggie, where she was playing so nicely at the playdoh table. I stood at the door and marveled in the goodness of the Lord and how wonderful it was to see her sitting there with the other kiddos. The teacher said, "Maggie - look who's here" Maggie looked up, smiled really big and said "Hi Momma" and then didn't want to leave. They told her she could come back on Tuesday and she said "ok", picked up her folder, waved to the class, grabbed my hand and skipped out. In the car, she kept saying "Tuesday, Tuesday, come back Momma".

Now, that's what I call a positive end to an "ooooooohhhhhhhh" response!

Solving the Puzzle of Difficult Behavior

Adopted and foster children deserve deep compassion and respect for what they may have endured before they were welcomed into your home. Some of these little ones have survived ordeals that defy the imagination. On a night while we ate steak and fresh vegetables, safe in our comfortable house and enjoying warm conversation with our family, this child might have gone to bed hungry, dirty, and lonely, even rummaging in garbage cans for food. A child raised in a harsh or dysfunctional environment becomes a survivalist. He or she can't be expected to know the rules of family life or to have every intellectual advantage.

The difficult history of these children means that we, as a caretaker, have to work harder to understand and address their unique deficits and make a conscious effort to help them learn the skills they need at home with a caring family. These children may exhibit manipulative or assertive behavior, but instead of faulting them for it, respect that it enabled them to survive and cope in profoundly difficult circumstances.

It can take time for adoptive parents to glimpse the full depth of the harm their child may have endured in his or her "former" life, and how it connects to the challenges he or she faces today.

Adopted and foster children can bring issues with them:
*abandonment, loss and grief issues
*attachment dysfunctions
*neurological alterations
*cognitive impairments
*coordination and motor skill problems
*sensory processing deficits
*fear
*anger
*flashbacks and post traumatic stress
*shame
*anxiety
*depression

Ironically, babies with the most obvious physical and mental impairments can fare better later in life because teachers and parents immediately recognize that something is wrong and make accommodations. When prenatal or postnatal damage is more subtle, the resulting impairments are harder to recognize, so adults are less likely to be compassionate and helpful about the challenges these children face. When your child appears physically perfect, it's easy to erroneously assume that his or her poor behavior is willful and intentional.

We must put aside our preconceived expectations about our child's behavior relative to his or her age. At-risk adopted children may appear to be a certain age physically, but inside they are playing catch-up -- emotionally, behaviorally, and developmentally. They are still healing from old wounds that are invisible to our eyes. Not only have these children lost out on months or years of healthy developmental growth, but now they also have to unlearn the unhealthy strategies they've become accustomed to using.

If we remain mindful of a child's unique history and how early growth was disrupted, we can even admire the strength that allowed this little child to survive adversity and have compassion for the ongoing struggles she faces. It's important to respect the neurological impairments and deep fear that drive disruptive and maladaptive behaviors.

By gaining a deeper understanding of what motivates your child, you'll be in a better position to support your child's healing.

For instance, when Maggie becomes easily angry, she may be trying to express that...
*she is terrified and trying to protect herself from a situation that resembles a terrible experience she had in the past.
*she is so frustrated because she doesn't know how to express her feelings and needs.
*she is exhausted and needs to rest.
*she is terrified of being abandoned again and is begging to not be left alone.
*feels that she must be in control because she's never known trustworthy adults before.

When she disobeys instructions...
*she doesn't understand all the sounds and words coming at her because she was deprived of sounds and language exposure when she was young and can't process them effectively yet.
*she wants to be in control because adults have always proven unreliable - she feels she can only depend on herself.

When she is acting like a bully or being agressive...
*she is treating others as she was treated.
*she is scared and/or sad.
*she is trying to numb her emotional pain by creating pain in the other person.

When she is restless or constantly fidgety...
*she must stay alert and prepared to defend herself at all times because in the past there was no adult to protect her.

Without having lived her life, it is hard for me to comprehend what she endured and what fears still remain. Behavior provides clues to her history - her pain, her fear, her needs. I have to be sensitive and responsive to the deepest needs of the child. This isn't easy. There are so many unknowns. You know that there are going to be problems, but you don't have a clue what you're dealing with. You consult with professionals and finally realize that this sweet little girl is just seeking and looking and still disconnected in so many places. There are so many dynamics there that until you learn them, you can't help. As a parent you do the best you can, but without knowledge and a willingness to do whatever you have to do to figure it out, you're dead in the water.

14 months later, we're still learning. Every day shows different challenges. But we know that the Lord brought Maggie to us, she is ours and despite what she endured in her first 1 1/2 years of life, God is protecting her, developing her, healing her with love & security. God is also giving us the grace, patience, love and understanding to be the best parents that we can be to Maggie. On those days when I feel like I can do nothing right, I'm thankful that God is in control & that He somehow still manages to use me in Maggie's life, despite my inability to parent well :)

The abyss, otherwise known as TCH

Let me just tell you how difficult it has been to try and get Maggie's follow up CPAP sleep study scheduled.

Her first test was done on July 17th. It took over a week just to get the results. By this time, her doctor was out of the country and wouldn't be back for another week. Apparently no one else could sign the orders, so the order for the next test just sat there. The dr. returned and it took another 5 days to get her to sign the orders. They told me to give it a couple of days to get in the system.

I called the following Monday (giving them a week). They said the doctor has signed the orders (yes, this has already been confirmed!) but the orders hadn't been routed to the neurologist for approval. The lady said that she would print it out and turn it in right then. Give her a couple of days. I call back Friday, speak to someone else, and she tells me the same exact thing. I was beginning to get a bit frustrated, but tried really hard to not take it out on this lady. I gave them another week and called back last Monday. The neurologist had not signed off on it yet. Give them a few days. UGH! I've already given you lots of "few" days. I called back Thursday and I was told, yes, the neurologist just signed the orders. It will take a few days to get it in the system.

I gasped....breathed...and then very nicely asked if there was anyway that I could go ahead and make the appointment, even though I wasn't technically in the system yet. She had the paper right in front of her. She said no. It doesn't work that way. Right. Of course. She asked me what location I wanted to have the study take place, and I told her that I would go whereever I could get Maggie in the fastest. I honestly assumed that it would be in the Medical Center because they have the facility to host more kids each night. She said, well, if you want to come here, that's fine but the earliest appointment I have is not until February. FEBRUARY!?!? Are you kidding me? (yes, I did ask that outloud). She sighed and said, no ma'am...I'm being serious. She said you'll be better off going to Cy-Fair (which is where we went last time and it's only 10 minutes from the house). Ok, great...can we schedule it there? Oh no, ma'am...I can't schedule anything for Cy-Fair. You'll have to call that location directly...but they won't have your paperwork until Monday. grrrrrrrr.....

I called Grace today. I guess it was a good idea to be nice to her and speak to her at length the last time, because she remembered me :) She was very apologetic for how long it took us to get to this point and said that she didn't have the paperwork, but she would call them, get the paperwork and get us scheduled as soon as possible. I explained to her that we needed to get this done as quickly as possible, since we were in the process of adopting Maggie and her benefits might run out before we could get everything done. She was really nice and said she would do whatever she could to help us out. She called me back about 30 minutes later, said she had a cancellation and wanted to know if we would come this Friday. YES! Thank you, Grace!

So, Maggie's 2nd sleep apnea test will take this Friday @ 6pm. Since she was a champ the last time, I wasn't concerned about it. However, this is a little different - they add the CPAP mask and machine to the testing set up. Maggie does not like ANYTHING on her face/nose/mouth. She has a hard time just dealing with the little mask she uses for breathing treatments that last 2 minutes. So, this should prove to be interesting....especially since she takes a bottle to sleep. I'm pretty sure she won't be able to suck on a bottle with that mask on. I'm just praying that it will all go well and without any issues. She did such a great job the last time - hoping for a repeat performance.

We're hopeful that this will tell us what we need to do for her sleep apnea. There is a possibility of further testing and surgery, if she has some obstruction, but we're hopeful that it won't be necessary.

To all you foster or adopt mommas out there...if there is only ONE thing that I could stress, it would be this. Be persistent. Do not give up. Keep calling. Keep bugging people. Do what you have to do to get what you need to get done. When you're dealing with the government and medicaid and other foster related agencies, it's just too easy to fall in the cracks. It is definitely true that the squeaky wheel gets the oil :)

I'll be sure to update you on how things go this weekend. Of course, we always appreciate your prayers.

Let's go Krogering....

I've dabbled in coupons for years, but honestly, as of late, I tend to forget to bring the coupons with me to the store (ugh!) However, when I got the flyer stating that Kroger was going to double all coupons up to a $1 for one day only....I started to hyperventilate! Wow! That could come out to saving ALOT of money.

I called our 24 hour store @ midnight to see when the doubling actually started and he said - oh right now :) So, I was already up and awake and decided to head out with all my coupons. I don't do my weekly shopping @ this Kroger, so it made for an even longer trip, as I didn't know where everything was located. Plus, you're going through all your coupons. I got there a little before 1am, and the there were over 30 people in line, with 2 cashiers?!?!? WHAT?! You'd think that they would have been more prepared since they were the ones hyping it up...oh well. Anyway, I had plenty to do while they waited. I went up and down every aisle, checking for sales, figuring out how much I'd save on each item, contemplating was it worth it, do I need it, etc. I did purchase items I wouldn't normally buy, but when it's free, or nearly free, how can you resist? I have NEVER filled my cart like I did this morning. Almost 2 hours later, I was in line but thankfully it had died down. There were only about 8 of us there (all moms without their kids....all tired...but all excited to see what kind of damage we did) We all chatted with each other, read magazines, and talked about how we were going to try and figure out where to put all our stuff & get some sleep before our kids woke up in a couple of hours!

So, it was my turn. All items added up, then my Kroger card deals, then my e-coupons that I've added to my Kroger card, then my physical coupons (internet printables and newspaper coupons). I couldn't believe it....it was like winning the jackpot in Vegas or something. I purchased 110 items and used 94 coupons! I saved 73%! Talk about making it work! It was WELL worth my time and energy. Of course, it was 3:30am when I got home and I realized that I now had 110 items to bring into the house without waking the others who were sleeping. The sackers were great @ Kroger, by really being careful to sack all perishables together and putting in one basket, then putting everything else together in another. The guy then walked me out to my car, put all the non-perishables in first, and the perishables next, so that when I got home, I could just take out the stuff that needed to be put away. The rest could wait.

So, of course, I had to take pictures :)


After a couple of hours of sleep (Maggie doesn't know what sleeping in is...yet!), I went through my coupons again and decided that since I did so well, I was going to hit up the other Kroger this afternoon. This time I ended up with 67 items and using 59 coupons. Cha-ching!


In the end, I bought 179 items & used 153 coupons. My totals (before coupons) came to $502! My total out of pocket expense for ALL these items: $131!

Now, that's what I call making the system work for you!

The fun part was trying to find a place to put all this stuff....
Frig, freezer, pantry, kitchen cabinets and even the garage...FULL!

While it was exhausting, it was actually pretty exciting. Call me crazy!

Did any of you go Krogering?

A bullet point update

I just realized that I haven't blogged in 11 days...shame on me. First one to blame is my new iPhone...because of her, I no longer have to get on my computer nearly as much. Unfortunately, it is VERY challenging and time consuming to blog on the iPhone, so I have found myself delayed in posting. Secondly, all 3 of us have been sick over the past 2 weeks, on and off...and well, enough said there.

So, while I have a free moment to breathe, I thought I'd just highlight some things that have been going on:

1. Maggie failed her sleep apnea test and therefore is required to have a CPAP test done. The orders for the test were drawn up 3 weeks ago. The doctor was out of the country and therefore couldn't sign the orders until her return last Thursday. (Not sure why another dr in the dept couldn't sign them...moving on.) Called the sleep clinic today to follow up. The Dr. finally signed the orders but they weren't actually forwarded to the sleep clinic. Thankfully, I called. She printed the orders out and said she'd give them to the sleep clinic doctor for review. This takes up to 6 business days. Seriously? It's no wonder why it takes 3 months to get an appointment at TCH. Ugh! So I will call back next Monday in hopes of getting her next sleep study scheduled.

2. I was able to get a copy of Maggie's test results through the Medical Records department, after completing 3 forms and sending in a check. They only accept cash or check. They charge $10 PER PAGE copied and won't copy the report until 50% of money is received, and won't release until 100% paid for. But, of course, can't tell you how many pages it will be. UGH! Now, I used to own a copying business and I can tell you that it does NOT cost $10 to copy one sheet of paper. Oh yeah, and I had to pay an extra $25 to "expedite it". Good news is that I received the results in the mail just 4 days after they were requested....and the bad news is the number of pages copied. I'll just keep that to myself (and my checkbook) Absolutely RIDICULOUS!

3. I have been trying and trying and trying to get Maggie enrolled in a Mother's Day Out program for months...without success! I couldn't get anyone to return my phone calls or reply to my emails, after many attempts. (at 4 different churches no less) Tonight, I laid down in bed and was just praying for something to open up, for someone to respond. As soon as I said AMEN, my iPhone dinged and I had a message from my first choice MDO! They just had a cancellation in Maggie's age group and they'll hold the space for her! Thank you Jesus! It's just across the street (3 of my nieces went there and they loved it) and it's Tues/Thurs from 9 - 2. These are my days to work from home, and while I love my time with Maggie, we feel it's vitally important for her to be around other kids and to be away from me. Now, I know that sounds strange, but let me explain. In the 13 months that we have had Maggie, she has only been away from me a handful of times....and all but 2 times, she was with Michael. It was so important for us to build that bond with her when we first got her and it took months for her to trust that we were going to even be in the next room when she woke up. So the bond has been created but now she suffers from EXTREME separation anxiety. I can't even go to the mailbox without her having a major meltdown. She just doesn't understand that Momma is going to come right back. She does just fine on the days when I go into the office, because I leave before she wakes up. As long as she doesn't see me first, she's ok. But if I were to try and leave her when she's up and about, forget about it. I'm going to stay positive and be hopeful that this will be a wonderful experience for her!

4. No news on the adoption front. That subsidy paperwork that was supposed to be denied in 2 days, hasn't been reviewed in almost a month. Yep. The legal department hasn't provided Maggie's redacted file yet either...so until those 2 things happen, we can't move forward. So much for an August adoption. Looking forward to celebrating in September!

5. There was something else I wanted to say but now I can't remember what it was. Nothing new for me these days :)