Welcome back old friend

After much discussion and advice sought, we welcomed back an old friend to our home tonight.....the ba-ba.

We have had 25 straight nights of pure agonizing trauma. We have tried everything - different routines, substitutions, pacifers, sippy cups, books, songs, rocking, new blanket - everything and none of it worked.

Maggie was just absolutely traumatized by us taking away her bottle at nap/bed time. Our goal was to get rid of it so that she could adjust to not having to have something to drink...with the hopes of potty training in the coming months. However, after evaluating her behavior, we felt it was in her best interest to focus on her emotional well being, versus trying to think of potty training.

Every night was a major battle. She would eventually fall asleep but out of pure exhaustion and always in our arms. She was no longer able to put herself to sleep. She hasn't taken a nap in a few weeks now and the poor thing is just exhausted. She is waking up in the middle of the night & waking up much earlier than before. I just kept thinking, surely this will pass...each night will get a little better. But it didn't.

In hindsight, I shouldn't have taken the bottle away. I was ready. She wasn't ready. I thought it wouldn't be THAT big of an issue and it was much more than I could've imagined. That baba is obviously a huge security for her and I feel horrible for taking it away.

So, tonight, we made a trip to Target and we went to the baby section. I didn't say anything and just grabbed a package of bottles and Maggie started yelling "BABA! BABA! Maggie Baba!" I gave them to her to hold and she immediately started sucking on the plastic wrap, trying to get to the bottles.

After we read some books and said our prayers, Maggie asked for some milk. She didn't ask for the baba, and I hestitated, thinking...well, maybe she doesn't need the baba afterall. But, I decided to not risk it. I walked into her room, with the baba behind my back. She said, Momma milk? And I pulled out the baba. You should have seen that sweet baby's face light up like Christmas morning. She grabbed that baba, gave me a big kiss, said "nigh night Momma", turned on her side and fell fast asleep.

With tears in my eyes, I said my good night and walked into my room and just cried. Tears because I can see that I caused 25 nights of unnecessary trauma. Tears because my sweet little innocent baby girl still needs such comfort. It makes you wonder what really has happened in her short life that would cause such deep need for that security. Tears because that gift of the baba brought her immediate peace and comfort, that right now, nothing else can.

It's a good reminder that often times what we think we need to do and what others are telling us to do, might not really be the best thing for us at all. It's also a strong reminder that even though our sweet Maggie Joy is doing wonderfully from where she was a year ago, she still has experienced greater trauma in her first 18 months of life, than most people do in a lifetime...and sometimes, we just need the little extra comfort along the way.

So, welcome home baba....we sure are happy to see you again.

And as for potty training, well....we'll tackle that another day!

Where does the time go???

Has it seriously been over 2 weeks since I last blogged? Yikes! Where does the time go? Let's see....it goes to a very active 2 1/2 year old, as well as a husband, a house, a job, mounds of laundry, caseworker visits, doctor visits, play dates, completing more forms, having a garage sale, being sick....just to name a few :)

Last Tuesday, Maggie's CPS caseworker and our agency caseworker both stopped by for their monthly visit. It was great to have them both here at the same time, because they were able to meet each other and talk with each other face to face on what they needed from each other, etc. Basically, the 90 day waiting period is up on July 20th. On July 21st, CPS will submit our subsidy paperwork to the state, even though we know we will be denied. Maggie does not qualify for any benefits, since she is white, under the age of 6 and doesn't have any major issues. Don't even get me started on how I feel that this is completely ridiculous and reverse discrimination. I firmly believe that all children in foster care should be given the same benefits, despite their age/race/situation. Some many need more assistance than others, but I think they should all receive some basic assistance. But I digress...and I will pick up that soap box in another post! They want us to apply for the subsidy benefits, even though we know we'll denied, in case something should ever change in the future. If you've been denied, you can always appeal. But if you never submit the paperwork and the adoption is finalized, you can't ever apply again. So, we have the paperwork filled out and ready to be submitted.

Once the paperwork has been submitted and a decision has been rendered, then CPS will provide us with a copy of Maggie's complete CPS file. They used to give people a copy to keep, but now they're not allowed to do that (huh?!?!) They will bring the file to our home and allow us to read it. We will then sign off that we've read it, and CPS will have us sign the adoption placement papers. Once the adoption placement papers are signed, they are given to our attorney to file for our court date. It has been our understanding that the waiting time for court dates is rather long, but E (CPS caseworker) said that it usually doesn't take more than a few weeks. Her best case scenario is that we should be completely done by the end of August! She said that was great timing, being that it would've been just over a year since bringing Maggie home. We couldn't be happier! Can't believe it'll be a year next month on bringing Maggie home....wow...what a difference a year makes!

Ba-ba update....we are officially a household free of ba-bas....she doesn't even ask for them anymore. Yay! HOWEVER, going to bed, whether for a nap or a night time, has been horrific the past week or so. I seriously hope that the neighbors can't hear her screaming, as it sounds like she's being tortured! We can't figure out what's going on. We've tried all sorts of things. She just seems so terrified to be left alone in her room. The past 2 nights I have sat on the floor in her room for almost 2 hours, waiting for her to fall asleep. Just when I think, oh yeah, she's out...nope. Last night, I decided to let her fall asleep in our bed and then move her (like we did when we first brought her home) but that didn't work. She didn't fall asleep until 11:00pm! Michael & I just don't know what to do. She finally falls asleep out of pure exhaustion but she's waking up every morning between 6 and 7am.

One (of many) things we've learned through our journey, is that every situation is different. Every child is different. What works for one, won't work for another. You just have to keep trying different things, new techniques, until you find something that works. And when it stops working, try something else. It's hard....it's exhausting....but she's ours, and she's worth it.

Visits

***UPDATE***
6/11/09 Saw Maggie's surgeon today. Right ear tube is already on it's way out. Left ear tube is still securely in place. No issues as long as there are no infections. Ears look great! Sleep study ordered but will take 2 -3 months to get scheduled. Oh, and they weighed/measured her and she is 26.5 pounds and 34.5 inches tall. Guess that's the difference between digital (TCH) and manual (dr) equipment!

Original post to follow....

I just realized that I didn't comment on some of Maggie's appointments that I told you all about. Forgive me! Life has been a little hectic these days.

Psychological Evaluation: The 2 child psychologists were very nice and easy to work with. They asked me a lot of questions about Maggie's behaviors, abilities, development, skills, etc. They played some games with her, asked her some simple questions and she did great! At one point, the psychologist gave Maggie a game and then quickly took it away from her. I was thinking "great...way to go lady...don't you realize what you just did?!?!?" Sure enough, she knew what she was doing. Her goal was to get Maggie to throw a temper tantrum...and throw one she did! Good grief. The psychologist said that she was acting "normal" and that I was handling it great. Of course, I thought to myself..."well, sure I am...you're here!" She told me that she passed the psychological exam with her temper tantrum. That in all reality, they are very concerned when 2 year olds don't respond in the way that Maggie did. Oh wow. Good to know. So I guess the next time she does this in public, I should just let those that are staring know that the psychologist said she's perfectly normal and just let her be. Yeah. Sure. That will go over real well.

In the end, Maggie is right on schedule developmentally, and actually a bit advanced in a few areas. Her most advanced skill? Activity level. REALLY?! Shocking! (ha!)

They said that they were surprised at how well she has developed, given her history but we know that it's the goodness of the Lord and in His protection over Maggie through her short little life.

Monday had us in the doctor's office for an exam and more shots. We are FINALLY up to date on all shots. Poor baby. She had to endure 2 years of shots in about a 10 month period. No more shots until she turns 4. Yippee! Maggie is now 2 1/2 and weighs 29 pounds (I seriously thought she weighed more than that...oh my aching back!) and is 35 1/2 inches tall. She's in the 50th percentile for her age, so we're glad she's "normal" :)

Tomorrow we are back at Texas Children's for her follow up on her surgery and hopefully to get her referral for the sleep study. She had a sleep study done when she was about 16 months old (before us), then had the surgery, so she needs another one to see if the surgery fixed everything. I really doubt that it did. Figured we should try and get this all taken care of before her benefits run out and everything is paid for in full!

We NEED to finish up our subsidy paperwork! Still working through it.

Next Tuesday is another home visit day from CPS & H4G. We truly are thankful to have such diligent case workers who visit us every month and keep us updated quite frequently on the "in's and out's" of the case.

As for the baba fiasco, I mean, transition....it has NOT been easy or pleasant. It has been quite the struggle. Each day brings something new. Sometimes Maggie wants a particular cup. Sometimes she just wants the top of the cup to suck on. Sometimes she wants nothing. There are always tears. It is hard...but I know we'll get through it.

Summer Nights

...oh the joys of childhood and breezy summer nights. I think we could all learn a lesson or two from the little ones in our lives ~ take time to run through the sprinkler and get a little dirt on our hands.

Mud puddles

Update on the break up....

Update....naptime did NOT go well with Daddy today. Major coniption apparently would be an understatement.

I called one of our therapists to get some advice...over my lunch hour in the Walmart parking lot.

She gave me quite a few ideas/options/things to try.

We determined that Maggie's need for the baba is more sensory attachment than anything else. This was apparent when we realized that she just wants something to chew on, not necessary something to drink.

The therapist suggested that we might need to take one step back to move forward.

Maggie has been putting herself to sleep for many months now. However, the therapist suggested that we bring Maggie back into our bed, read to her, sing to her, and try to get her to re-attach to me or Michael, versus attaching to an item (like the bottle).

So, we did a few things. First thing is that I went to Walmart and bought Maggie a couple of new sippy cups. When I showed them to her today, I showed her these new cups (completely different than any others we have) and said - here are your new big girl cups. She was THRILLED! (score for Momma!)

When it was time to go to bed, I grabbed the new cup, filled it with milk, and brought it into our bedroom. I asked Maggie to pick out some books so that we could read together in Momma's bed. We enjoyed reading together and I could sense her relaxing and getting tired. At that point, I gave Maggie her new cup, turned the light off and snuggled with her. She fought it for a bit - asking for the light to be put back on, asking to watch tv (which I knew would be an issue) but she finally relaxed, sucked on her new sippy cup and fell asleep within about 20 minutes of lights out. I woke up ( yes, I fell asleep with her) and put her in her bed. She didn't wake up and she never asked for her baba. The sippy cup was empty and stayed in our room.

Whew...maybe this will work?! I'm thankful that not once did Maggie ask for her baba. She was too excited about her new sippy cups I guess....which is a good thing, because our house is officially baba free. That's right....when she wasn't looking, I put all of the bottles and nipples in a bag and took it out to the trash. Yep. Cold turkey....for Momma/Daddy & baby. This way, we're not tempted to cave in! I'm hopeful that out of sight/out of mind will work with this.

I'm anxious to see what happens tonight - if she wakes up looking/asking for the baba, or if she will wake up earlier than normal. I'm hopeful that this will truly take care of our issue.

As for the sippy cup, I am going to gradually reduce the amount of milk given each night, so that at some point there will be nothing in there, and she won't want/need it any longer. Then we can move on to the next challenge.

Oh, and did I mention that Maggie went pee pee in the potty tonight?!?! That's right, folks...and without any proding on my part. I know that is a fluke, but seriously....I was pretty pumped about it.

Stay tuned for more :)

Breaking up is hard to do....

June 1st....that was the day chosen for disaster to strike our relatively normal home.

It was time to say bye-bye to the ba-ba (aka bottle).

When Maggie came home @ 17 months, she was only drinking from a bottle. She would NOT drink from a sippy cup or anything else for that matter. It took us almost 4 months to get her to start drinking from a cup at times, other than nap/bed time. She finally accepted it but still needed a bottle to go down to sleep (whether at night or just for a nap). To Maggie the words "nigh-night" and "ba-ba" were synomonous. One did not exist without the other. We've tried a few times here and there in recent months to try and break her of this, without success. Oh the poor child will scream, cry, tear up her room, bang on the door & sound like she's being tortured(you get the picture) if she doesn't have her bottle. We initially tried to switch out the bottle for the sippy cup at naptime only. Nope...not gonna work. Then I decided, well, what if we just put water in her bottle and hope she just gets disinterested in it, since it doesn't have milk in it....nope, didn't work. She would just look at me like I was crazy. She wanted her milk and she wanted it in a bottle. Period.

Here's the challenge....if we don't break her of this habit of having to have a bottle (or a sippy cup for that matter) the child will never get potty trained. Now, she's not showing any interest in potty training yet, but I am just trying to get prepared, as everything takes a little longer than "typical" with Maggie.

The hardest part is that for my sweet child, that bottle is her security blanket. It is something she has control over. She knows it is hers. She knows that she can grasp it, hold on to it, drink or not drink the milk, but it's with her always. She doesn't know how to put herself to sleep without a bottle easily. It is a major fight and honestly the only reason she falls asleep is out of pure exhaustion.

So, yesterday, I gave her a sippy cup of milk at naptime. I wish I could show you the look on her face. She was like....Capital N.....Capital O! I explained to her ( I know...she's 2) that she's a big girl and that she doesn't need her baba. If she's thirsty she can have some milk out of her sippy cup. She wasn't buying it. I gave it to her, she quickly threw it to the floor and starting her wailing. My heart breaks for her but when will it be the right time? There will never be the right time to do it and it will only get worse as time goes on. I told her I loved her and closed the door behind me. 45 tortuous minutes later, I hear silence, but I dare not open the door quite yet. Another 15 minutes passes and I gently crack open the door to find her room in complete upheaval and my poor baby out cold on the bed. She only slept for an hour and poor thing seemed quite distraught when she woke up. Oh.man.

We were dreading night time. I think she knew what was up. She started saying baba before I could even get to the kitchen. I calmly explained to her that she was going to get her milk in her big girl sippy cup tonight and go to bed. Not. Going. To. Happen. She took it while crying and BEGGED me to go into Momma's big bed. I caved. I thought...well, if I can get her to drink from the sippy cup and not the bottle, and she has to fall asleep in our bed, then fine. Well, she played her momma and daddy good. That was at 8pm....10pm and she still isn't asleep and now is saying something that neither of us can understand. So, I said, Maggie, show Momma want you want. She takes my hand, walks me to the kitchen and says up, momma. Great. She's taken me to the cabinet with all her sippy cups and her bottles. Ugh. So, I put her up on the counter and she opens the cabinet door. (I was cringing...please don't see the 10 bottles right there in front of you!!) And she goes for her other sippy cup that has handles on it. Apparently she wanted this one, versus the one without handles that I gave her. I couldn't believe it...thank you Jesus :) So, I pour her milk from one cup to another and take her to her bed. Do you think that was it? Nope.

She throws the cup, crying in her bed, refusing to lay down. I tell her good night and close the door behind me. I return to our room, turn on the monitor and hear "baba momma" "baba daddy" "no sippy" "more baba" and then out of no where we hear "bye bye baba" and that was it. She finally fell asleep about 10:30 and was sound asleep when I left for work this morning.

However, her daddy called me @ 7am saying that she was wide awake and crying for her baba. (She normally doesn't wake up before 8:30am)

Needless to say it was a rough day/night. I have a feeling that this will take a while. Daddy has day #2 of breaking up today...we'll see how that goes. It will get worse before it gets better (that's typically how it works in our house anyway).

As a mother, it is so hard to see your child so distraught, especially when you are the one "causing" it. Maggie doesn't understand what is going on. She doesn't see the big picture. She doesn't care that she will need to use the big girl potty one day soon. She doesn't care. She only cares about her baba. Her schedule. Her security. How she is feeling today. Oh the challenges of being a parent and finding the fine lines of helping your child grow and mature. Pray that sweet Maggie will be able to feel safe and secure to go to bed without anything, and that her momma & daddy will have the patience to go through this.

After all....breaking up is hard to do!