Fully trained....

On paper anyway! Yes, Michael & I have completed our required 30 hours of training for our adoption. Seems like it was just yesterday that we found out when we would take our classes and that the 30 hours would take "forever" to get through...and now, we're done and we can't believe how quickly time flew!

During our last session, we had a foster mom visit with us. She is a remarkable lady. She and her husband have been foster care parents for 30 years and have taken care of almost 90 drug addicted/drug affected babies in that time. She was very open and honest with us in what they've experienced and it was great to hear first hand from someone. In the end, Michael & I were so thankful for her ministry and sacrifice and prayed that our children were in the care of foster parents like her!

We now have to complete all of our homework and projects, turn them in to Dennis at LSS and then it will all be reviewed by a caseworker. We will then be assigned an adoption caseworker to perform our homestudy. I'm not sure how long that will take; we'll have to find out from Dennis.

We have learned so much about ourselves through this training and feel we are much more prepared for what is to come. Now, this doesn't mean that we think we have all the answers! No, it means that we have many more questions, but we also know that God is with us, walking this journey along side us and is preparing each and every day for our children, and in turn, our children for us.

Thanks so much for your prayers, encouragement and friendship! We'll keep you posted as we learn more.

2nd Training Session.....

Another early Saturday morning surrounded by 30 other people who are experiencing all the same emotions that we are! Saturday marked the 2nd of 3 mandated training sessions by the State of Texas as part of our adoption process.

When Michael & I first heard about PRIDE, we just thought it was something that had to be done, part of the process, push through it, get it over with, etc.....and while it's still true that it's part of the process, it's so much more than that. It has been eye-opening, heart-wrenching, thought-provoking and life-changing for us, as individuals, as a couple and now as future parents.

The entire session was on behavorial management. I had some friends ask if they could sit in on the session to gain some pointers ~ ha! It's really strange. Everything that we have ever thought about discipline, punishment, behavior, expectations has changed. The way that Michael & I grew up, the way that most of you have been brought up and/or chosen to raise your children is no longer really an option. We've had to really evaluate how we're going to parent and discipline our children. While most people just go with the flow, making decisions as they go, we don't have that option, when it comes to adopting children out of foster care.

The trust that a baby gains from being with their mommy and daddy from the moment of their birth is something that our children will not have. The love that a baby feels and receives is something that our children have most likely not experienced. Every important person in their life, and still important even if they were the abuser, has been taken from them. They have never been taught how to love, how to behave, how to receive love, how to gain trust, how to respect other people or things.

Whatever expectations I had for my children, as their mother, have now changed. I have to lower my expectations ~ not because the children aren't worthy of high expectations, but because they can't possibly fulfill them as they have no knowledge of what it is like to be "normal" child in a "normal" homelife, with 2 parents who love them, care for them, provide for them and keep them safe.

We talked a lot about having rules in the house and how we have to be very specific. If we had biological children of our own, it might be fairly simple to tell our child, one of our rules is that you show respect at all times...and there's a good chance that the child would understand and know what that means. However, a child who has been neglected, abused, or abandoned doesn't have a concept of respect. So it means breaking it down. The one rule of "show respect" will now have to be broken down into 10 rules, 25 rules or maybe even 50 rules...and that's just one rule.

One of our first discussions on Saturday was the difference between discipline and punishment. We had to write down how we were disciplined and/or punished as children and place the action under the category we felt it fit. For example - some people felt being spanked was punishment, while others thought of it as discipline. While I do not want to get into a huge debate about spanking here, I do want to say that in our situation, we have had to change our opinions of it. By law, the state of Texas forbids us to show any physical punishment or discipline towards a child while they are in our care. We have to sign an agreement stating that we will follow these standards and if we don't, we could lose custody of our children. Now some of you may think that this is very extreme. But please remember, these children have all suffered some sort of abuse. CPS only knows so much. They have told us to assume that physical abuse has occured with each child, so that we are prepared. Even a simple touch or gesture could be detrimental to a child, when first brought into our home.

During the discussion, each person had to share how they were disciplined as a child, how it made us feel, what were the results of it, would we do things differently, etc. I said that I had been spanked as a child, but it wasn't that often, as I always tried to be "good kid". Everyone laughed. I went on to say, that I was spanked and I turned out ok. Lidia quickly came in and said - yes, that's true Courtney but you want to know why? It's because while you were punished with spanking, your parents also gave you a balance of discipline. These children have never had balance. Have never had discipline. Only punishment.

As we were discussing topics in our small groups, we started talking about the fact that we didn't think that this would be as big of an issue for us in the group, as we were all looking to adopt children under the age of 3. Lidia overheard our conversation and asked the whole room to listen. She asked us how many of us thought it would be easier to manage younger children? We all raised our hands. She said that we were wrong and you want to know why? Because young children, especially under the age of 2 are unable to communicate. They cannot express their emotions, tell you what happened to them, express how it made them feel. They have no words. They are detached. They are isolated. They are alone. So even though the length of time of possible abuse is shorter the younger they are, doesn't mean that the results will be any different. This was a huge eye opener for us.

This post has gone on much longer than I thought and I'm sure that I've touched on so many topics, had a few rabbit trails and jumped all over the place....for that I apologize. I guess it gives you a glimpse of were our heads and hearts have been taken over the past 2 weeks.

As I said at the beginning of this post ~ this training has been eye-opening, heart-wrenching, thought-provoking and life-changing for us. It's been joyful and fearful, happy and sad, excited and scared....all at the same time. We hear the stories that Lidia shares and our hearts ache for our children, knowing that their little lives have already been so disrupted. We long to be able to bring them home, protect them, love them, nurture them and give them every opportunity in this world. We know that we can only do this with God's help and guidance along the way.

We know that the Lord is watching over our children tonight and that comforts us in ways unimaginable. It truly is amazing to love someone(s) so much and yet not even know them. Only God could put that love in our hearts. God is good....ALL the time. All the time....God is good!

1st Training Session

Michael & I attended our first of three mandatory PRIDE training sessions this past Saturday. We had no idea of what to expect but were anxious to get it started.

We arrived at DePelchin Children’s Services and were ushered into a large conference room. We signed in, grabbed our 4inch manual (or life book, as the caseworker called it) and sat down at a group table for 4 people. There were 30 of us in attendance. There were married couples, single people, those with biological children and those without, those who were on their 2nd adoption and those being re-certified for foster parenting. There were also a few people there who weren’t sure of which direction they were taking and were hoping to gain clarification through the training process. Some of us were there for adoption while others were there for foster care. PRIDE training is for both adoptive and foster care parents. In the State of Texas, if you wish to adopt from the state, you have to be licensed to be a foster care parent. Michael & I were joined by a single grandmother who wanted to open her home to foster care and by a married lady (whose husband had already taken the training) who was doing a kinship-adoption and in the process of adopting her 3 nieces who are in CPS custody in Alaska. We all had very different backgrounds and future goals, so it was great to be able to share the training together and gain different perspectives on things.

Lidia, our trainer, has been with CPS for 30 years. I can’t even begin to imagine all the things that she has seen. She was very open, honest and upfront. The training was more than informative. It was overwhelming. The bottom line is this: these children have all experienced major loss in their lives. They have all experienced some sort of trauma. These children are removed from the only lives they know, regardless of how bad their situation was. The early years of a child are the most critical in building who they are and what they believe to be true, right and good. There are many reasons a child might be placed in foster care: physical neglect, homelessness, poverty, sexual abuse, physical abuse, death of parents, or medical issues; and because of this, there are many potential risks and situations that we might encounter in bringing our children home. Just like when you get a new medication from your doctor and they tell you of all the risks and you begin to wonder why in the world would I even want to take the medication? ~ So it is in adopting children through the State. You hear of all the risks, the potentials issues the child might have, the emotional state of the child, the inability to attach themselves to another adult or trust another adult.

They gave us all the worst case scenarios ~ not to scare us, but to prepare us. So, why would we want to risk that? Why would we want to go through this? It is not the child’s fault that they are in this situation. Every child deserves to be loved, cared for, nurtured, encouraged, and protected and to feel safe in their own home. Michael & I have felt from the beginning that only God could have brought us down this road. When we talked about adoption in the past (while still trying to conceive on our own), we just naturally thought of private adoption. We never discussed adopting through the State; it just wasn’t even a thought. It was only after God spoke to both of us in different ways that it was clear that this is what God chose for us.

Our eyes are open to the possible risks or situations but our hearts are open to accepting and loving the children that God brings to us. We are confident that God is preparing our children even now for joining our family. We pray each day for our children and for the foster care parents that are currently taking care of them. We know that God is in control. We know that He is a BIG God and we know that He will not bring us through anything that we can’t handle.

We have 2 more Saturday sessions and then we’ll be through with our mandated training. At that point, we will be assigned an adoption case worker and that person will come and do our home study. Apparently the home study is very intrusive, complex, time consuming and overwhelming ~ but again, all part of the process. We have about 4 hours of homework to do each week as well. This is also stressful as the homework is turned in to your case worker, placed in your permanent file and is a major contributing factor in their decision process.

We so appreciate your prayers, support and encouragement along the way.

I am confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27:13 – 14)

Confirmation

This time the US Postal Service delivered really fast! Dennis called us tonight to let us know that he got our packet ~ we just mailed it yesterday. He wanted to let us know that everything looked great. See...there was no need for me to be worried about how we answered the questions or what someone might think! We really do worry too much about things.

Dennis confirmed that we're on the fast track and that once our training is completed at the end of this month, we will be assigned a case worker and things should move very quickly then.

Michael & I just looked at each other and said - we could be parents by the end of the summer! What?! Remember when I said in an earlier post that things seem to go by really slowly and then at times very quickly...this would be one of those "quick" times.

It's very hard to plan. When you're pregnant, you have a good estimation of when you will bring your child home. In our case, we don't know whether it will be one child or two; what age they will be; if they'll be boys or girls, or one of each; and we have no idea of when we would get the call to let us know we've been chosen. How do you prepare? There really is no way. Do we buy a crib, a toddler bed or one of each? Do we have them share a room or do we make a room for each? So many many questions. This is definitely going to be one of those times of truly trusting in the Lord to give us direction and peace in the midst of chaos and the unknown. We know that it will all work out in His timing and in His way, but the OCD/organizational/planner in me, freaks out!

We're excited, nervous, anxious, happy and praising God for all His blessings along this journey!

Another packet off....

Over the weekend, Michael & I completed yet another stack of paperwork and got it sent off to Dennis yesterday. This packet included individual questionnaires on our parental skills and about our marriage. We had to complete one on ourselves as well as for our spouse/co-parent. It was somewhat difficult to answer some of the questions. You worry that you will say the wrong thing or wonder how they will react to your response, so you try to word everything just right while still remaining honest and true to yourselves. Again, it's one of those things that most people don't really think about...it's just what happens or how you respond, etc. When you have to put all your answers to every kind of situation down on paper and how you will respond, discipline, react, etc ~ that's when it gets a little difficult.

After Michael & I completed our forms, we got together to discuss them. Amazingly enough, we gave the same answers. That's a good thing, right?! That means we're on the same page (so to speak) and that we know each other so well. We both struggled with writing down our own strengths and weaknesses of ourselves as a spouse and as a parent, as well as having to say the same thing about each other. Funny thing though - we did write down the same weaknesses and strengths on each other. Honestly, I wrote down that my weakness as a parent would most likely be that I'll be too lenient and then that Michael won't be lenient enough. I thought that it might come across the wrong way but Michael thought that it showed balance. I tried so many ways to reword it to make it sound just right, then we stopped, prayed about it and just left it the way that we had initially responded. We're not perfect. They're not looking for perfect people. We answered the questions honestly. We're confident that they'll understand our hearts and appreciate our honesty.

We start our 1st of 3 all day Saturday trainings this weekend. We will be in training from 8:00am - 6:00pm....whew...that's a long day! We're both really curious to see what all we're going to discuss, learn and experience through this training. I'm sure I'll have plenty to report after Saturday. We're just excited to get this going and to be able to complete all of our training by the end of May.

Often times it seems like things are moving extremely slow but then there are times where it is just flying by! All in God's timing though....

Faith....

Faith is not conjuring up, through an act of your will, a sense of certainty that something is going to happen. It is recognizing God’s promise as an actual fact, believing that it is true, rejoicing in the knowledge of that truth, and then simply resting because God said it.

Faith turns a promise into prophesy. A promise is contingent upon our cooperation, but when we exercise genuine faith in it, it becomes a prophesy. Then we can move ahead with certainty that it will come to pass, because “God….does not lie.”

God, who does not lie, promised. (Titus 1:2)

I often find myself praying for more faith and then I realize that it is not more faith that I am wanting at all. What I am wanting is my faith to be changed to sight.

Faith does not say “I see this is good for me; therefore God must have sent it.” Instead, faith declares, “God sent it; therefore it must be good for me.”

The Shepherd does not ask of thee
Faith in your faith, but only faith in Him;
And this He meant in saying, “Come to me.”
In light or darkness seek to do His will,
And leave the work of faith to Jesus still. (author unknown)

Holding His hand more tightly,
Court