Adoption Fair

Michael & I attended the adoption fair yesterday. It was pretty much what we had imagined....a bunch of tables with one or two people at each, representing their agency, providing information, handing out brochures and answering any questions you might have. It was basically the first introduction to the process and where to begin.

We went to speak to one agency specifically ~ one that has been recommended to us by a few people. The gentleman hosting the table couldn't have been any nicer or more sincere. He was truly listening to us and sharing with us the process. We both felt instantly at ease with him. He would be the first person that we would sit down with and talk to, before starting the process.

There was a lot of information to decifer and consider...and we've been doing just that. There are a lot of factors to consider, a lot of fears to work through, a lot of paperwork to be filled out, a lot of information to share...but through it all, we hope to start our family this year.

We prayed on our way to the church ~ that the Lord would just show us where we needed to be, what we needed to do, where to go ~ and instantly we were at peace. There is no doubt in our hearts that God has called us to be parents through adoption.

It's a long process, with a lot of paperwork as well as training and certification ~ but we are excited about it.

Isn't it interesting that those who become parents through natural childbirth don't have to do any training or certification but adoptive parents are required a minimum of 30 hours before being certified. Sometimes I think it would be beneficial for everyone to go through it....

Our next step is to schedule a meeting with Dennis in his office and we plan on doing that very soon. Thanks for your encouragement and prayers!

Adoption Week

This week is Adoption Awareness Week on KSBJ (our local Christian radio station). Coincidence? 3 different people have come up to me in the past month, sharing a story of someone they know who has gone through the adoption process through the state with great success ~ without even knowing that we had been considering adoption for a while now. One of the gals sharing didn't even know of my infertility issues. In the midst of a busy life and plenty of things going on, I have been given the opportunity to connect with a mother who brought her 2 children home a few months ago to be a great source of encouragement, over a 2 hour phone conversation. I have not met her in person but feel as if I met someone who has walked in the same shoes as me - an instant connection. There "just happens" to be an adoption fair tomorrow that all of the agencies in the area are sponsoring.

Coincidence? No way! God? Absolutely! It's truly the only answer. I have always known that adoption was an option, even if we were able to carry our own biological children. As many of you know, I worked with an orphan relief organization for 2 years and grew to love those children as my own. So I knew that it could happen.

Not until recently, have I been able to relinquish to the Lord that ultimate feeling that the only way that I could truly feel like a mother was to get pregnant, carry my baby to term and deliver him or her into the arms of my husband standing by. Please do not misunderstand what I am sharing here. It hasn't been easy for me to let go of all that I have imagined my life to be since as far back as I can remember....first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby (and in MY plan, babies) in a baby carriage. I know that I was made to be a mom. I know that those desires were placed on my heart by my loving Abba Father. I am not saying that I feel that the Lord has completely closed my womb forever...maybe He has, maybe He hasn't. I do not know. But what I do know is that my womb is closed right now and that the Holy Spirit has been speaking to us intently and slowly steering us in this direction. I do know that God the Father is ultimately our Father and that we are all adopted into His family. I do know that children are born of God and brought into our lives in His timing and in His way.

My whole heart has truly changed on my understanding of what it means to be a mother. I read this poem this morning, and it really sums up what I've been trying to say....

Neither flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone
But still, miraculously, my own
Never forget for a single minute
You didn't grow under my heart
But in it!

Michael & I are going to go to the adoption fair tomorrow. We don't really know what to expect but I'm blessed to have him with me on this journey, so that we can learn together. I guess we'll find out when we get there.

This is all new to us and while we are excited about the new journey, there is still plenty of unknowns out there. We'll keep you posted as things progress.

Some thoughts on adoption....

I have been doing a lot of research and reading on adopting after infertility. I've gotten to the good part now - the discussion of adoption options. Open or closed? Domestic or international? Infant or older child? Would we accept a special needs child?This was the part I feared the most. Stating uneqiuvocally that, given the choice, I want a healthy baby and do not really want to consider a special needs child. And, given the choice, Michael and I would prefer to parent an Caucasian/Latin baby. (Even now, saying it out loud makes me feel horribly guilty - shouldn't I want ANY child right now?)

Anyway. I read this morning the following: "In fact, just in case no one else around you tells you this, let me make absolutely clear what I think about the push to get infertile never-before-parents to consider a special needs adoption. Despite the changes in adoption that make inracial adoption of a healthy baby more difficult than it was twenty years ago, it is still perfectly normal, perfectly healthy, perfectly acceptable to make the decision that the right way for you to begin parenting is with a healthy newborn baby matched racially to you. "Thank you for telling me this. Because I feel a LOT of pressure to say "whatever- I'll just take ANY child. I just want to be a parent."I feel sometimes that there's a tacit assumption that when you're infertile, you will do whatever it takes to be a parent. It's a take on the "beggars can't be choosers" line. And that idea that beggars can't be choosy is what made me uncomfortable with stating that Michael and I would prefer to start our family with a healthy baby of our own race. The race thing? I don't feel as strongly with that as I do about the healthy part. Michael is half Latin/half Irish but definitely looks Latin. We always thought it would be neat to adopt a child with a Latin racial background. I know that we don't care of whether or not the child looks like us, but the world is not as open-minded as I sometimes think it is. That said, I do believe that if we did consider adopting interracially, we would just have to work a little (ok, a lot) harder at educating both our child and people in our lives that physical resemblance has NOTHING to do with belonging and how much we love our child. Still though, it's a point to discuss, however. Because adoption is about the yesses, the nos, and the maybes. We HAVE to make these decisions thoughtfully. And I shouldn't feel bad about knowing how I feel about the kind of child we would really like to parent. Because adoption isn't about desperation, or panic, or taking anything we can get because we think we're not worthy to become parents just because we're infertile. It's about figuring out how we want to build our family. I think I've just had a breakthrough.

"Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay." Habakkuk 2:3

Michael and I have been married for 3 years now and looked forward to starting a family as soon as we got married. We embraced the perfection our baby/babies would bring into our lives. Every time I held an infant, I envisioned the day I would hold my own baby, or saw a pregnant women, I would imagine myself pregnant. Instead of a quick conception, we have faced years of infertility.

"They that sow in tears shall reap in joy." Psalm 126:5

Few people understand a woman's emotional need to conceive, carry and nurse a child of her own. And even fewer understand the emotional turmoil that committed couples endure when they discover they cannot conceive. Fewer yet understand the mental anguish (and physical pain for the woman) that the couple faces as they contend with a mirage of tests, procedures and failed attempts to reproduce.

The past 3 years have been filled with a roller coaster of emotions but we now feel led to pursue adoption. We are confident that the Lord is building our family even now, and we are anxious to see just how He does it. Won't you pray with us, as we travel down this new road and start our new journey?

Dear Lord,

I come to you with a heavy heart and a heavy burden for the child I long to have. My arms ache as I long to hold the little one we are asking for. Lord, please help me to be strong as I wait on you. I pray for your perfect will in my life. I know that your will may not be mine, but I surrender my life to you and what you would have for me. I pray for guidance as you direct my paths. Help me to make the right choices as I seek answers. Let me feel your presence with me so that I may know you are still by my side. I need to know that you hear me and that you indeed care. This overwhelming desire for a child that has flooded my heart has become painful. Help me to hear your voice so that I'll know when you answer. I do know that you have abundant blessings for me and that sometimes you answer our prayers in a different way than we would expect. I know you will bring the good out of this circumstance. Help me to remember to always be thankful. You know what's best for me and you see the beginning to the end. Lord, help me to help others. Maybe I can give strength to someone who is even weaker than me. Please be patient with me as I try to endure this heartache. It is so hard to not have emotional ups and downs, but you created the very emotions I am feeling, so I know you understand. I am looking forward in faith for my miracle, my answer to this prayer. I will give you all the glory, honor, and praise for the marvelous works you will perform in my life. I hand it all to you Dear Lord, this load is too heavy to bear.

Waiting on You. Amen.

"Lord, please remember me!" I have been hanging on Hannah's cry in 1st Samuel 1:1-20. However, verse 19 has really stuck...."They arose and worshiped before the Lord...and the Lord remembered her."