The latest...in words!

I am finally sitting down to update the blog - for the first time this year!  Good grief!  I remember the days of daily blog updates, at the least it was on a weekly basis...gone are those days.  Not because I don't have anything to share, but life just seems to slip away. Can't believe that January 2011 is already coming to a close!

I was reading back through my blog and realized that I posted quite a few entries over the past few months, but they were mostly picture driven. You know, the easy ones - where you post the pictures, let them tell the story and I throw in a few words here and there. I like those posts. They're easy and let's be honest - Maggie's cute and fun to look at :)  Over the holidays, there were plenty of photo opportunities so there was plenty to "blog" about.  But then I realized that as much as these pictures showed some of the events of the past few months, my blog had not reflected what was going on at home. Sure, we had plenty of fun, lots to activities to do, friends to play with, family to hang out with....but what about all the struggles? what about the heartache? what about the hard times?  Sometimes I think we want to shelter our lives, shelter others from the reality of our lives...and in some instances, I think it's vital to do that. There is a thing called privacy and respect for it. No one needs to know everything about you and every little detail of your life, but there's also this need that I feel to be authentic. To be real. To share what's going on and not be worries what others think.

So here it goes....

Oh how I love my Sweet Maggie Joy. I can NOT imagine what my life would be without her in it. I don't even remember what we did before her?  Loving Maggie is easy. Parenting Maggie is hard. There, I said it.  It hasn't been easy.  Maggie has alot of issues and we've worked hard at correcting them, improving them, trying to make everything better, but you know what, it just might not happen.  And that's ok.

Maggie has been in speech therapy 2xs a week for about 5 months now. We have switched therapists and have seen a lot of improvement in her speech.  Her main issue is articulation. She doesn't have any difficulty with language skills or comprehension, for which we are thankful for.  But her speech - wow!  She really became quite difficult to understand but she is working so hard on her "letters" and has been doing a great job. I feel like I'm in therapy too - since I have to go into every session with her.  If I don't, they wouldn't get much accomplished.  Maggie just won't sit still, doesn't listen well and is so easily distracted...I have to be there to help "keep her focused" and "redirect" QUITE often!  But honestly, the real therapy has to happen at home.  Those 2 hours in the small therapy office is just the tip of the iceberg - the real stuff happens at home. 

After a few months of speech therapy, her therapist suggested that Maggie be evaluated for Occupational Therapy.  This was suggested to see if it might help with all of Maggie's sensory issues. Her play therapist diagnosed Maggie with Sensory Integration Disorder about a year ago and her play therapist was working with her on those issues, but honestly, we didn't see much improvement - on the sensory side of things. Now, on the anger issues, there was much improvement. Maggie hasn't had any tantrums in months and boy are we thankful.  We continue to look for signs and try to anticipate things that might trigger her - although sometimes, you just don't know what it is that triggers her.

Maggie was evaluated for OT but unfortunately/fortunately didn't qualify. She passed the tests with flying colors - testing way beyond her age. This is all great news - yay!  We have a brilliant child :)  (which we already knew) but it doesn't help with her issues. It's NOT that she CAN'T do things - she can do more than she's supposed to do. It's that she has all these sensory issues and we need to find ways to help her cope and adjust to them.  Unfortunately, she doesn't qualify on the sensory issues alone. She needs to have more issues than that, so that wasn't going to help us. The therapist who tested her has given us some suggestions of things to try, and so we are working on those things.

Without definite diagnosis, her therapists do believe that Maggie has ADHD, OCD, RAD, SID and maybe borderline Aspergers.  She has all the signs of these but alot of these disorders are all inter-related and while she might have all the "sypmtoms" she may not actually have the disorder. They don't typically test for these issues until the kids are around the age of 7 - which I personally feel is WAY too late. Regardless of a diagnosis or a label, she still has the issues and we want to address the issues now so that she can learn to cope and adjust now....not after many years of just letting things go by.

We are on constant alert and it's hard. We try our best to remember about all the different issues and triggers, but sometimes we forget...or it doesn't matter....or it just doesn't work.  Some of Maggie's sensory issues are & how we try to deal with it:
1. Tags on clothing. Have to remove every single tag off everything. Most clothes are tagless and I will forget to even check. She quickly reminds us that it has a tag, and it will be weeks before she'll put that shirt or pair of pants on....because it once had a tag on it.
2. Sound sensitivity....especially music.  I always have to remember to turn the radio down before I turn the car off.  Heaven forbid if I forget - crying ensues for the remainder of the ride (whether it be 5 minutes or an hour). She loves music. She loves to sing. But only on her timetable.  If driving, I have to ask her if I can turn on the music. She will usually say yes, because she is able to prepare herself for the noise.
3. Light sensitivity. Lights have to be off most of the time. She does not like light at all.  It is rather difficult to get her ready for school, especially brushing her hair, in the dark - but I have learned to manage.  Sometimes I'm "allowed" to turn the night light on....so that helps :)
4. Bathroom issues:  she can't/won't flush the toilet, due to the noise. She refuses to take a bath now. Will only take a shower. At first it bugged me, but honestly, it's much easier and faster. Although we do have a routine of how we have to do it. She has to get into the shower first, then turn the water on, etc. We have to do everything the same way, every time. We cannot change the routine.
5. Needs pressure on her. She likes to have deep tissue massage done or pushes herself really tightly against us. We have found that if we hold her really tightly, that she is really calm.

These are just a few of the things that trigger Maggie.  We know that she may never be rid of these things, but we are doing everything in our power to help her learn to manage these triggers and hopefully be able to maintain composure in situations.

Maggie was really struggling in school the last two months of last year.  Oh how hard it was to get a negative report from her teacher every.single.day.  Thankfully Maggie has wonderful teachers who love and care about her, and who longed to see her having better days. We tried everything that we could. Nothing was working.  She is sooooo active. Her teacher would tell me that she didn't sit down all day. It wasn't because she refused to, it was because she just physically could not sit still. She'd sit down and be right back up 5 seconds later.  Everyone believes that she is ADHD but we didn't want to put her on any medication, especially at her young age.  We reached out to our friend who is a nutritionist and asked for any natural suggestions.  She sent us some different nutritional supplements, started them that very day and I can gladly say that 1 month later, Maggie has had a great day at school - EVERY.SINGLE.DAY!  The change in her diet and the supplements are working. THANK YOU JESUS!  We are so thankful that these changes have made such a dramatic change in our little girl's life.  She is much calmer. She is enjoying school.  She is sleeping better. She is not acting out. It's almost like she's a new little person....and we couldn't be happier.

Like I said, it's not easy. It's hard. It's frustrating. You don't know what to do, where to go, what to try next...but I'm here to say that it's so important to not give up, to not be afraid to try different things and beyond everything, go back to God....trust in Him....believe that HE has ALREADY conquered it...and that He will deliver you from the hardship in His timing and in His way.

I often feel so inadequate to parent Maggie....but I KNOW that God chose me to be her momma and for that reason alone, I know that I am the perfect momma for that sweet girl....and on days, when I doubt it, I just have to remember all that we went through and see all of God's blessings...and the doubt just goes away.

Our road to parenthood wasn't easy.  Our parenting journey isn't easy.  But I am so thankful that loving our sweet Maggie Joy is.