STAT!

STAT! ....urgent; immediate request; rush.

I have been having some pain on right side for about a week. When it didn't really go away, I figured, well...guess I better get it checked out. I figured I'd just go see my internist, he'd write me script for an antibiotic and I'd be on my way. Well, that's what I figured would happen anyway.

I arrive @ Dr. D's office, with Maggie in tow, yesterday around 11:45am. They were all excited to finally meet Maggie, since I haven't had to see them since she came home last July. I went in to the exam room, explain my symptoms, had a urine test run and came back to sit. Dr. D said that my urine test was not at all impressive (wow - that's not usually a term that I would use in situations like this...but ok) and then gave me the strict instructions to get over to the hospital immediately for a CT scan.

Oh. Ok. Right. Me and my 2 year old. Sure. That's NOT going to happen. So, back in the car, drop Maggie off at home, arrive at the diagnostic testing. Provide my orders to the intake person. Start my registration. Told that since I am a Diabetic, I have to have some blood work done prior to the CT scan. Fine. BUT. Dr did not write those labs on the order. Great. It's 12:35pm. Dr. D is now on lunch. They call. No answer. Won't be back until 1:30. Ugh. I decide to drive over to his office in hopes that maybe, just maybe, he isn't actually eating lunch and might, just might, be working on charts, following up with patients, or checking his facebook...but alas, he apparently decided to eat lunch. 1pm...what to do for 30 minutes? Go to Target of course. 1:30 arrive back at Dr. D's office. Get the orders for the blood work. Return to the diagnostic testing. Begin registration again (not sure what happened to the "save" button on the computer). Informed of all my rights, benefits, payments, instructions, etc. Provided with my lunch of 3 of barium sulfate drinks...given choice of banana, berry or apple. Chose berry. Began to drink the 1st of 3 bottles. Nearly gagged. Chalk-like milky substance. I guess no one cared to know that I have major texture issues, let alone can't drink anything at room temperature. Lovely. Finished 1st bottle before I left registration. Informed to drink the remaining 2 bottles as quickly as possible, since I was an urgent patient. Went over to lab. Got blood drawn. Finished 2nd bottle. Walked over to radiology and guzzled (OH.MY.WORD!!!) the 3rd bottle down. It was now 2:45pm. 3 bottles in 45 minutes. I was pretty proud of myself. UNTIL the sweet lady at the desk said let me get you started on your drinks. Wait. Already drank them. You already drank the 3 drinks? Yes. When did you finish? Just now. When did you start? about 45 minutes ago. OH. HONEY! (oh no!) That is way too fast. You are about to get really sick. And the nearest bathroom is out by the ER (not really too close). GREAT! Lovely. She told me to walk around, get the stuff moving through my system. I was already nauseated from drinking the stuff...now the gurgling, bubbly sounds were echoing through the halls. I seriously sounded like my stomach was possessed. Needless to say, without saying too much, I walked around the hospital for another 45 minutes and I definitely got sick. Enter CT scan. They try to start IV. Inform them that I have horrible veins. Don't try my arms. You won't get it. Just go in through my hands or feet. Yes. I know it hurts. Just trust me. Do they trust me? Nope! One girl tries my right arm. Insert needle. Nope. She then tries my right wrist. Insert needle. Nope. Another girl tries my left arm. Insert needle. Nope (REALLY!?!?!?) Then they call in someone else, who calmly says, "Honey, take a deep breath...this is going to hurt" (ugh!) and into the side of my left arm she goes. Now, I have quite the tolerance for pain, but I'm pretty sure she put a 1 foot needle in my arm and that's why I let out the scream that I did and my body went flying off the table. But good news...she got it in. (Still wonder if that all could have been avoided if they had just listened to me the first time). I now have 4 huge bruises to show off. CT scan with contrast on it's way. It's done. You can go home now....and wait. Wait for the radiologist to read the films. Wait for my doctor to be called with the findings. Wait for my doctor to call me with the results. Wait for the side effects to pass from the barium sulfate drinks.

Didn't get a return phone call last night, or this morning even. My dr. called me @ 2pm today to let me know the results....kidney stones. Lots of them, but thankfully no blockages. So, now I just have to deal with the pain and wait for them to pass. Oh fun.

7 hours to get testing done yesterday.
24 hours to get a call back with test results.
Unknown hours to deal with the pain.

I think my definition of "STAT" just changed!