Motherhood is hard! I think we all like to make it look like we've got it all together...and I'm sure that there are some mommas out there who do have it pretty darn close, but let's be honest....I don't have it all together, and it's is more than hard.
Maggie is going through a phase right now...and to be honest, it's hard to know if it's just because she is 2 or is it because of her past or is it a combination of both. I believe that it's a combination of the two. Unfortunately, for us, in our situation, it's hard to know. And we don't want to label Maggie with any of these possible issues, but then again, we don't want to ignore them either.
I could write a post about the major meltdown that took place at Target on Friday when Maggie saw the end cap of bubbles and GASP! Momma did not stop to put any in the basket....but I won't.
I could write a post about Maggie throwing a fit so big that people walking by stopped to ensure that my child hadn't been seriously injured at a birthday party when she took another little boy's cheerios out of his diaper bag and began eating them...but I won't.
I could write a post about when Maggie didn't get her way tonight she pulled my shorts completely down (thankfully at home)...but I won't.
I could write a post about how I saw an acquaintance this weekend that I hadn't seen since we brought Maggie home and she told me that I looked miserable....but I won't.
I could write a post about how we are trying to break Maggie of her ba-ba (bottle) habit for nap and bedtime and how well that is (not) going...but I won't.
I could write a post about how many times I hear the word "no" in one day...but I won't.
I won't because 1) I don't have the energy to relive it. 2) I am afraid that others will think that I'm a horrible mother. 3) I really do try and focus on the positives.
Those closest to me try to remind me all the time that our situation isn't normal. I didn't have 9 months to physically prepare for my child to be born and then get 17 months to prepare for a 17 month old. No, I was stationary one day and mobile the next...and haven't stopped moving since! I don't have a daughter who was brought up in a safe and secure environment from her first day of life. She didn't get that until 17 months later.
For all the many things I could blog about and won't....there are that many more things that I am blessed with. That sweet little girl who throws tantrums, screams in public places, pulls my shorts down, makes her momma look tired, is dependent on a bottle to sleep, and says "no" way too many times to count is the greatest blessing in my life. And even though she does all those things, she loves her momma more than I ever thought was possible. I can't imagine my life without her. It's as if she has been with us all along. She makes us laugh, brings us great joy, and touches us deep down in our soul.
At the end of the day, when I rock Maggie to sleep, I reflect on what the Lord has given me. I'm a momma...and I love it...but let's be honest....it's hard. 
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Let's be honest...
Posted by Court at 9:29 PM
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5 Had Something To Say:
Oh Courtney, you are not a bad momma. You are the mother of a two year old! You want to hear the story about when Quinn bit me in Old Navy because he didn't get the toy he wanted out of the GUMBALL machine?? I could tell you stories that would make you hair stand on end and probably make you laugh really hard.
Hang in there and keep loving that little blessing. She loves you so.
Um, yes, it is VERY wonderful and VERY hard and I think especially when dealing with a temperment that is more sensitive, explosive,etc. Reading "Raising your Spirited Child" really gave me some insight into our Sammy but it still feels as mamas like we should be able to control the situations and to realize that sometimes, you just can't. I am sure every mama reading this post was shaking their heads up and down the whole time--I don't know why we always think we are the only ones! Love you Court, and I know you are a wonderful mama and are leaning on the Lord for wisdom and strength--He will provide. Trusting with you, Jen
I'd say none of us has it all together so you're part of the club! I can relate with the bubbles story! And I'd say you can probably blame some of this on the terrible two's - yay. God has blessed Maggie with loving parents and extended family! He has such good plans!
Well, Jana and Jenny said so much that I was going to say, so... All I can add is that those extra feelings that you are having because there is that completely added level- they are normal, they are understandable, they are hard. I am glad that you have people close to you that understand and can remind you that you do have a unique situation being her foster momma.
Being honest with you- Kenny was the hardest kiddo for me to handle and I completely felt like the worst momma ever, a failure, the meanest, most frustrated momma in the world at times. There were nights I felt that I couldn't do one more day with him, that I was going to be one of those foster parents that dropped a frustrating kiddo off at their agency door saying I was done. And then a new day would start and I would see his face pop up in the crib smiling at me and reaching up to me and the day before was forgotten and the whole routine started again.
Here's what I think...
She is at the absolutely perfect age to test every boundary you put up. YOU are a GOOD momma because of those boundaries.
She will become frustrated and angry. YOU are a GOOD momma because she is free and SAFE to express those feelings (even as ugly as they can be).
She will throw tantrums. YOU are a GOOD momma because after those tantrums you will plop her in your lap and rock her to sleep and show her that amazing, unconditional love that she needs and deserves as she is learning to find who she is in this world.
You are not alone- as a momma or as a foster/adoptive momma. And I think that your honesty is wonderful- it IS hard, the hardest job in the world. You are not alone. Hang in there girlie!! Jenny is right-- I, like I'm sure as many others reading this post, was shaking my head and smiling to myself in complete understanding of every word you wrote. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! And you ARE a good momma... I am sure of that.
I love how honest you are Court. What you are doing IS hard and you are so obviously doing a good job! I will continue to pray for you guys!
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